Broken Vows
by simplyrokk
Summary: Unrequited love hurts. It hurts even more when that unrequited love is planning their perfect wedding. Mondler AU. A joint fic by simplymondler and C-Rokkk!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! This is simplymondler and C-Rokkk! We've worked hard on this and we sincerely hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it! We're pretty much finished with this baby (believe us when we say it's long-we just couldn't stop writing!) and will post updates periodically. It's an angsty one but stick with it! Anyway, on to the story! Leave us a review when you get to the end? :)**

* * *

Chandler sighed heavily as he slammed the door to apartment 19. What a crappy, crappy day. Work had been nothing but hassle after problem and to top it off, he'd got caught in a freak rain shower coming home; just typical of his life at the moment.

He threw his damp jacket onto the foosball table and scrubbed a hand through his wet hair. He passed the happily quacking duck as he collapsed into one of the barcaloungers.

"Sure, you'd love it out there," he grouched at his feathered-roommate as he kicked off his wet shoes. "Perfect weather for ducks at least."

He was pulled out of his one-sided conversation as the apartment door swung open to reveal Monica. A happy, excited, smiley Monica. Just what he didn't need right now...he didn't have the energy.

"Hey," he greeted as he faked a smile; he'd been doing that a lot around her recently, around everyone.

"Hi Chandler," she replied brightly.

He knew _her_ smile was anything but fake. Chandler watched as she practically skipped towards him, eagerly handing him a familiar shiny silver envelope. Damn. As she did, the light caught the large sparkling diamond on her left hand. The large sparkling diamond which was the reason for why she was so happy, excited and smiley lately…and the reason for why he'd probably never have a genuine smile ever again.

"What's this?" he asked, trying to look innocent whilst ignoring the deep churning in the pit of his stomach as he accepted her offering. He knew damn well what it was, but he didn't want to acknowledge it. Didn't want to have to see it ever again or believe it. He clung onto a tiny bit of hope that his piercing gut feeling was wrong; that it might be something else. Anything else but…

"It's your wedding invite, silly," she grinned widely, proudly, as she hopped onto a kitchen stool. "I found it under a pile of books by the window. I may not have mentioned it recently but- I'm engaged! I'm getting married! I'm gonna be a bride!"

"Right," he deadpanned, "I'd almost forgotten."

He hadn't. Couldn't. The woman spoke about nothing else these days. She was happy. She'd found her 'one' and was planning the perfect wedding of her dreams on an open-ended budget. She could literally have anything she wanted, so of course she was happy. She was allowed to be, meant to be.

And he was happy that she was happy, really he was. Well, he tried to be. She had found a nice guy that treated her right. One that could spoil her in the way she so truly deserved. Someone that understood how cherished and treasured she was and knew how lucky they were to be with her.

She was going to get married, move into his mansion, have 2.4 kids, raise her perfect family and live her perfect life. Have her happily ever after...with another man.

And him? He was going to watch every painful crushing moment and pretend to be happy about it, even if he was slowly dying inside, day by horrible day. Her happiness was what was important, not his.

"Well, open it then!" she insisted, a big smile on her gorgeous face. "I don't know how it ever got where it did! Especially unopened; I gave this to you months ago."

"Right," he sighed, swallowing hard, he knew exactly how it had gotten there; he remembered the desperate need to hide it and deny its existence. Now, though he had little choice, the woman was watching him with such an excited and anxious expression on her face. Trying to hide how his hands were starting to shake as his insides twisted, he forced his blunt fingers to tug open the seal and he pulled out the immaculate invitation.

The invitation that he had been dreading. He hated it straight away. He wanted to burn it, rip it into tiny little pieces and pretend that all of this wasn't happening. That this hell he was currently trapped in was just another nightmare; that he'd eventually wake up and discover it wasn't real. Because it wasn't meant to be happening. Not like this. Not with _him._

Chandler tried to control his breathing, struggling to keep his mask in place, well aware of her intense eyes on him; they felt like they were burning through his skull. Slowly, he lowered his own eyes onto the parchment paper, having to face the inevitable, even if he wasn't ready for it; would probably never be ready for it.

There, on the front in an elegant script, was his bitter reality check. Staring back at him in black and white. Proof that this was really happening.

Monica and Pete.

* * *

 _6 Months Earlier…_

Monica walked into her apartment where four out of her five friends sat in the living room, sharing a bucket of popcorn and watching a movie. She rushed right over to them, waving excitedly to get their attention, "Guys!" She finally yelled, causing each pair of eyes to look at her. When she didn't say anything else, they all turned back to the TV, except for Ross, who continued to look at her.

"Hey," Ross said plainly, eating some more popcorn, "How was your date with Pete?"

She sighed heavily, "It was great!" She leaned down and grabbed the remote, turning the television off, "I need everyone's attention, please."

Joey groaned, "Mon, that was the best part!" he whined.

Monica stomped her foot, "I have news!" she yelled.

Ross opened his arms, "Well, you have our attention. Tell us."

She sighed, "But Chandler's not here. He needs to hear this!"

Rachel looked at her, "Can't you tell him later?" She pointed to the screen, "We want to get back to the movie!"

Monica sighed angrily, "This is _big_ , okay? It's gigantic!"

Phoebe looked her up and down, "Are you pregnant?"

She shook her head, "No!" She went to the door and opened it, looking down the hall in the off chance Chandler was back from wherever he was. With no luck, she shut the door and walked back to the living room. "Okay, I guess I can tell him later." She sat down next to the coffee table, "So, Pete and I were at this great place, and we were eating and everything is normal. So he grabs my hand and then he has twelve waiters come out with roses, each one of them standing around the table. And then he gets down on one knee and," she held out her left hand, showing off the brand new diamond on her ring finger, "I'm engaged!"

The girls squealed and stood, rushing over to her, grabbing her hand to inspect the new jewelry, "Oh my god! It's beautiful!" Rachel fanned her face, "It's perfect! I can see little specks of money in there!"

Monica rolled her eyes at the mention of Pete's fortune, "Rachel!"

Phoebe grabbed her for a hug, "This is so great! I didn't know you liked him that much!"

Rachel laughed, "Well of _course_ she does! It's Pete Becker! He's worth trillions of dollars!"

Monica leaned back from Phoebe's hug to look at her high school friend, "Rachel you know that I love him because he's sweet and caring and thoughtful and not because he has a little money, right?"

She waved a hand, "Of course I know that."

Monica sighed, "Okay, good. Because you had me worried."

Ross had joined them, leaning over Rachel to kiss his sister on the cheek, "This is great news, Mon. But you know I haven't had my big brother talk with him yet."

Joey also stood, moving over to her to kiss her other cheek, "Fantastic Mon, now can we _please_ get back to the movie?!"

Monica sighed, ignoring the Italian man, "I am _so_ excited this is happening. I didn't think Pete was ready to get married but he said he loves me so much and I…" she stopped when the door opened.

"Hey," Chandler announced as he walked into the apartment, looking at them as they peeled away from Monica. He walked over to them, "I thought you guys were watching a movie?"

"We were _trying_ to." Joey said, earning a look of confusion from his friend, "Monica has news," he explained.

Monica looked at him, rolling her eyes, "You guys can get back to the movie, okay? I'll tell Chandler in here," she grabbed his arm and moved into her bedroom, closing the door behind her.

He let her pull him onto her bed, sitting down on the edge of it. She still had a hold on his arm, and honestly, he didn't mind, "So, um," he sat up straighter, "What's going on?"

Monica shifted and moved her hand down to his hand, squeezing it a little. Somehow, it was different telling him, because recently, he had _really_ been there for her. Even when Pete went through that whole ridiculous ultimate fighting champion thing, he was there. He told her not to give up on him, to give him a chance.

The truth is that he had _always_ been there for her. She honestly thought of him as her very best friend and she was glad he was in her life.

He raised his eyebrows at her, "Are you okay?"

She nodded, "Yes. Th-there's something I need to tell you," she started, her hands suddenly cold with nervousness.

He nodded, waiting on her to continue, and watched as she smiled, all of her perfectly white teeth glowing in front of him. He looked down when she dropped his hand and held up hers, the ring blinding him as it caught the light, "Oh." He said to her, trying to muster up as much enthusiasm as he could, as it slowly started to dawn on him what it meant, "Congratulations!"

She sighed, relieved that he reacted the way he did, "Oh, thank you!"

He grabbed her, wrapping his arms around her for a hug, "That's really great, Mon," he tried to keep the shaking out of his voice, "I am…" he cleared his throat, "I'm glad you're happy."

She looked into his blue eyes, "Thank you, I am," She rubbed the back of his hand, "I'm going to be a bride!"

Chandler chuckled, "Yeah, you are!" He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, she was going to be a beautiful bride. He couldn't process this right now. He was sick to his stomach, "Congratulations, again," he said to her, "I'm really happy for you." He winced when his voice cracked on the last word. "I'm gonna go," he said, standing from her bed and dropping her hand, "I've got some," he paused, "the Knicks game is coming on and I wanted to um," he took a breath, "watch it."

She nodded, puzzled at the sudden awkwardness that fell over them, but not wanting to bring anything up that would put a damper on her engagement night, "Okay! We're all going out to dinner tomorrow, so make sure you don't have any plans!"

He nodded a little, "Alright." He left the room and walked through the living room, nobody noticing him because they were sucked into whatever movie they were watching. He shut the apartment door behind him, leaning on it and closing his eyes.

 _Crap_.

* * *

"Chandler?" She called, breaking through his painful memories to bring him back to an even more painful present. It had only got worse since the months went on.

"Hmm?"

"Well?" she looked expectant.

He frowned, "well what?"

"You're still coming right?"

"You know, I didn't realize the date, I actually have a hair appointment," he quipped.

God, he wished it were true. Wished he had something unavoidable that he couldn't cancel. Some excuse for not watching as the woman of his dreams married another man. Watched as they looked deep into each other's eyes, made heartfelt vows and promises and then shared their first kiss as man and wife. Watched as they started their happily ever after...together...without him.

"Well, cancel it mister," she chuckled jumping off the stool, "besides, it looks like you've already had a hair wash," she teased, reaching out to ruffle his still-wet hair. "Get caught in the rain?"

He clenched his teeth. He'd tried to distance himself, really he had, especially once they had become engaged. He wasn't supposed to feel like this; wasn't allowed to feel like this. But it was these little innocent touches that completely undid him. The power this woman had over him and she didn't even know it; sadly she'd never know it.

"Uh no," he cleared his throat, "I just took the duck for a swim."

"Right," she rolled her blue eyes good-naturedly, well used to his humor, "then, I'm taking that as an acceptance."

It was his turn to roll his blue eyes. "You know I'm already coming," he tried to keep the pain out of his voice, "I'm one of the ushers."

Lucky him. It wasn't bad enough that he had to be in the same room watching this nightmare but he actually had to be a part of this god-forsaken wedding. Watch her walk down that aisle to a waiting Pete. God, he just prayed he could get through it, he had no choice but to get through it.

"I know," she smiled happily, "I wouldn't have it any other way, Mr. Bing."

She patted his cheek playfully, not noticing the way his jaw tensed under her fingers.

"Well, I better go," she announced, turning and making her way to the door, "oh, don't forget you have Pete's bachelor party at the weekend."

"Sure, how could I forget," he plastered on that fake smile he'd become so good at as she waved and left.

The moment the door closed the smile vanished. He dropped the unwanted invitation onto his lap and covered his face with his hands as he let out a suffering sigh, taking a shaky breath. How was he going to get through this? He'd known it was coming, of course he had. He'd been there at every freaking painful step of this wedding process.

Pete's bachelor party was something else he was dreading, another nail in his coffin. He'd have to spend the whole night with the man he resented being at the center of attention. Listen to everyone congratulate him again and again and listen to his future plans with Monica. God, it was going to be so painful.

But, it was just another thing he had to push down and bury deep within him; he vaguely wondered just how much capacity was left until he either had an aneurysm, or everything finally exploded out of him. It seemed he was constantly pushing down his feelings and hurt.

He just hoped he could last until the wedding before he became a broken wreck of a man.

"You alright, man?"

He pulled his hands away from his face quickly, not having heard his non-feathered roommate enter the apartment.

"I'm f-fine," he covered quickly, hoping his face wasn't betraying him. That the mask he constantly wore around his friends was back firmly in place.

"You don't look it," Joey frowned stepping closer into the room, closer to him. "What's that?" he gestured towards the invite, where it still lay mockingly in his lap.

"Oh, just, uh, Monica's invitation...to her wedding," he swallowed hard, hating the emotion that was leaking into his voice without permission.

"Oh right, you only just getting one now?"

Chandler shrugged, not wanting to tell him the truth. Not wanting to face the truth of his crappy reality of his crappy life.

The Italian was still frowning slightly, his eyes still critically studying him and it made him uncomfortable. He didn't need this.

"I'm gonna grab a shower," Chandler muttered, getting up quickly, and picking up the stupid invite, trying not to clench his fist and screw it up, not in front of Joey.

He knew his friend knew that something was bothering him. As much as he tried hiding it, it was hard to be on guard 24/7, especially as he lived with the man. Since Monica had announced her engagement to Pete, Chandler's heart had shattered and he hadn't been the same person. He feared he could never be the same person ever again.

But he couldn't burden Joey with his confessions. Joey hated secrets and would feel torn between his loyalties to both friends. Worse, he'd probably give Chandler the sympathetic eyes every time he was in the same room as Monica. It was hard enough as it was and he didn't need any additional pressure.

No, he had to keep it to himself. He had no choice.

He had to force himself to keep this masquerade going. At least until the wedding.

He could last until then. He had too.

* * *

TBC...

Please let us know your thoughts :o)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N - thanks guys so much for reading and reviewing :o)

* * *

Chandler sighed in frustration as he fumbled with the shiny cufflinks. Finally getting them fastened, he glanced at himself in the mirror, yep, he looked as miserable as he felt. With a grimace he left the small bathroom and grabbed his tux jacket which was draped carelessly across Joey's white dog; it was ugly but made a good clothes horse.

He resentfully shrugged on the required jacket, feeling its heavy weight pressing onto his already over-burdened shoulders. Who the hell made people wear monkey suits to a bachelor party anyway? It was stupid.

"How cool is this?" Joey asked, a huge smile on his face as he stepped out of his bedroom. "A millionaire's bachelor party! Do you think he'll provide the money to put in the strippers' G-strings? Or, maybe he's already paid them so they are free...ohh with extras?"

He didn't want to be thinking about this.

"There may not be any strippers, man," he warned his friend as he adjusted his dumb bowtie. "It's a surprise, remember?"

And that really was the icing on the cake. No one knew what this bachelor party was actually going to involve. All they'd been told was to wear a damn tuxedo and be ready for 7p.m. sharp. The only thing he hoped was that there'd be lots and lots of alcohol wherever they went. He knew he'd need it to get through tonight. He was dreading it. More than dreading it, and the not knowing where they were going wasn't exactly helping his anxiety.

"What?" Joey asked panicked, "No strippers? But it's a bachelor party! There has to be strippers... I mean, it's the _law_."

Chandler wished his troubles were as simple as his roommate's.

"Pete's a millionaire," he reminded him, trying to keep the distaste from entering his voice. "He doesn't have to follow laws or normal conventions."

Joey still looked heart-broken at the prospect of there being no naked women tonight. He looked exactly how Chandler felt, just for a different reason. He couldn't care less if there were strippers there tonight. There could be topless playboy bunnies dancing around jewel-encrusted poles putting dollar bills into _his_ underwear for all he cared. Nothing would make him enjoy tonight; nothing.

He didn't want to go. He _really_ didn't want to go. Every fiber of his being was filled with utter dread and trepidation about this 'party'. Having to spend the entire evening watching and listening as everyone told Pete what a catch Monica was and how he'd bagged himself a winner. Hours and hours of keeping company with the green-eyed monster that he was so familiar with these days.

Could he do this? Any of this? Was he strong enough?

"Hey guys!" Ross excitedly bounced through the door, interrupting Chandler's internal self-doubts. "How cool do we look? I feel like James Bond." He made the classic Bond pose, making his fingers into a gun.

Chandler wished for a real gun right now. He offered what he hoped came across as a smile rather than a grimace as he resisted rolling his eyes.

"Do you think there'll be strippers, Ross?" Joey asked, clearly still very worried.

"I sure hope so!" Ross grinned, "although knowing Pete, he's probably flying us to Spain or something."

"Spanish strippers!" Joey said excitedly as Chandler felt cold-dread rush through him and settle heavily in the pit of his stomach.

He hadn't considered that, Pete taking them somewhere outside of New York. Taking them somewhere where he couldn't just escape easily, couldn't retreat back home to lick his wounds. But he should have considered it. It was totally something that Pete would do. This was bad. Very bad.

"Aw, look at you three all dressed up," Monica teased as she walked through the open apartment door. "You scrub up good."

Chandler glanced down at the floor, unable to fully accept the light-hearted compliment. He wished she truly thought he was handsome. Thought he was cute in a way that she couldn't resist, ripping the tux right off him. Unfortunately, she didn't; she saw him as a friend. It was _Pete_ she'd want to rip the suit off later. God he hated this so much. Why was life so cruel?

"Are you ready for your bachelorette party?" Ross asked, kissing her cheek.

"Yep," she dazzled them with a wide smile. "It's gonna be amazing."

"Not as good as our Spanish strippers," Joey boasted, "they come with all the extras."

He watched as Monica's brow furrowed in confusion, "what?"

"Nothing," Chandler reassured her, wincing, "Just Joey's wild imagination; I'm sure it will be classy and respectable."

 _He_ was going to have the night from hell, he knew that much, it was inevitable, but Monica was going to have the fantastic night she deserved and not spend it worrying about her future husband being inappropriate.

"It better be," she muttered, her eyes meeting his briefly. "Keep an eye out for him?" she asked hesitantly, "make sure his brothers don't stitch him up too much? I need him in one piece for the wedding."

"Sure," he swallowed. He was unable to deny her anything, no matter how much he was hurting inside.

"Thanks," she smiled at him and for a moment all was right in his world again. Until she leant on his shoulder, leaning forwards to place the softest of kisses on his cheek and casually said, "you're such a good friend."

He closed his eyes as the usual pain rippled through him. He expected it now; it was nothing new. It usually crippled him at some point when she was talking to him or was close to him. Especially as the big day got closer, looming over him. He just had to ride it out and keep his mask in place. He should be pleased he was her friend, privileged even.

But, how he wanted so much more than that, so much more.

"Well, have fun guys...just not too much," she laughed as she left.

Fun. Yeah….so not gonna happen.

* * *

The three men in tuxedos stood on the sidewalk, Chandler with his hands in his pockets as he listened to his two friends behind him guess what would be happening during this extravagant party. He ran a hand through his hair for what felt like the hundreth time already, wishing that he could get started on drinking. He was hating this already.

"There _really_ needs to be strippers!" Joey exclaimed suddenly, taking a step towards Chandler and grabbing his shoulders, "Strippers are excellent! If there aren't any we have to convince the man how awesome they are. Strippers man, strippers!"

Chandler turned to him swiftly, strippers were the last thing on his anxious mind, and Joey's hands felt they were imprisoning him, suffocating, "Okay, Joey, enough about the strippers!" he exploded, roughly escaping from his grasp, "Can you please just wait until we get wherever in the hell we're going to see if there's strippers there? Please? I'm sick of hearing about the damn strippers!"

Joey and Ross's eyes grew wide at Chandler's outburst and they took an involuntary step back from him, "Dude, what's wrong with you?" Ross asked.

Chandler sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. Did he really just snap at Joey? None of this was his fault. Monica getting married to Pete wasn't Joey's fault. His own heartbreak over the woman he loved wasn't Joey's fault. "I'm sorry," he said to both of them, "I just…" he needed an excuse that wouldn't give away his true feelings, "...have a headache." It was lame but it was the best his preoccupied mind could come up with. His two friends were still staring at him as the limousine pulled up to the sidewalk, parking there to pick them up. "I'm sorry," He said again, sounding as sincere as he possibly could.

Joey's shocked face dissipated as the driver walked around, opening the door for them to get in, standing beside it with his hands folded. Joey walked over to him and clapped down on his shoulder again, Chandler refrained from trying to free himself, "What you need is some _stripper_ love."

Chandler bit his bottom lip so he wouldn't punch his friend, "I don't think so."

"Dude, I'm tellin' ya! It'll make you feel better, headache and all!" He reached out and grabbed Chandler's arms, shaking him a little, "You gotta trust the power of love making."

"Guys," Ross interrupted, leaning out of the backseat, "get in here! This is amazing!"

Much to Chandler's relief, Joey dropped his conversation about strippers and love making to get into the stretch limo. He took his last breaths of free air before nodding at the man waiting at the door; he felt like a condemned man as he climbed in, sitting on the opposite side of his friends, next to a guy he didn't know dressed in the same outfit as the rest of them.

Then the door slammed closed. He was trapped.

"Hey," the guy said, reaching for Chandler's hand to shake it, "I'm Jake, and this is Shane, we're Pete's brothers. "

Chandler really didn't care, but put his hand in Jake's, "Chandler Bing," he cleared his throat, trying to calm himself, "nice to meet you," he lied, shaking Shane's hand as well.

"Would you like a drink?" Shane asked him.

 _Thank god,_ he thought, "Yeah, a drink would be great," he said, "whiskey on the rocks." Shane nodded at him and began to make his drink with the mini bar.

Chandler accepted it gladly as Jake went into some story about Pete and something to do with their childhood. He wasn't listening. Instead he tilted the glass up, downing the small amount it held. He would definitely need more if he was going to make it through tonight.

About 30 minutes and 3 drinks later, the car stopped again and the five men climbed out of it, the smell of water immediately hitting Chandler's nostrils. Damn it, they were going out on the water, leaving dry land. Where he couldn't escape...well, not easily.

He ran a hand through his hair and forced himself to follow the rest of the group to the gigantic, completely over the top yacht. He begrudgingly climbed on, and apparently he was the last guest, because the boat began to move immediately. Chandler stuck his hands in his pockets, looking around at the 15-20 people in tuxedo's, most of them standing around talking to each other, a drink in their hands.

The _bar_ , Chandler thought, _I need to find the bar._

His thoughts were interrupted when the man in the all white tuxedo walked up to the new arrivals, "Hey Boys!" he exclaimed looking mightily happy, "so glad you guys finally got here. I was beginning to get worried."

"Yeah man, we wouldn't miss it," Ross told him, shaking Pete's hand.

Internally, Chandler scoffed. _Yes, he would've gladly missed it. If he could've,_ "Chandler!" Pete said to him as he tried not to cringe, "how's that WENUS working out?" He couldn't help but roll his eyes at one of the conversations he and Pete had months ago.

He chuckled awkwardly, "Yeah, it's great, I guess." The other five men looked confused at their conversation, so he sighed, explaining it slowly, "weekly estimated net usage system. We use it at my company, Pete was one of the developers of it."

The other men nodded, but seemed to lose interest in it pretty quickly, which suited him fine. Pete finished talking to Joey and then rubbed his hands together, "Okay, so we've got booze, we've got cigars, we've got girls who take their clothes off, we've got music, we've got cards, and we've got food." Joey attached himself to Pete, bro hugging him tightly.

"I love you, man. You have everything I love in one place! This is heaven!" Pete chuckled, patting Joey's back.

Chandler walked off from them, unable to share Joey's excitement about the party. The boat was beautiful, he'd give him that much, but nothing else excited him. He finally found the bar, positioned in the room in the center of the boat. He ordered another drink, needing the strong substance in his mouth again. He downed the drink and ordered another one from the man in a red suit jacket.

He jumped a little when Joey came from behind, "Isn't this awesome?" His friend's smile was from one side of his face to the other.

Chandler sat his glass down and nodded to the bartender for another glass of the presumably expensive whiskey, turning back to his friend, "Yeah, pretty cool," he said, again trying to add some enthusiasm in his voice.

Joey ordered two beers, one was for Ross, he guessed. He watched Chandler as he brought the glass to his lips, taking only a small sip of the brown liquid. Joey stepped closer to him, "Are you sure you're alright? You're not really acting like yourself lately."

He didn't look at his friend. He couldn't. If he did, he was pretty sure Joey could figure him out. Chandler was looking at the wall, but was answering Joey by nodding his head. He was saved from any further questions when Ross yelled for the two of them to join a poker game. "You go ahead," he told his friend, "I'll play a little later." At Joey's stare, he cleared his throat, "still got that headache, you know."

"All that liquor probably isn't helping, dude."

Chandler looked back at Joey as he seemed to drop it and move to the big table near the front of the boat. His friend was wrong.

The liquor _was_ helping; he just wished it could help more.

He stuck a hand in his pocket and took a few steps away from the bar. He grabbed a cigar from an expensive looking box, walking towards the back of the boat where the fewest people were. He wasn't in a social mood. He just wanted to be alone with his solemn thoughts.

A blonde woman blocked his path; she had curly hair and was dressed in a skimpy outfit. Chandler tried to move past her, but she moved in front of him again, "Hi cutie," she said to him, "I'm Ellie."

Chandler's blue eyes met her brown ones, and he lifted the corner of his mouth, "Hi. Bye. Excuse me, please."

"Where are you going in such a hurry?" she asked him, her voice silky, "Why don't you have a seat and let me do a little dance for you?"

Chandler sighed, "no thanks," he said to her.

"Oh come on blue eyes," she replied, "let me cheer you up. I'm _very_ good at what I do."

He so didn't need this.

"I'm sure you are, I'm just really not in the mood."

She brought her hand up to the side of his face and dragged her nails up to his hair, "Let me get you in the mood, sailor."

He tilted his head, making her hand lose contact with it, "No thank you." He said again a little firmer, finally walking past her to his original destination.

A few minutes passed and Chandler was out of whiskey again, briefly wondering if the bartender would give him the whole bottle so he could refill it without having to keep going back to the bar. He took a long drag of the cigar, blowing the smoke into the cool night air. It wasn't really the cigarette he wanted, but it would do in a pinch.

He brought his foot up to rest on the bottom bar of the railing, leaning over it to rest on his elbows. He smiled at the memory of watching a long chick flick about a guy and girl on a boat who fell in love. His situation was pretty similar to that story, actually. Except his love was one sided and hopefully he wouldn't die at the end. The movie never seemed to end, but he'd watched it with Monica, so he hadn't cared.

Monica.

"Aw, there's a smile." He heard a voice say and he looked over at the same blonde woman from before. Chandler didn't reply, so she spoke again, "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

Chandler shook his head, "Nothing's wrong." That was always his reply. It had to be.

She leaned backwards on the rail right next to him, "I've found in these situations that it helps to talk to somebody."

"I'm fine," he told her, "there is no situation."

She turned to him more, a disbelieving look on her face. "Look, I don't know you, I don't know any of your friends. It'll be good for you to vent. I don't even know your name."

He took another long drag out of the cigar, "It's Chandler."

"Chandler." She said, reaching for the brown thing between his fingers, "Can I try this?" He handed it to her without hesitation. She made a face, "That's why mostly men smoke these things."

Chandler laughed a little, "They're not my favorite."

Ellie watched him for a second, "You have a beautiful smile," she said, "and as I've hardly seen it since you got here and you're on a beautiful yacht with everything men love to do, my guess is that you haven't smiled in a while."

He looked over at her, puzzled at how quickly she was figuring him out; he didn't like being predictable. He looked out over the water again towards the lit up New York skyline, "There's not much to smile about these days."

She put her arm on his, leaning over the railing like he was, "Women troubles?"

His eyes flicked down to her hand and back up to her face, "Sort of." He finally said.

"Girlfriend or wife?" She asked.

Chandler scoffed, letting his head hang, "Neither."

"Oh, no," Ellie replied, "that's the worst kind of heartache."

He chuckled dryly; he already knew that it was, "Yeah."

"You should tell her how you feel," Ellie said, causing another look from him, "girls like that."

Chandler shook his head, "it isn't that simple."

"Nothing ever is when it comes to love." She leaned over him and kissed him on the cheek when she heard laughter getting closer to them. "Sounds like you're missing out on all the fun."

"I can live with that," he shrugged slightly as he continued to gaze out onto the waters surrounding them.

"You really have it bad, don't you?" she frowned.

He shrugged again and remained silent, wishing that if he closed his eyes he would be able to hear the waves crashing against the side of the boat instead of the bass of the pounding music and the constant laughter.

"Why don't you tell me what the complication is? Sometimes it can be fixed."

Chandler turned his face to her, contemplating her and her offer for a moment.

"There you are!"

He almost grinned at the other man's timing. Almost.

"He's the complication," he muttered quietly, more to himself than her, before he turned to acknowledge the smug bastard that approached. He had one of his brothers with him but Chandler couldn't remember his name.

"Chandler, the pretty women are here to entertain us...not chat to," he joked, throwing an arm over Chandler's shoulder to get closer to Ellie. "Hi."

He couldn't tell for sure, but it looked like she grimaced before smiling seductively, "would you like a dance Mr. Becker?"

"How can a man refuse such an offer from such a beautiful woman?" Pete smiled, taking her hand and leading her away from Chandler, leaving him with the random brother.

"How lucky is he?" the nameless man asked as his eyes followed Pete, "He always manages to get the pretty ones."

 _Yeah, like that had nothing to do with the man's money._ Chandler bit his lips to stop the sarcastic remark from leaving his mouth.

"And that one he's engaged to, that Monica girl? I don't know if you've met her but man, she is hot, like proper smoking hot! I'd never do that to my brother or anything, but just between us, I wouldn't say no to tapping that!"

Chandler's jaw tightened and he tried to keep a control over his breathing. He couldn't start some bar brawl on a middle of a boat. Especially as this guy looked quite big and Joey wasn't around for backup. No, he had to get control of himself; Monica wasn't even _his_ to get jealous over. Finally, he flicked his spent cigar into the water, "Excuse, me," he spat out as he none too gently pushed past the man with only one destination in mind.

He'd been right about tonight, it was already proving to be the hell he'd expected and even worse...there was no escape. He was trapped on this horrible boat with these horrible people all evening. He spared a glance at his watch and groaned. How had less than an hour gone by? It was going to be an extremely long night.

With a heavy sigh he headed to the bar. He had a feeling this was gonna be his favorite room tonight. He may be trapped with idiots, with no way out of here, but least there was his beloved open bar...he planned on taking full advantage.

He just prayed it would be enough to get him through tonight.

* * *

TBC... please let us know your thoughts...


	3. Chapter 3

"Same again?" the bartender asked recognizing him instantly and Chandler nodded quickly.

"Can you make it a double?"

He watched as the man nodded and swiftly poured his drink into the clear glass, pushing it towards him. Chandler nodded his thanks, and was about to take that first magical sip when an over-excited Ross bounded into the bar and jumped onto the stool next to him.

"Hey man," the paleontologist smiled happily. "Isn't this like the best bachelor party ever?"

"What about your own one?" he deadpanned, taking that sip of alcohol, closing his eyes as he let it burn his throat.

"Yeah right," Ross snorted, "this is a little classier than the hut."

Chandler just grunted. He'd give anything to be in that hut right now. Things were so much less complicated back then. It was before unrequited love and lesbian wives.

"It's gonna be the best night ever," Ross continued, completely oblivious, "I've heard he's got the yacht until early morning and there's gonna be fireworks."

Chandler rolled his eyes, sincerely hoping neither were true. He didn't know how long he was going last, but knew he didn't exactly have an alternative. He was well and truly stuck here in this living hell.

"How great is it that Monica is marrying this man?" Ross jabbered on, "I mean, he's gonna be able to give her anything she wants, absolutely anything. She's never gonna have to worry about money or her future."

"Right," he swallowed down the pain with another mouthful of whiskey.

Of course Ross was going to be happy for his baby sister. He _should_ be happy for her.

"And he's going to be Ben's uncle! Can you imagine the Christmas and Birthday gifts? It's just so awesome."

He closed his eyes again, just wishing Ross would disappear or at the very least-shut the hell up. He didn't need to be reminded of how perfect Pete was for Monica. How happy she was and what an amazing life she was going to have. He didn't need any of it.

"Aren't you playing poker with Joey?" Chandler cut across him, not caring that he was interrupting him, "Shouldn't you get back to that?"

"No," Ross frowned at Chandler's behavior, "he's off getting another lap dance."

"Oh."

Not knowing what else to say, Chandler lowered his eyes to his drink, wondering vaguely when it would start to do its job and numb the whole situation.

"Are you sure you're ok, man?" Ross asked.

He was getting fed up with people asking him that. Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

"I'm fine," he lied, pushing himself off from his stool, "excuse me." He left the bar praying that he could avoid bumping into anyone, for even just a little while.

"Chandler!" Joey yelled and he winced as he spotted him, "where the hell have you been? You're missing out on all the fun."

Chandler brought the glass of whiskey up to his lips to hide his look of disgust. Fun? Joey sat back further in his chair when one of the women came back, sitting in his lap, "You miss me, sweetheart?"

He moved his eyes from the pair to look around the table, and his anger rose when he saw a girl sitting on Pete's lap, a cigar in his mouth, laughing as she danced over him. He gritted his teeth together, having a sudden urge to punch him.

The woman moved off of him as Chandler walked around the table. Pete looked up at him, "You going to join us, Chanman?"

He had to lift the glass to his lips again so that hopefully no one saw him rolling his eyes, "No thanks," he answered quickly.

"Dude come on!" Joey said, pushing the empty chair next to him out, gesturing to the seat, "Sit down! Get a lap dance! Play some poker!"

He put up his free hand in defense, "Really not interested."

Jake nodded, "You've got to loosen up, man," he said, "this is a bachelor party! And not just any party...it's _the_ party of the century!"

Chandler sighed, running his hand through his hair. He knew if he didn't join in some sort of activity it would look suspicious and that he'd never hear the end of it from his friends or at anything to do with Pete and Monica.

 _Pete and Monica_.

Pete would tell Monica what a drag he was, and Monica would tell Rachel and Phoebe, and they would _never_ forget it.

Why didn't he have the power to snap his fingers and be _anywhere_ else?

He sighed, deciding that there was probably no way out of it, "Okay, fine." Walking over to the table, he sat down in the empty chair, earning a pat on the back from Joey.

The cards were dealt and Chandler tried his best to forget about why he was actually there, and pretend to have a good time. It was just a simply card game. He finished his drink again, and damn it, he forgot to ask the bartender if he could have the bottle.

"You need a refill, Chanman?" Pete asked, standing from the table and grabbing his glass.

"Chandler," he corrected, "whiskey on the rocks, thanks."

Pete chuckled, "Don't like nicknames, huh? It's cool. Me either."

Chandler picked up one of the red poker chips on the table, spinning it around in circles until it fell. He could think of several names for Pete...none of them very nice. He didn't mind nicknames, really, he didn't. There was just something about it when _Pete_ said it; as if they were friends. He had no intention of ever being the man's friend. He was suffering through this for Monica.

The man in white, who right now he _hated_ , hated for all of this, returned to the table, setting down Chandler's drink in front of him. He nodded at him, unable to make a verbal thank you leave his lips.

Another round was dealt, "So Pete, how many dates did you go on before Monica let you touch her?" Chandler's head snapped up to stare at one of Pete's friends that he didn't know. Didn't want to know.

Pete chuckled, grabbing a handful of peanuts and throwing them in his mouth, "Greg, seriously?"

"Yeah! What else are bachelor parties for? We've gotta talk about some sex, come on!"

Chandler couldn't hear this. He _wouldn't_ hear this, "No, I really don't think we need to talk about Pete's sex life."

Joey looked over at Chandler, his smile lost from his face, "Dude, why not?"

Chandler sighed, "Monica is one of our best friends, Joey," he spoke softer to his friend so that the rest of the table wouldn't hear him, "I don't want to hear how Pete 'touches' her." He honestly thought he would jump off the boat...or at the very least see his dinner make another appearance. He just couldn't listen to that; wouldn't.

Joey thought about that for a second, nodding a little, "That makes sense." He sat back in his chair again, "I agree with Chandler, no Monica sex talk!"

Greg began rambling about a vacation with his girlfriend that was coming up, and Chandler let out a gigantic breath he'd been holding in. He needed more liquor, he wasn't feeling any effects of what he'd been drinking so far.

That was _two_ men he wanted to punch until they forgot their own name.

What _bastards_.

* * *

"Pete! Pete! Pete! Pete!"

Chandler stood at the back of the small crowd that circled around Pete, his jaw clenched, his free hand forming a fist, his palm sweating.

"Pete! Pete! Pete! Pete!"

He watched as the man at the center of attention downed his drink and placed the empty glass on his head. Cheering in triumph.

God, he really didn't know how much more of this he could take. He felt sick to his stomach. The booze had finally started working and the world had turned a little fuzzy a while back. Unfortunately, the fuzziness hadn't dampened the pain he felt, hadn't made him forgot the woman of his dreams was about to marry another man...this man.

"Pete you rock, dude!" Someone shouted too close to Chandler's ear.

He winced, ironically starting to get that headache he'd faked earlier. Damn karma. His stomach was starting to rebel against both the alcohol and the fact he hadn't been on solid ground for hours. He felt hot, too hot; he'd already loosened his stupid bow tie. He needed air.

He turned to leave but was stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Can you believe Pete managed to drink all that?" Joey said, excitement in his voice.

He merely grunted, shrugging off the hand before taking another sip of tonight's poison, not caring as his stomach protested.

"It's a good thing he's not staying with Monica tonight right? He's gonna be a mess."

"Right," he swallowed hard, images of Pete and Monica together in bed flashing through his mind, taunting him. He had to escape.

"Where are you going?" Joey asked, his hand on his shoulder again, anchoring him and preventing his retreat, "they're about to bring out more food. I'm hoping for some sandwiches."

"I'm good on the food front," he promised. He didn't need food; he needed to get away from here.

"You sure?" Joey raised a skeptical eyebrow, "Because it looks like you've stuck to the drink front all night and could do with something to eat."

If he hadn't felt so rotten and sick to his core, he might have been slightly touched by Joey's attempt at mother henning or maybe even seen the truth in his statement. But right now he couldn't deal with it.

"I'm fine, Joe," he used his usual lie. "People drink on bachelor parties, right? It's the law."

He took another swig, as if to prove his point, but Joey's frown just deepened. Chandler sighed, he really didn't need this, "I'm gonna get some air," he announced, already walking away.

Chandler was grateful when his roommate didn't follow him. He was even more grateful to find the deck empty. He closed his eyes, letting the breeze hit his face as he tried to soothe the dull throb in his head, the queasiness in his stomach and pain in his heart.

He could still hear the laughter and the cheering in the background that mocked him. He hated this, all of this. He usually avoided Pete when he could. Not that Pete was a bad man, because he wasn't, he was just a very lucky man that Chandler couldn't help but resent. He didn't like having to spend time watching him with Monica. All their smiles, touches, and kisses...each one was like a knife straight to his already bruised heart.

And now he was stuck on a boat with the man and his closest friends. Forced to pretend to be happy for him and watch him be center of attention. Forced to listen to everyone celebrate and congratulate him again and again while he continued to suffer in silence.

Was he strong enough for this? Even after tonight he still had to endure days of last minute wedding talk, then the actual wedding. Then even if he survived the wedding he had to watch them leave on their honeymoon while he stayed at home imagining what they were doing. A shudder went through him.

Then when they came back there would be the photographs to sit through, to help him relive the nightmare, and then she'd be Pete's wife. She'd be living with him, married to him. Planning that family...and what was he meant to do? How was he meant to get over her? He was constantly reminded about just how freaking incredible the woman was. He knew he'd never find anyone like her.

And what hurt the most? That he _could_ have been with her. It's not like he'd met her when she was with Pete. He'd known her for so long, been best friends with her. He had no one to blame for this situation but himself.

He had to forever live with the regret, knowing that he'd missed his chance and cursing himself for not taking the chance when he could have.

"Hey Sailor."

He opened his eyes, a slight frown creasing his forehead as he looked over at Ellie.

"Hey," he offered half-heartedly. He really didn't want company...apart from his whiskey glass and maybe another cigar.

As if by magic a cigar was in front of him. He cocked his head in a silent question.

"It looked like you might need one," she smiled. "Hell, it looked like you need something a lot stronger but this really isn't that type of crowd," she winked to show she was joking.

He nodded in thanks, taking her offering and lighting it with ease. Slowly he breathed in the smoke, savoring the feel of it. Man he missed smoking.

"So, you ready to talk about it yet?" she asked.

Chandler chuckled, although there was no humor, "you don't quit, do you?"

"No, not when I have personal interest," she smiled, winking.

Was she trying to hit on him? He was so out of practice he couldn't even tell, so he left the bait hanging.

"Come on, talk to me," she insisted, "it's not healthy keeping it all bottled up."

She placed a hand, complete with perfectly manicured nails onto his arm, stroking it lightly. He looked down at her hand, watching as it caressed him through the suit jacket slowly.

"So tell me," she continued softly, her voice practically purring. "You said Mr. Becker is the complication. Is it his girl you like?"

He closed his eyes. There were too many emotions and sensations coursing through him. He still felt sick, hot and drunk. Her hands were causing confusing goose bumps on his skin. He felt guilty for taking comfort in them, almost as if he were cheating on Monica. His brain was so confused, his beating heart breaking even more at her calling Monica Pete's girl. The injustice and hatred at the situation was bubbling up and he just didn't know what to do. He just wanted to blackout and let it all just pass him. Let him wake up when it was all over. The party, the wedding, and life... it was just too much.

Then he felt her lips on his. He stayed frozen as her lips slowly caressed his own, her breath hot against his skin. One hand stayed on his arm while the other gently, seductively stroked his cheek.

"I can make you feel better," she breathed into his ear. "Let me, I can take the pain away."

He wished that were true. Wished it would be that easy but it wouldn't be. Even in his present state he knew that.

"No," he shook his head, opening his eyes and taking a step back. "We can't do this."

"Why not?" she offered him a supportive smile, taking a step towards him. He felt like prey. "Come on, she's not your girlfriend or your wife." she pointed out as he continued to shake his head. "She's going to be someone else's wife," she reminded him. She was in his personal space, her fingers stroking the front of his crisp white shirt. A couple of long fingers crept between the buttons and touched his skin.

"No," he backed away more forcefully, as if the skin contact shocked him into action. He stepped fully away, scrubbing a hand through his hair and thankfully she took the hint and didn't follow him. "Look," he sighed, "you're a pretty girl and I appreciate what you're trying to do, but my head's really not in a good place right now, ok? I can't handle doing...that...not while my thoughts are with her...it wouldn't be right."

"It might help?" she suggested. "You need to move on. It's not healthy longing for someone else's girlfriend."

"You think I don't know that?" he sighed heavily. "I know that and I'll move on when I'm ready. Right now she's all I can think about, this isn't just some kindergarten crush. It's going to take time for me to move on from her and forget her. Just drop it, ok? Please, just drop it," he said quietly.

Silently Chandler walked over to the railing again, closing his eyes and trying to block everything out.

"You really love her, don't you?" she asked softly.

Chandler didn't open his eyes, didn't turn to face her. He just nodded.

"I hope she's worth this heartache."

He listened as she left, her high heels clicking against the boat as she walked away.

"She is," Chandler breathed quietly, letting his head hang.

That was the problem. She was worth everything.

"Who is she?"

Chandler's eyes opened wide as he spun around to find Joey standing there.

Aw crap.

* * *

TBC...

A/N - thanks guys for your reviews- all are hugely appreciated! Would love to hear what you think of this chapter. Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! We wanted to thank everyone for the awesome reviews! We're glad you're enjoying!  
There's still tons of angst, we know, but keep on reading! ;) **

* * *

Chandler turned back around, ignoring him, hoping that his friend was drunk enough to drop the subject.

"Chandler," Joey said, walking even closer to him.

 _Damn it,_ no such luck.

He ran a hand over his face and spun his glass, making the ice make noise, "it's nothing, Joey."

"You've been saying that for months. I know something's wrong with you. I'm not as dumb as I look, okay? Tell me, talk to me."

Chandler's head was swimming. He wasn't sure if it was all of the liquor he'd drank or this conversation that was making him dizzy. He looked out over the water again but was very aware of his friend staring at the side of his face, "It doesn't matter," he finally said, "please, _please_ just drop it."

Joey crossed his arms and continued to stare at him, "Chandler you and I have always been able to talk about anything. Why can't you tell me? Who is it?"

"Because I can't." Chandler spat at him.

He stepped closer to him, "The only reason I can think of for you not telling me who it is would be because I know the woman." Chandler gulped, because unfortunately, Joey was getting warmer, "Is it someone I know?"

Chandler continued to not look at him, staring at the night sky, making noise with the ice in the glass, "It's _really_ not important."

Joey put his hand on his shoulder, pushing him a little to make Chandler look at him, "Is it one of the girls?" Chandler didn't meet his eyes, instead picking something on the floor of the deck to stare at. "Chandler."

"I'm not talking about this!" Chandler finally snapped.

Joey crossed his arms defensively. "We're not leaving this spot until you tell me," he said, not willing to give up on his friend. He looked at the top of Chandler's head, realizing the only logical answer to his persistent question.

Joey knew how much Chandler loved his friends, and how he would do anything for any of them, but he also knew how close he was with one person in particular. He smiled more when she was around. He always sat through a chick flick of any length just because she wanted to watch it. He has ran to the store for her in the middle of the night if she needed girlie stuff or even a tub of ice cream to cry into.

It was in front of his face the _whole_ time.

"It's Monica, isn't it?" Chandler's eyes met his just for a split second, and then Joey had his definite answer. "Monica?"

Chandler sighed and threw the rest of the unsmoked cigar into the water below them, "Will you shut up, please?" He walked away from him, catching his step when the boat rocked a little more. Maybe he was drunker than he thought he was.

He didn't care. He needed more. More liquor to numb his entire body. He walked past the group of men still in a circle, laughing about something obnoxious. He found the bar and put the glass on the wood, sliding it towards the bar tender, who automatically filled the glass with a double of whiskey. "Thanks Jim."

He rolled his eyes when Joey found him, walking up to him quickly, "we are not done with this conversation."

Chandler took a large swallow of his drink, "I think that we are," he said.

Joey furrowed his eyebrows, "what in the hell is wrong with you?"

"I am not talking about this with you!" Chandler stated firmly.

Joey stepped towards him, quieting his voice a little so that anybody around them couldn't hear. "You can't be in love with Monica! She's getting _married_ this weekend. And you are currently at her fiancé's bachelor party!"

Chandler felt his hand ball into a fist, "damn it, you don't think I know that?"

Joey opened his arms, staring at him, "well I can't tell. You're walking around here like you're a zombie!"

"Shut the hell up, Joey." Chandler said through his teeth, "I told you that none of it mattered anyway."

"Well good. Because you're too late!" the man hissed. Chandler stared at him, biting the inside of his lip so he didn't lay his fist into his friend's face, "you're too late." Joey said again, this time a little calmer, more even toned. He pointed with his thumb over his shoulder in the general direction of the man in all white, "she's marrying Pete."

Chandler wanted so bad to let out his frustration by smashing his glass across the room or throwing his barstool in the vague direction of Pete, or hell, even Joey. He needed to do something to vent; his pent up frustrations welling up inside him ready to burst. He gritted his teeth together again, "Just get the hell away from me."

Joey watched as Chandler walked around him, walking as quickly as he could to get away from him. Ross walked up and stood beside him, "what was that all about?"

He sighed, "nothing, Ross. It's complicated."

"Do I need to go talk to him?"

"No." Joey said quickly, "I'm handling it. Everything's fine. Just...leave him alone, please."

Ross nodded and watched as the Italian man followed his roommate's footsteps out of the bar.

Joey walked slowly, trying to calm himself and process this new revelation. Chandler was in love with Monica? He couldn't believe it. He knew something had been weighing his best friend down but never once would he have guessed this was the reason. Looking back though it all started to fall into place. The timing of his mood swings, the lack of jokes, the way he'd often find an excuse to leave the room anytime Pete was over at Monica's place.

What the hell was he supposed to do to help him? He spotted the man in question sitting on a step on the deck. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut, his knuckles white where he held his glass. He looked the picture of despair.

Taking a deep breath, not sure where this conversation would lead he approached with caution, like one might a wild animal, not wanting to frighten or spook it.

"I never intended for it to happen," Chandler's voice was strained; seeming a lot weaker than it had moments before. The man looked like he'd simply deflated. Given up and accepted his fate. "I didn't want it to happen."

"Sure," Joey shrugged slightly, his eyes still on his friend.

"And when I noticed it was happening I tried to stop it, I really did," Chandler promised, "but I couldn't, can't. The more I tried to actually resist it the stronger it got," he paused, raising his head and opening his eyes to meet Joey's. "What do I do Joey?"

Joey swallowed, taking a couple of steps towards his friend to sit beside him. He stayed quiet for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. How to make this better. He had nothing.

"She's just so goddamn perfect," Chandler continued, pain flooding his voice. "Every single little freaking thing about her makes me want to be with her so badly and it's killing me that she's with Pete, absolutely killing me."

"But Chandler," he said softly, "she _is_ with Pete. She _wants_ to be with Pete. She's in _love_ with _Pete_. She's gonna marry Pete."

"I know," he said sharply, squeezing the bridge of his nose as he screwed his eyes shut against his overwhelming emotions. It hurt so damn much. He'd never experienced pain like this. It was consuming him. Keeping it inside all these months, having to constantly lie and hide it had taken its toll on him; it had crushed him. And now talking about it wasn't helping. Talking to that Ellie girl, talking to Joey, having his deepest secret laid bare and hashing out wasn't helping. He just felt even more hopeless...just now with an audience. "Tell me what to do, Joe," he practically begged. He needed guidance. Needed something, anything.

"You've gotta move on, date other women," Joey insisted. "There's plenty out there that aren't engaged, ok? Plenty out there that aren't your best friend and that are actually attainable."

Chandler shook his head. He didn't want other women. He wanted _her._

"Take that stripper girl that was all over you," Joey said, "Go find her, get her number and take her up on her offer."

Chandler shook his head, "I don't want to."

"You have to do something, Chandler," Joey pointed out. "You can't just pine over Monica."

He knew his roommate's words were true but he didn't want to accept them. His head was pounding now, his stomach queasy, his hangover wanting to kick in early. It was all such a mess. _He_ was such a mess.

"I'm not ready," his confession was whispered into the night air.

"You don't have any choice," he gravely informed him. "She's gonna be Mrs. Pete Becker soon. Do you honestly think this is gonna get any better after she's married? It's just gonna get worse. You need to do something now."

To Joey's surprise Chandler stood up, swaying slightly and grabbing the banister for support.

"I am going to do something right now," Chandler announced but his tone had Joey frowning.

"You gonna find that girl?" he asked hopefully.

"Nope," he laid down his empty glass and took a few steps away from Joey. "I'm gonna chuck up over the side of this yacht, then find some spot that I can just curl up in a ball and sleep until this evening is over and most importantly, I'm gonna forget we ever had this conversation."

"Chandler!" Joey protested jumping up. "I can't do that! I want to help you."

He turned to face him for a moment and then sighed heavily. "You wanna help me, Joe? Then make sure they don't do anything to me while I sleep." He slammed his eyes shut when he thought that the drinks he'd consumed were about to make their way back up to his mouth, "and please don't tell anybody about this. It's hard enough as it is."

Joey rolled his eyes, reaching out a hand and catching his arm, "Please, just-"

"Unless you want to own two vomit tuxes, get out of my way, please," he added. His voice was quiet but serious, a tone that never suited Chandler.

Swallowing, Joey stepped back and released him. Watching as he walked away.

* * *

The next morning saw a very hungover Chandler sitting at their kitchen counter. He stared unseeingly at the door as he nursed a glass of water. Last night had been a disaster.

He heard his roommate's bedroom door open behind him and he closed his eyes, barely concealing his groan.

"Hey," Joey greeted. Chandler didn't bother to turn around. "Look, Chandler…."

"Don't," he said sharply, still not facing him. "Just don't."

"You don't think we should talk about this?"

"No." He didn't.

"Chandler…."

He brought the glass of water up to his mouth, taking a sip of it, "drop it."

Joey walked around the counter so that he could see his face, "This is not something that you drop."

Chandler held his throbbing head up with his hand, trying his best not to look at his friend.

He sighed, stepping to the refrigerator to pull out several supplies, and the constant noise of glass bottles hitting the counter finally made Chandler look up at him, "What are you doing?

"Well, you don't want to talk about this because you have a severe hangover, right? So I'm making you something to get rid of your hangover. I call it the Joremedy."

"I don't want to talk about it because it doesn't matter." Chandler didn't move his head, but his eyes followed Joey as he poured several different ingredients in the glass. "Yeah, I'm not drinking that." Joey stopped squeezing lemon juice into the cup when Chandler slowly stood up from the stool and walked over to the living room, lying down on the couch, his head on one of the throw pillows.

"It does matter because I can't stand to see you like this. "Joey abandoned his hangover drink and walked over to the barcalounger closest to the couch, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees.

"So, when did it happen?" He asked softly.

Chandler groaned, "Is this dropping it?"

"We're not going to drop it," Joey stated, "you need to get this out of you. That's why it's torturing you."

He still didn't say anything, throwing his arm over his eyes. Yet again, Joey was wrong. Keeping everything bottled up wasn't what was torturing him.

 _Monica…and Pete._

God, this sucked. Now, not only was his heart shattered into a million pieces, but his head pounded so hard he was sure it would fall off of his shoulders if he moved too quick.

"When did it happen?" He heard Joey ask again. Chandler let out the breath he'd been holding, the memory of 'when it happened' flooding into his pounding head.

* * *

/flashback/

He stood in her bedroom doorway for a moment drinking her in. She sat huddled on her bed, her hair pulled up in an untidy bun-thing, her robe on, hugging her knees to her chest, with her bare feet poking out. She looked so sad that it broke his heart.

"Hey," he said softly, announcing his presence.

She turned her head to greet him and offered him a small tug of a smile.

"Hey," she greeted back, her voice just as soft and sad. "What are you doing here?"

Taking that as an invitation, he walked further into her room, his eyes taking a moment to look around their surroundings. He loved her bedroom; it just breathed Monica.

"I, uh, just wanted to check how you were doing," he confessed gently, almost apologetically.

She sighed and patted the space beside her. Nodding, he walked the rest of the way to the bed and perched on the edge beside her.

"You ok?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

"I don't know," she sighed again, heavily. "I just don't know what to do," he could hear the frustration and a hint of anger entering her voice.

"What do you want to do?" Chandler winced slightly, thinking he was sounding a little like his childhood shrink.

"Rachel and Phoebe think I should break up with him," Monica sighed. "That I already gave him the ultimatum and that he chose this stupid fighting thing instead of me. That I shouldn't have to watch him getting his spine bruised or broken and that I should just end it before I get hurt...by him getting hurt."

"Ok," he swallowed, his heart beating a little faster. "But what do you think?" That was the million dollar question. As much as he'd love her to break up with the man, to end this relationship before it got serious and let him comfort her, let her finally see what was in front of her, it wasn't worth risking her happiness. He knew she liked Pete and he was determined to push down his own feelings and help her. This as about Monica. Not him.

Besides, it wasn't like he was in _love_ with the woman. This was just a crush. A little crush. One he'd get over.

"I don't know!" she burst, frustrated. "I know I don't _want_ to break up with him but I hate seeing him getting hurt, knowing he's in pain. And for no reason apart from that he's so damn stubborn."

"He's not going to give up, at least not for a while," Chandler pointed out gently. "Do you think you could stand seeing him like that? Do you think he's worth it? I mean, going through all this?"

He swallowed hard, hating that he was trying to be the voice of reason. Part of him wished he could just take the same stance as Rachel and Phoebe and tell her to break up with the psycho millionaire, but he couldn't. He wouldn't be able to live with the guilt. No, she had to make this decision by herself...no matter which way it went.

"I think so," she confessed quietly, childlike, as she hugged her knees closer. She looked so fragile that he wanted to pull her into a hug and never let go. "I mean, I haven't felt like this with anyone since Richard. He makes me feel loved and cherished you know?" she blushed slightly at confessing this and Chandler thought she looked adorable. "I think I love him, Chandler."

He froze, totally caught off guard. Totally unprepared for her saying that or how her saying that would cut him in two. He was staring at her, observing how bright her eyes were, the glow her face had. She looked so good being in love...and it crushed him in a way he hadn't expected.

He didn't want her to be in love with Pete.

"T-that's great," he lied, swallowing hard, praying she wouldn't notice his rapid heart, his confusion or his sudden change in mood.

"Really?" she scoffed. "I'd rather be in love with someone who isn't crazy."

The last word was said with so much affection that it was another blow to his heart. What was happening? His feelings for Monica were something he'd live with for a long time. They weren't serious...were they?

"You can't help who you fall in love with," he said softly. "Go with your heart, Mon. If he's worth it then you have to just wait this crazy period out. Hopefully he'll give in soon...whilst he still has all his limbs."

She shuffled slightly, moving closer to him so their shoulders touched. She rested her head on his shoulder. "He's a terrible fighter, isn't he?" Her tone was a lot lighter.

"Oh yeah," he said quietly, still a little preoccupied with his own thoughts. Still confused at the feelings of lost that was starting to settle over him. "He sucks at it."

"Yeah," she grinned a little bit, chuckling. "He really does. At least he's _my_ crazy millionaire, right?"

He closed his eyes, still experiencing those strange feelings, "sure," he finally managed to croak out.

"Thanks, Chandler," she snuggled further into him. "You always know how to cheer me up. You just get me more than anyone else."

"No worries," he placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. Savoring the feel of her soft hair against his lips, enjoying the familiar smell that filled his nostrils.

A horrible sinking feeling went through him, settling rock hard in his stomach as realization slowly dawned on him. That little crush he'd harboured, those 'slightly more than friends' thoughts he'd had about her. They meant something.

Love?

No, he couldn't be in love with her. That was ridiculous. It was nothing, it would blow over.

Hopefully soon.

/End of flashback/

* * *

"I'm still waiting for it to blow over," Chandler confessed dryly. "Any day now."

Joey sighed, rolling his eyes at Chandler's humor. Taking a breath he ran a hand through his hair, not getting it,"You're Chandler Bing...you don't fall in love. You don't want a committed relationship. What changed?"

"I want it with her." Chandler said slowly.

"Why did it change?"

He moved his arm from over his eyes and turned his head to look at Joey. "I'm a different person then I was." It was the truth.

Joey sighed, "but you can't have that with Monica."

Chandler put his arm over his eyes again, "I know that. You don't have to keep telling me."

Joey sat back on the brown leather, "why didn't you tell her about all of this before she met Pete?"

He let out an exasperated sigh, "Joseph are you trying to make me feel worse?"

Joey shook his head, "no, I'm not. I'm trying to get you to see that you need to move on." He looked down at the floor for a second, "oh! Why don't you try a date with Rachel or Phoebe? They're not engaged or even _seeing_ anybody."

He let out a laugh and winced when his stomach flipped upside down. He sat up to see if his body liked that position better.

Nope.

"Well what did…"

Chandler held up his hand, stopping Joey before he could ask another question, "let me save you a little breath, okay? I know that this thing I have about Monica is pointless now. I know that she's not available anymore. I know that she loves Pete, I know that she is going to marry Pete. I know she is going to move in and have babies and raise a family with him. I know all of it. And eventually…" he stopped. That wasn't the right word, "...hopefully, I'll get over her one day. It's just going to take time. I can't go on a date or find a random girl in the bar to have sex with. That's not how it works. I've been dealing with this for a long time now, and I can keep dealing with it. You don't have to worry about me, and you don't have to worry about her." His stomach flipped over again and he didn't know if it was because he was telling all of this to Joey or if he was more hungover than he'd ever been in his life. "I'm gonna be fine, and she's…" he sighed, "she's the happiest I've ever seen her. I'm not going to screw that up. I'd never do that to her."

Joey sat back with all of this new information, processing it in a way that only Joey could. He sighed, reaching over to pat his friend on the shoulder, "Okay then."

Chandler nodded, relieved that Joey seemed to understand him a little better, "alright." He laid down on the couch again, finding that it was about the only way he could be comfortable.

A moment later the door opened and Joey turned his attention away from his suffering roommate to see who had entered. He laughed a little nervously when it turned out to be the woman they'd just finished talking about, "oh, hey Monica!"

Chandler groaned a little, shutting his eyes.

Just what he didn't need right now.

* * *

 **Tell us your thoughts? :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Monica smiled, walking into the living room, eyeing the two of them. She frowned a little, Joey was looking at her kinda funny. "Hey guys," she stood in front of Joey, "I just came by to see how the party went last night." She looked over at Chandler and wondered if he was sleeping.

"It was great!" Joey said, "We never knew how much fun we could _really_ have on a boat."

Monica nodded, "Oh good!" She motioned with her head towards the couch, "what's with him?"

Chandler groaned, "can we lower our voices, please?"

Joey made a face towards her, "he's a little hungover this morning. Went a little hard on the whiskey."

She furrowed her eyebrows together, walking to the couch and sitting on the edge next to him. She felt she knew Chandler pretty well, probably the best out of all of them, and she knew that he didn't drink whiskey. Beer was his alcoholic drink of choice, and if it did change, it was tequila, not whiskey.

"You drank whiskey?"

Chandler finally moved his arm to look at her beautiful face, "yes."

She turned her head even more, placing her hand on his chest, "why? You don't like whiskey."

He pushed himself up further on the couch, trying to ignore her touch that was burning through his t-shirt and ignore the way Joey was curiously watching their interaction, "well, I've kind of developed a taste for it."

That wasn't the complete truth. He really only drank it to try and numb his body quicker, and it didn't work anyway.

Monica nodded, but he was sure she wasn't convinced. "Okay, well, make sure that you are better before the rehearsal dinner tomorrow."

He pulled up the corner of his mouth, trying to form a least half a smile for her. He couldn't believe this wedding was two days away. "Oh, I'll be fine," he said, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. He had said those words so many times to everybody that he wasn't sure if they even meant anything anymore, "don't worry about me."

Monica moved her hand up to his shoulder, squeezing it before standing from the couch, "I've got breakfast over here. You guys should come and eat."

Chandler slid back down on the couch, groaning at the mention of food, "not hungry."

Joey was already at the door, leaving the apartment to head across the hall. Monica chuckled and moved back to the couch, looking down at him, "you should eat something. It might help."

"I can't," he said, "the thought of it makes me even sicker."

She reached down and took his hand, "are you sure you're alright?"

Damn it, she was touching him again, but at least there was no audience, "Monica, really. I'll be okay. I just drank a little more than my body weight last night...because of all the fun activities going on, you know."

"No, I don't mean because of the hangover." Her blue eyes met his tired ones, "you seem a little down lately."

Crap, she noticed he wasn't the happy, joking Chandler he used to be. He swallowed, sitting up on the couch again, "I'm okay."

"You know you can talk to me, right?" She sat down, realizing that the conversation was heading into something longer than she originally thought. She rubbed the top of his hand, "I'm still here."

Good _grief_ he loved her. He tried to hide the nervousness in his voice, "I know."

She nodded, accepting that for the moment, "okay. Please try and eat something. I'll make you whatever you want."

His stomach was turning somersaults now. He shook his head, "I can't eat. I can't, I can't, I _can't._ "

Sighing, she let go of his hand and stood from the couch, "come over at least. We haven't seen much of you lately."

He nodded slowly, laying down on the couch again, positioning the pillow behind his head. "I'll stop by later."

Monica nodded, watching him as he put his arm over his eyes again. She knew something was bothering her friend; she just couldn't lay a finger on it. She made a mental note to figure out what the problem was with him... _after_ the wedding, of course.

* * *

A sharp pain shot through Chandler's head as the duck alarm clock went off right next to his ear. He batted the poultry away and sat up, groaning as he remembered how hungover he was. He waited for the world to right itself before looking over at the wall, squinting to read the clock. It was almost three in the afternoon, so he must've fallen asleep. His stomach growled, and for the first time in about a day he actually felt a little hungry instead of queasy.

He stood, grabbing the glass he had earlier and walked into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and found nothing edible, so decided that he should do what he promised and stop by the girl's apartment.

Walking into apartment 20, he looked around to find it empty. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. Surely they had something to eat around here. He started towards the white box in the room when the door was flung open. A happy, smiley Rachel walked in ahead of an excited Monica and Phoebe, who were shortly behind with bags all over their arms.

"Oh hey!" Phoebe said, spotting the man in the room first.

Chandler finished pulling out ingredients for a sandwich, "Hey."

Monica walked over next to him, "I'm so glad you're up. And you're eating!"

He nodded, "Yeah, I thought I'd give it a shot."

"Well I'm glad you're here. I really need a man's opinion on something." Chandler put his sandwich together, watching as she looked through the many shopping bags scattered around the table.

"Oh, good idea!" Rachel said, "That way you can know for sure!" She began to look through the bags with Monica, and picked one up quickly; swinging it as she handed it to Monica, "Go put it on!"

"Really?" she questioned looking at Rachel, than Phoebe.

"Really," Rachel insisted, "it's just Chandler."

Chandler ignored them and took an experimental bite of his sandwich, pausing mid chew to see if it was going to make him sick. His stomach seemed to agree with the substance, so he nodded, finishing the bite and taking another. Phoebe sat down at the table next to Chandler, taking a sip from her water bottle.

"So how was the bachelor party last night?"

He lifted his eyebrows as he swallowed the third bite and took a drink of water, "Fine."

Phoebe chuckled, "Were there strippers there?"

Chandler resisted the urge to roll his eyes at her, "yes."

She giggled, "did you score?"

"Um, no," he said quickly, "we just played poker and smoked cigars." He sighed, hoping that his explanation of the night before would be enough to halt Phoebe's questions.

"Sounds like a manly night," she said to him, and he nodded in response.

"Okay Chandler, what do you think?" Rachel asked him, causing him to turn his head to look at Monica, who emerged from her bedroom in a white piece of lingerie that had lace on the top that showed off her chest and the bottom that barely went past her thighs. Rachel held up a red one on a hanger, holding it next to Monica, "I like this red one. But Monica says white. What do you think?"

All three girls turned to Chandler, looking at him as he stared at Monica. What was she trying to do to him? This was pure hell.

Torture.

"Chandler?" Monica said, trying to get his attention.

Rachel waved the red number on the hanger, "This one, right?"

Chandler couldn't take his eyes off of her. His mouth was dry, his head was spinning and he couldn't form words. "I uh-" He tried. That wasn't a sentence.

Monica turned her head, "see, he doesn't like either one! I knew we should've gotten that blue one!"

Chandler stood from his chair, walking over to her slowly, clearing his throat to see if he could make his mouth work, "no." Monica and Rachel both looked at him, waiting on him to continue. He lifted a hand, pointing at Monica, "that one is…"

"What's wrong with you?" Rachel asked, "you look a little pale."

He finally took his stare off of Monica to look over at Rachel, shaking his head, "no, I'm fine, just hungover." He pulled himself together as much as he could, but when his eyes met Monica's again, his brain went into mush. He swallowed and shut his eyes just for a second, "that's the one."

Monica let a smile tug onto her face, "are you sure? Because I didn't think this…"

Chandler had the overwhelming urge to shove her against the wall and show her just how sure he was, but he only nodded his head, "yes, I'm sure. T-that one is perfect."

Monica's smile grew, "aw, I knew I could count on you to make the right decision! Thanks Chandler!"

Rachel sighed, "Chandler, you were supposed to pick the _red_ one!"

Monica danced around a little, "but he didn't! He picked this one so I win!"

Chandler watched the beautiful creature in front of him as she went into her room, followed by Rachel. Chandler sighed, running a hand through his hair as he made his way back to the sandwich. Desperate to scrub the images from his mind.

Phoebe stared at him as he picked it back up, taking a bite of it. He felt her eyes on the side of his face, so he looked at her, swallowing again, "what?"

"What was that all about?"

He sat back in his chair, "what was what all about?"

"The way you were looking at her," Phoebe said, "you were staring at her so hard, I thought, for a second, that you had x-ray vision. It's like you were in love with her."

Chandler looked at her, his eyes big and in disbelief. He had to think of _something_ to say, he tried to laugh like it was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard, but it came out more like a nervous laugh. "Pheebs, don't be silly. Monica is just a friend."

"You weren't looking at her like she was a friend." Phoebe took another sip of water, "I know things, Chandler Bing."

Chandler's eyes grew again. Did Joey say something to her?

No. He wouldn't.

Right?

"Phoebe don't be ridiculous. I only love her just like I love you and Rachel. As a friend, that's all." He hoped she would drop it. "She just caught me off guard with the whole lingerie thing. Any man would have been stunned."

Much to his relief, she let it go when Monica and Rachel walked out of her bedroom, Monica back in her regular clothes and the red piece of clothing back in the bag to return to the store. She still had a smile from one side of her face to the other.

"What can I say, Rach? You know you were wrong about the red. And I know that I won!" Chandler stood from the table heading towards the door, "Chandler, where are you going?" Monica asked.

He sighed, reminding himself to act as normal as possible with Phoebe watching him, "I'm just gonna go take some more medicine and let you girls talk." He said, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb. "I'll see you guys later." He said, walking out of the apartment and leaning on the door.

He covered up his face with both of his hands.

If he didn't get over his absolute love and desire for Monica soon, he was definitely going to have to figure out a way to hide it better, or just stay away from her so that he wouldn't make a fool out of himself again.

He _really_ hoped it wasn't option two.

"Whatcha doing?"

He reluctantly pulled his hands away to meet his roommates' curious eyes and let out a heavy sigh, "losing my mind," he eventually replied, pushing himself from the girl's' door.

At least he didn't have to hide it from one of his friends. Maybe there was an advantage of Joey knowing.

"Monica?" the other man asked, already knowing the answer as he opened the door to apartment 19 and gestured Chandler to go first.

"Practically naked, Monica," Chandler groaned, collapsing in the barcalounger and covering his face with his hands again.

"Yeah? What's that like?" Joey asked excitedly. Not liking the tone of his voice Chandler lowered his hands enough to glare at him. "What?" he protested. "You can't tell me she looked bad."

"That's the problem," Chandler groaned dramatically. "How am I even meant to 'move' on and forget about her when she's modeling frickin' lingerie for me?"

"Lingerie?"

"Yeah...for her wedding night," he squeezed his eyes shut against the pain and anguish that hit him. "I got to see what she's gonna wear for _him,_ even got to rate it."

His stomach churned at the mere thought that the next person to see her in the white piece of material would be her husband. He felt the jealousy, felt the pain as he mind's eye pictured Pete reaching for her, touching her.

"Arrghh!" Chandler burst, hating his tortuous mind. He jumped to his feet, pacing the floor in a desperate need to just move, anything to stop his train of thoughts.

Joey sat on one of the barstools, watching his roommate, concerned.

Eventually, Chandler's pace slowed and he turned to face his friend, a weary look on his face, "do you think there's any chance that this will just 'turn off' when she's married? Like something will just click in my head that she's married, game over and I'll just stop wanting her?"

He looked so hopeful that Joey tried to offer him a small shrug, "sure?"

"Maybe I've only gotta get through a few more days and then it'll all just disappear? I'll be free of this...this hold she has over me?"

"I hope so, buddy." Joey didn't think it would work like that but if this gave his friend some hope, something to cling onto these next few days then he wasn't going to put a dampener on it. Hell, he knew it was gonna be really tough for Chandler as the wedding approached.

"If it doesn't get better, then I don't know what I'm gonna do," he confessed quietly before scrubbing a hand through his hair. "I'm struggling trying to hide it as it is, Joe. It's getting more difficult. I thought I was dealing with it but now with you and Phoebe…"

"Phoebe?" Joey asked quickly, "What does she know?"

"Nothing," Chandler sighed, "nothing for sure and it's gotta stay that way," he shot Joey a stern look.

He held his hands up in defense, "I'm not gonna say anything."

"Thanks," Chandler nodded. "I really can't deal with everyone talking about this, watching me, pitying me-"

"No one is 'pitying' you," Joey tried to argue but Chandler was shaking his head.

"They would," he said gravely. "It's hard enough as it is without everyone getting involved," he let out a non-humorous laugh which made Joey raise a questioning eyebrow.

"What?" he questioned.

"I've got a new respect for what Ross and Rachel went through," Chandler admitted. Suddenly feeling bad for all the times he'd mocked his friend for his crush and teased him. If he'd known this was what he'd been going through he would have cut him some slack, a lot more slack.

"Hey!"

They snapped their heads up as the man in discussion walked in.

"Hi," Joey recovered first, spinning around to face him, "What're you doing here?"

"Thought I'd check on you guys," Ross smiled, "And check that Chandler was still alive."

Chandler threw him a mock glare, "funny," he grouched.

"Seriously, I'm glad you're ok man," Ross nodded, "I haven't seen you drink like that for a long time."

"Well, I'm being punished for it today," Chandler promised.

"Yeah, you don't look so great," Ross observed, making Chandler feel no better.

Wanting to avoid any further dangerous conversations Chandler wiped a hand over his face and yawned, "I'm gonna go lie down."

"Ok," Ross shrugged easily, "I was gonna see Mon any way."

"Be careful," Joey warned, "they are modeling lingerie over there."

Ross pulled a face, shuddering, "gross!"

"Let me go first," Joey offered, jumping up and patting Ross' arm, "I'll check the coast is clear for ya."

Chandler watched as Joey marched out followed by a protesting Ross. With a shake of his head, he entered his bedroom and collapsed back onto his bed. Thoughts of Monica swam around in his mind. He closed his eyes, trying to fight them but they only became more vivid. What the hell was he going to do? How was he going to get through this?


	6. Chapter 6

A/N -sorry for the slight delay with this chapter. Thanks again for all the reviews, much appreciated.

* * *

Joey and Ross entered apartment 20, looking at the girls who'd started making frozen margaritas, "Hey hey!" Joey exclaimed. He looked at the three of them, fully-clothed, the smile fading from his face, "where is the lingerie? Chandler said there was lingerie!"

They laughed, "Joey I just tried one on," Monica told him, "it wasn't a modelling session."

"Well try it on again! I wanna see!"

"I don't," Ross cut in.

"You stay out of this," Joey told him, turning to the paleontologist.

Monica laughed, "The next guy to see me in the after the wedding clothes will be the guy that I will be in the most beautiful hotel suite in the world with after the wedding."

Joey ran one of his hands through his hair, "fine. I understand that you want to save it for your husband, whatever. But Rachel and Phoebe you two aren't getting married!" he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Now that's an idea I could get next to," Ross said, walking over to where Monica was filling the blender with tequila.

"Not happening," Rachel said firmly.

Phoebe winked at Joey, "maybe later."

Ross pointed to the blender in awe, "you didn't get enough liquor last night?"

Monica smiled up at her big brother, "no, not really. I'm sure we didn't drink as much as you guys. Pete is still really hungover...despite what he promised, so I told him to stay home and try and get over it. We're gonna enjoy a girls night in before I have to move out."

Ross chuckled, "wow, I can't believe you guys can stand to be apart this close to the wedding. And you can't see each other tomorrow after the rehearsal so that's really two days in a row. It was like I had to be around Carol. Two days would have killed me."

Monica stopped adding margarita mix to the blender to look at him. She thought about his words for a moment. It didn't bother her at all that she wouldn't see Pete tonight, was that weird? She cleared her throat, "well maybe Pete and I are just more secure with our relationship than you and Carol were."

"We were together a lot longer than you and Pete," Ross shook his head, "and, no, yeah our marriage ended badly, but I was crazy about her back then." He shrugged a shoulder, "but every relationship is different I guess."

He left his sister's side, sitting down at the round table with Rachel and Phoebe. Monica stared at the wall behind the blender a slight frown marring her features. What did he mean by that?

"I don't hear the blender Miss soon-to-be Mrs. Becker," Rachel said, holding out her hand, expecting a margarita to be placed in it.

Mrs Becker. She still wasn't sure about taking his name…Monica Becker?

"Will you still feed me and Chandler?" Joey asked out of the blue, as he opened the fridge in hunt of some food.

"No," she frowned, "not unless you're going to come over to Pete's every morning. And if you do, you won't be able to wear just your t-shirt and boxers...his neighbors are a little higher class."

"Oh, can't you use some of Pete's money to keep this fridge well stocked? You don't want us to starve," Joey whined as he closed the fridge door.

"You won't starve," she tried to joke but there was an odd feeling of unease rising in her stomach as she thought of life after the wedding. When it all settled down she wouldn't live here. Wouldn't be involved in their daily lives. Wouldn't get the random morning, afternoon, evening and nighttime visits from the gang. It felt a little weird...but it was silly; it would be fine, of course it would. "I'll leave you with some cooking instructions."

"Yeah right," Joey scoffed, "Rachel burns everything, Chandler can only cook pancakes and I grew up with 7 women...we don't cook."

"Then I'll leave you with takeout menus."

He rolled his eyes, "funny….fine, so if there's not going to be any lingerie being tried on, and there's no decent food..."

"Yeah there's really no point," Phoebe laughed, finishing the thought for Joey. Food and women; his two greatest pleasures.

"Well have fun," Ross waved, "we'll go see if Chandler's still alive."

"Make sure he's alright?" Monica called after them. "He seemed really...off earlier."

Joey winced knowing exactly what the problem was but merely nodded. He threw a quick look at Phoebe, remembering Chandler's earlier words but there was nothing on her face to indicate she also knew the reason behind Chandler's earlier 'offness'.

The boys left and Monica stared at the closed door for a moment, "do you think I should go check on him?" she asked, "he hasn't really been himself lately and earlier-"

"Monica," Phoebe interrupted, "he was hungover and you were standing practically naked in front of him -he's a man. Of course he was acting strange."

"I know but maybe-"

"Mon," Rachel cut in, taking the lead from Phoebe, "we haven't got much opportunities for girl nights left so forget about it, ok? Chandler will still be there in the morning. He'll probably be less hungover and you can talk to him then. Just enjoy tonight!"

Reluctantly Monica nodded, "ok," she sighed, trying to forget Chandler for a while, "who wants some margaritas?"

* * *

"So what do you think it's going to be like, waking up on Sunday morning as Mrs. Pete Becker?" Rachel asked a while later. "Are you scared? I was terrified when it was me and Barry."

Mrs Pete Becker. Mrs Monica Becker. Monica Geller.

Monica shook off the weird feeling and forced a chuckle, "I don't know," she admitted quietly, "I haven't really had time to think about it much. With all the planning and my phone constantly ringing with questions from the wedding planner, it's been crazy these last couple of months. I've thought more about the actual day than the afterwards...is that strange?"

"Noooo," Rachel frowned, "I don't think so. As long as you've thought a bit about it and you're looking forward to the happily ever after. Looking forward to your life with Pete."

Monica swallowed, glancing down and playing with her engagement ring. She was looking forward to being with Pete, wasn't she? After being a bride? Pete was a great guy, he was nice and made her feel loved.

"I'm not saying I never want to get married," Phoebe disturbed her musings, "because I'm sure one day I will, but it's kinda hard to imagine isn't it? Spending the rest of your life with one person? He'll be the only guy you ever kiss again or have sex with. You'll see him every morning when you wake up, he's there when you go to bed. I don't think I've ever had that. I've had guys I liked and even a couple that I've been in love with, but to actually want to spend the rest of my life with them? Forever? No, I haven't found that."

Monica frowned, letting Phoebe's words sink in. Forever was suddenly sounding a little more scary than it had before. The idea of marriage and security was always something she'd wanted and craved. Now it was almost here; coming up fast. Now it was suddenly a very real reality and no longer just the hypothetical dream she'd had from the age of five...now it seemed a little daunting.

Suddenly she could understand Chandler's fear of commitment. She'd always thought he was just being ridiculous and crazy but now it clicked and she just got it. Forever was a very long time. A big thing to get wrong.

"That's how I knew I couldn't be with Barry," Rachel added her two cents worth. "I liked him but not enough to be with him forever."

There was that word again. Forever.

She shook her head, trying to ignore her doubts. It was just cold feet - everyone got them before getting married. Pete was a good, honest, decent guy. He wanted to look after her and be with her. That's what made a good husband though. Right?

"What made you realize Pete was 'the one'?" Phoebe asked her.

"He's a good guy, looks after me, treats me like a princess," she shrugged a little.

"It sounds like you're describing Chandler, not your soon to be husband," Rachel scoffed, "come on we want real reasons. Like he gives you goosebumps from just a look, or you smile stupidly just thinking about him."

"And," Phoebe continued dreamily, "you think about him all day and you can't even wait for your shift to finish before you have to phone to tell him you love him."

"And your heart is just so happy you think it will explode with joy," Rachel continued, "and he's that perfect mix of best friend with benefits."

"You guys watch too many movies," Monica shook her head as she took another mouthful of her cocktail. "Real life isn't like that. I love Pete and we're getting married."

"No goosebumps or butterflies?" Rachel frowned.

"Doesn't happen all the time in the real world," Monica informed them, "and no my pupils won't turn into little cartoon hearts when I see him next either."

The girls looked at each other.

"Mon," Rachel said carefully, "it should be like that. You've been together for like a year. You should still be in the 'honeymoon' stage...especially if you're getting married."

"Look, our relationship is fine," Monica said a little more defensively than she wanted.

"Fine?" Rachel raised an eyebrow unimpressed, not listening to the warning in Monica's tone.

"Yes fine, great, fabulous; whatever adjectives you wanna use."

It fell silent for a moment, an uncomfortable tension in the air that hadn't been there a moment ago.

"So," Phoebe ventured, trying to steer the conversation onto happier ground, "it's still hard to believe it's only two days away. You'll be walking down the aisle in two days in that beautiful dress! You'll be a wife." She hoped wedding talk might cheer up her friend and get rid of the unwanted atmosphere.

Monica nodded back absently, "yeah, it's kind of surreal." She still sounded a little thoughtful.

"Then you'll be having a kid and then another kid," Rachel added quickly, also wanting to help lift her mood, "and you're going to be living in this big beautiful house, never having to work again in your life."

Monica turned her head, confused by Rachel's statement, "what? I want to work."

Her friend's mouth hung open, "really?"

"Yes," Monica said, "I'm not going to sit at home all day."

"Well you'll have the children to take care of."

Monica took a long swig of her drink, "well Pete and I decided to wait about five years before we try for a baby, so we'll have that argument when the time comes." It was one of the few topics they had talked about regarding life after the wedding.

Phoebe turned her head, confused, "five years? That's crazy. You've wanted a baby for like ever. You broke up with Richard because he didn't want a baby. Now that you have a chance to have one you're going to wait for five years? Why?"

"It's what we agreed on," the bride to be shrugged a shoulder, slightly defensive, "it's not set in stone or anything but if I've been waiting this long for a baby what's another five years? At least I've found someone to have one with." Monica stood from her seat, grabbing her glass, "anybody need a refill?" she was a little fed up with these questions.

The other two women held their empty glasses up for Monica to take with her to the kitchen. When she was out of earshot, Phoebe leaned closer to Rachel, "why do I get the feeling this five year plan isn't really Monica's idea?"

Rachel nodded, "maybe. She has wanted to have a baby since forever."

"Yeah! And five years is a crazy long time! Do you think she's thought enough about actually being married?"

"I'm not sure," Rachel murmured a little concerned. It hadn't occurred to her to actually talk to Monica about this. She'd assumed Monica would have considered it all as part of the proposal. "She hasn't really spoken about after the wedding...just the wedding details. Should we talk to her?"

"Maybe not now," Phoebe pulled a face. "Maybe wait until she's drunker or a little less defensive otherwise we'll put her into stubborn mode."

"True," Rachel smiled slightly, knowing only too well how stubborn these Gellers could get. "Fine, we'll play it by ear but we need to talk to her soon. The wedding is 2 days away!"

Monica returned to the living room, handing the other girls their drinks. Sitting in the corner of the couch, she pulled her knees up to her chest.

Phoebe bit her lip, still perplexed by what Monica said not five minutes ago. She knew Monica didn't want that. Baby talk was different to marriage talk...right?

"So, tell me again about the baby delay?" Phoebe asked carefully, ignoring the look Rachel threw her.

Monica rolled her eyes, "because he's at the peak of his career, ya know? If we had a baby straight away it could risk his business. Besides, it gives me a chance to work at my own career."

"Monica," Rachel protested, "you're head chef at a brand-new restaurant that your fiance bought you. Your boss is gonna be your husband...you don't have to work on that."

"I got that job because I'm a good chef," Monica argued, hating anyone ever implying otherwise. She'd worked damn hard at her career. Paid her dues at that horrible diner with those fake boobs. She deserved her position and not because of any positions she did in the bedroom.

"I know you did," Rachel soothed, instantly regretting her choice of words, hitting a nerve.

"She means you'll have job security," Phoebe tried, "and if your career means that much to you, can't you just get a nanny?"

Monica shrugged and Phoebe realized that she'd been right earlier; it was best to drop it until Monica was a little more relaxed. This party needed cheering up again, and fast, "how about a stripper?" she suggested out of the blue, "I'm sure I can find one in the yellow pages!"

Monica finally chuckled, "no thanks."

"Oooh how about twister?" Phoebe suggested as the other two groaned.

As Monica excused herself to use the bathroom Rachel looked over at Phoebe, "so…"

"So….we drop it for now," Phoebe agreed. "Let's get her drunk and happy and go from there."

"Sounds like a plan," Rachel grinned. "Get me another glass!"

* * *

A little while passed and the plan seemed to be working. Monica was definitely calmer and relaxed... and coincedently the margarita pitcher was empty again. Monica began making their fifth pitcher, the two other girls happy tipsy in the living room. The mood had been well and truly lifted. She began pouring the tequila into the blender, a little more than necessary of the alcohol on top of the ice, "whoops!"

Rachel stood and walked over to her friend in the kitchen, still laughing about something that was said at least ten minutes earlier, "Mon, what are you doing? That's too much liquor!" They wanted her a little drunk not passed out.

Monica lazily waved a hand at her, "we probably won't be able to tell a difference!"

Across the hall, Chandler sat up in his bed, rubbing his face with both hands. The room spun for a second, and he shut his eyes again. He opened them, hoping this time the room would stay still. It did, so he scooted to the edge of the bed and stood from it. Karma was being a true pain in the butt, as he still had a headache. He walked out of his room and headed to the bathroom.

The door was closed, so he lifted his fist and knocked on the door, "oh, you're up!" Joey said through the door.

Chandler rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, "yeah."

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm not having this conversation through the door. Hurry up."

"Oh, dude," came the muffled reply, "it's going to be a little while. I had those falafel's on 3rd."

Chandler's face twisted with disgust, "that's sick, man. I'll use the girls'."

He tried to shake the picture of what Joey just told him out of his head as he crossed the hall, opening the door to find the three of them throwing fits at something that must have been really funny. He took in the cocktail glasses, abandoned twister game and the overworked blender; he simply raised an eyebrow. "Girls' night in?" he guessed.

Monica heard the door close and stopped laughing long enough to stand and make her way over to him. She stumbled when she got close enough to him that he had to catch her.

"Whoa, you okay?" he asked.

She also found that incredibly funny, "yeah, I'm gonna be a bride!"

He rolled his eyes, feeling his stomach knot up again at the mention of the ceremony coming up. He pulled up on her, trying to help her stand up straight on her feet again, "I know that, but are you okay now?"

Monica laughed again, "Yes! Phoebe was telling us this joke," Monica stopped her sentence to laugh hysterically again, "and it is so funny, you gotta hear it!" She pulled on his arm, wanting him to follow her into the living room, "Phoebe, tell ChanChan that joke!"

He raised his eyes at the sudden nickname. "I really just came over to…"

"Oh, come on Chandler, pleeeeeeease?" Monica said to him, "You'll really love it!" She threw her arms around him, pressing her head against his chest.

Chandler looked down at the top of her head. How could he possibly resist this woman? Who cared if his bladder was about to burst? There was no way he wouldn't give her anything she asked for, "okay, sure."

Phoebe sat up on the couch, looking critically at Chandler for a moment before taking another sip of her margarita, "okay, here goes, here goes. What do you call a lost wolf?"

He lifted an eyebrow, all hopes lost that this joke would actually be funny at all, "I don't know, what?" He looked down at Monica's hands, who still held onto his t-shirt. It felt amazing and it took a lot of effort to ignore the effect of her being so close and pay attention to Phoebe.

"A where wolf!" Rachel said loudly, and the three of them went into a laughing fit again. Monica almost knocked Chandler over, gripping his t-shirt as she laughed into his chest.

He lifted her up again, "oh yeah. That one will be going into the guinness world record book, for sure." He shook his head in disbelief as they continued to laugh, "wow, okay. Monica, honey, why don't you have a seat here." He already missed her touching him, but if he didn't get to the bathroom soon there was going to be a problem. " You three should probably slow down on the drinking. Take it from me, you won't appreciate it tomorrow."

"Chandler!" Monica called him right before he got to the bathroom door.

"Yes?" He asked, turning to face her.

"Where are you going? We need you here!" She whined.

"I'm going to the little boy's room," Chandler pointed with his thumb, "what do you need me for, can it wait?"

Monica groaned like it was obvious, "to tell us which lingerie to wear!"

He rolled his eyes again as he walked into the restroom, her laughter showing she was teasing him. He'd spent hours trying to scrub those images from his mind. But he couldn't. He feared they'd be with him taunting him forever.

After finishing, he walked back out to find the three of them in a huddle, whispering something to each other and letting out soft giggles.

Chandler chuckled loud enough so they could hear him, "so, I'm gonna go," he said.

"Wait!" Monica said quickly. "You'll like this one too!" she was laughing so hard again and Chandler couldn't help but smile sadly at her. She was even more beautiful and radiant when she laughed.

"Shoot," he finally shrugged when Monica's laughing fit came to an end. She was bright red, tears rolling down her cheeks as she tried to compose herself.

He wished it was him making her this happy and not the alcohol. He wished for the hundredth time since she'd showed him her engagement ring, that he was in Pete's shoes. Not the money or fame, no he wasn't interested in that, just the woman. How did Pete manage to steal her heart? How had he let him? Why hadn't he realized earlier how completely and utterly in love with the woman he was before it was too late?

And it was too late.

He sighed at his melancholy thoughts and tried to focus his attention back onto the woman of his dreams, who was trying not to laugh again. He should be happy that she was happy. And she obviously was.

Chandler could feel Phoebe's eyes on him, studying him again. Had she somehow picked up on his negative thoughts? God, he hoped not. He couldn't deal with Phoebe and Joey. Really couldn't.

"So," he said quickly, ensuring he didn't make eye contact with the Phoebe, "are you gonna tell me this joke or am I supposed to read your mind?"

That unfortunately caused another fit of giggles as Monica started picturing Psychic Chandler reading their fortunes. Oy.

"Ok, I'm gonna go," he sighed, Phoebe was still watching him and it would be safer to get away from her and from a cute drunk Monica.

"No no no," Monica was on her feet, barely, her wobbling legs managing to carry her to the door. "You will think this one is amazing because you like funny. You're funny Chandler."

"Of course I am," he said dryly as she poked him in the chest, a little harder than she'd probably intended. "And ow!"

He wished she saw him as more than the funny one of the group, but he couldn't dwell on that right now. She was standing so close to him again and Phoebe's eyes were taking in every interaction with interest. Damn.

"Sorry." She looked anything but, her gorgeous blue eyes sparkling mischievously. He simply nodded, wanting to get out of there. "Ok...a snail on a boat is called a...snailor!"

Chandler frowned in disbelief; that was what she was laughing about? That? It was worse than the first one.

"Riiight," he said gently, "ok, that's seriously enough margaritas, for you. Stop with the alcohol and start with the water. You'll be grateful in the morning; trust me."

"I trust you," she smiled and Chandler sighed. How easy it would be to break that trust and just lean in those couple of inches and kiss her soundly.

"Uh," he coughed, clearing his head of the traitorous thoughts, "that's good to know," he swallowed again, taking one last look at her lips before looking over to Phoebe. Yep, she was still watching them. "Right, I guess I'll be leaving,"

With that he stepped away from her, ensuring she was balanced before bidding them all a goodnight and beating a hasty retreat. As he closed the door he leant against it closing his eyes as he waited for the sense of longing to ease slightly.

Feeling the handle turn he managed to get upright and support himself before the door disappeared. He turned, frowning as Monica appeared, pulling the door closed behind her.

"Hey?" he frowned, "whatcha doing out here?"

"I came to see you," she laughed, her hands resting on both of his arms but he suspected that was more for the benefit of her balance than for him.

"You just saw me," he offered her a soft smile. "That was me, in there."

"I know that," she scoffed, "I'm not that drunk!"

He decided it would be wise not to comment.

"So, what did you want to see me about?" he finally asked, loving that she was this close to him, touching him, her gorgeous slightly unfocused eyes staring up at him...and as they were alone he could allow himself to enjoy it, to savor it, drink her in.

"I wanted to check and make sure you were ok," she said, her hands squeezing his arms slightly.

"You can barely stand and you're asking if I'm alright?" he cocked an eyebrow amused. God he loved her.

"You've been sad lately," she murmured so sincerely that he had to swallow, hard.

"I'm fine," he lied badly, hoping she was too drunk to notice. "There's nothing to worry about."

"I worry about you," she confessed.

"Didn't we already have this conversation earlier?" he kept his tone light. "When ironically I was too hungover and now you're too drunk," he smiled to show he was teasing. His own hands came up to her arms, rubbing slightly. "Mon, don't worry about me, ok? You've got enough to worry about with the wedding. Enjoy tonight's silliness, it's probably the only break you're gonna get over the next few days."

"You sure?" she asked and he nodded, pulling her into a hug.

"I'm sure," he whispered into her hair, closing his eyes as he inhaled her familiar shampoo. He rested his cheek against the top of her head, letting the soft strands tickle his face. "I'm gonna be just fine. Stop worrying yourself and go do whatever it is a bride does just before her wedding. You should be all happy and excited and preparing yourself to be the most spectacular bride ever." His voice cracked slightly.

"Thanks Chandler," she hugged him tighter for a moment before shifting away, loosening their embrace so she could look up at him. "You're the best, you know that right?"

"Nah," he grinned, "that honor goes to you." She was so close to him, still in his embrace. He stared at her lips again wondering how she would react if he just went for it and kissed her. No, he chastened himself, he couldn't take advantage of her like that, wouldn't. He was her best friend and he couldn't jeopardise that. Instead he leant forward slightly, pressing his lips to her forehead, letting them linger there for a little longer than necessary. "Enjoy the rest of your night, Mon"

"Night Chandler."

With that he watched her nod and wobble her way back into her apartment. He waited until the door had closed before letting out a heavy sigh and scrubbing a hand over his face.

Just hugging her was becoming more and more like torture. Every little touch added to his desire and longing. Part of him wanted to savor and memorize every little detail of what it felt like to hold her closely in his arms, but another part of him knew he was playing with fire. Besides, once she was married, it would be Pete's arms she sought refuge in.

Pete.

Damn it, he hated this. All of this. With a frustrated growl he retreated back into his apartment, ready to shut himself away from the world.

* * *

A/N - please let us know your thoughts...


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey," Monica greeted the next morning, surprised to see her two girl friends already up and around the kitchen table. She was rarely ever the last one up.

"Hi," Rachel greeted in a slightly uneasy tone.

Monica frowned as she continued to the fridge to grab out a carton of orange juice, "anyone want breakfast?" she couldn't decide if her own stomach could handle much just yet.

"No," Phoebe said quickly, "actually, we wanted to talk to you," Phoebe's tone was the same as Rachel's had been, "come sit with us."

She watched the looks passing between her best friends, suddenly very cautious about what was about to take place.

"O-k," she said slowly as she took a seat in the middle of them, "What is it?"

More looks passed between them, neither willing to start.

"What's going on?" she asked, a little annoyed as well as apprehensive, "tell me...guys?"

"Well," Rachel cleared her throat a little, clearly very uncomfortable, "we just wanted to make sure that...well that you are certain…"

"Rachel," she grated out pissed, wishing her roommate would just spit out whatever it was. She was a little hungover and getting cranky.

"Are you sure you wanna marry Pete?" Phoebe finished for her friend.

Silence.

"What?" Monica asked, unable to hide her shocked expression. "Of course I do! Where's this coming from?"

The other two looked at each other and swallowed. There was no going back.

"We're just a little worried about you," Rachel said softly, reaching out to take her hand. "I know you're really excited about the wedding, but are you excited about being married?"

"Yes," she said instantly.

"It's just you don't seem all that happy about being Mrs Becker," Rachel continued.

Monica pushed down that weird feeling again, "I love him."

"Do you love him enough to grow old with him?" Phoebe asked gently. "Do you love him enough to wake up next to him every morning? Seeing him every night?" She put her hand on Monica's arm, "do this with me." Monica's eyes met hers, "close your eyes," she did, "so you're in your gigantic mansion and you're standing in your living room and looking at the family portrait over the mantle, and there's you and your beautiful kids, do you see Pete with you?"

"Yes!" she protested, opening her eyes, not liking this conversation at all. "He's such a nice guy, he treats me so well, what more could I ask for?"

"When the wedding is over and you're living in that mansion watching the maid do the cleaning wrong and you're waiting for those 5 years to pass. Will you be happy? Pleased you married him?"

"Yes!" she tried to keep the doubt from entering her voice. "Of course I will."

"Mon," Rachel tried a different tactic. "I know what you're going through, ok? When I was engaged to Barry, thinking of the wedding was exciting and knowing I'd be looked after. Barry was a nice guy like Pete-"

"He was cheating on you with Mindy!"

"My point," she grated out, "is despite having everything I'd always wanted, I realized it didn't feel right. I thought I loved him, loved the future but I didn't really love him. Not enough. I didn't experience true love until I dated your stupid brother. Can you say that you truly love him? That you feel this is the right thing to do? Because it's not too late. Believe me, leaving Barry was one of the hardest thing I had to do, but it was the best decision of my life."

Monica sighed, "I don't understand this, really, I don't. Are you trying to get me to leave Pete? I love him."

Rachel shook her head quickly, "I'm not trying to get you to do anything," she told her, "I'm trying to make sure that you're sure about Pete. I thought I was sure about Barry."

"Pete's not Barry," Monica said quietly, "and I'm not you. I'm not going to ditch him at the altar and climb out of the bathroom window."

"I know," Rachel tried to keep calm. "I just trying to help you so you can realize it sooner and not have to go through what I did."

"I appreciate that," Monica said, "but it's not necessary. I'm gonna marry Pete."

"So you aren't settling because you're just ready to get married, right?" Phoebe asked, "you shouldn't rush these things. You're still young and can find somebody that you're truly happy with."

"No, I'm not settling at all!" Monica frowned, "of course I'm not. He's a good guy, and I am happy with him."

"If you're happy and 100% positive this is the right thing for you, then we'll support you the whole way," Rachel promised, "But if over the next couple of days, at any point, you start to change your mind, then know we're here for you too, ok?"

"Ok," Monica nodded, "thanks." Their conversation unnerved her a little. Sure, she'd said a few drunken things last night but did they really think she didn't love him? That she shouldn't marry him? The thought was crazy. Wasn't it? "I'm gonna grab a shower then see if my stomach is up for breakfast," she announced, wanting nothing more than to get away from this conversation.

"Ok," the other two nodded, "but please think about it, ok? Cancelling a wedding is a lot less painful than divorce."

That hit her. Hard. Divorce? She hated the idea. No, she wanted to be a bride, then a wife and be in a happy marriage. Like her parents. She didn't want a failed marriage and then a messy divorce.

She silently made her way into the bathroom and stood under the warm shower spray. This time next week she would be married and on honeymoon. Then she'd move into his house and she'd use his two person power shower. She wouldn't live here anymore.

A sad feeling spread through her at the thought of moving out but she was moving in with a man. Becoming a grown up...shouldn't that excite her? It's what she'd always wanted. Sure she was going to be sad leaving here, anyone would be. It had been her home for so long and she had so many great memories, but it's not like she wouldn't be here again. Rachel was gonna stay and there was talk of Phoebe maybe moving back in. She'd still be round. Maybe not all the time, as Pete's place was a little further away, but she'd still make time for them.

The thought of not seeing her friends daily didn't settle well in her gut. The thought of not having Chandler and Joey across the hall, casually strolling in to steal her food or complain about their day. Not falling asleep on the couch with Chandler after a terrible chick flick or telling him off about deliberately spilling popcorn.

No, her life was going to be different after the wedding, but that was ok. Right? People changed, lives changed. It was inevitable. She couldn't expect her current perfect situation to not change, that would be naive. Someone had to break away from the tight-pack so why not her?

Her tummy rebelled and she tried to pass it off on her hangover finally kicking in. She didn't want to acknowledge any other reason for it.

* * *

"Hi," Rachel greeted as she walked into the boys' apartment finding Joey sniggereing to himself, "what's so funny?"

"Oh, I'm just remembering this joke Chandler told me last night," he chuckled, "where wolf!"

Rachel shook her head, "right."

"Did you have a good 'girly' night?" he asked. "I didn't miss out on any lingerie modelling right?"

"Nooo," Rachel said slowly, "it wasn't really modelling...just us pillow fighting in our underwear."

The look on Joey's face made her pull a disgusted face of her own and hit him around the head with the paper.

"Ow!" he complained. "What the hell was that for? I was in the middle of a really good image…"

"I don't want to hear about it," Rachel insisted, placing the paper back onto the countertop, "I was joking about the pillow fighting and the underwear. It didn't happen."

"It did in my head," he grinned, ducking as she picked up the paper again. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding," he wasn't, "so what did you get up to? Besides the hilarious jokes and cocktail drinking?"

"Well," Rachel paused, debating whether to tell him.

"What?"

"I shouldn't really say," Rachel winced.

"Hey, tell me," Joey protested, not wanting to miss any hot details.

"Well...ok, but you can't tell anyone! Monica would never forgive me."

"Oh," he pulled a slight face, realizing this was unlikely to be some hot story. He didn't really like secrets and he had enough on his plate with Chandler's most recent confession.

"Well me and Phoebe, we think Monica's having doubts."

"Doubts?" He asked confused. "About what?"

"About marrying Pete!" Rachel said exasperated as Joey's eyes widened, "What else this close to the wedding?"

"Monica's got doubts?" he asked, his mind thinking immediately about Chandler. How broken he was about this whole wedding; Joey felt some hope rise in him. If she didn't marry Pete, at least that gave Chandler time to talk to her. Gave him at least a chance to see if anything could work between them.

"She won't admit it," Rachel sighed causing Joey's hope to turn to unease. He couldn't tell Chandler based on Rachel's gossip; she was known to exaggerate. It had to be fact. "You know how stubborn she is. And it's not easy to cancel a wedding so close to the big day, trust me, I know."

"But she can't marry him if she isn't sure!" He protested passionately, hating the idea of both Monica and Chandler being miserable. "You need to do something!"

"Joey," she frowned at his overreaction. "Relax, we're working on it, ok? We can't force her not to marry him; it has to come from her. We're just trying to help her realize it."

"Well, try harder!" he protested causing her to frown again.

"Why do you care so much?"

"I just...I just don't want to see anyone hurt," he said honestly, Rachel still didn't seem convinced but let it go.

"Fine, well, I'll let you know if anything happens. If not I'll see you at 6 for the rehearsal dinner right? And remember not a word to anyone."

Joey nodded, still frowning as she left. Part of him was desperate to tell Chandler but it wouldn't be fair to him to give what could be false hope. What if he went for it based on what Joey told him and it wasn't right? What if he put all his feelings on the line only to have Monica turn him down and marry Pete. Would their friendship survive that? Joey couldn't be responsible for destroying Chandler and Monica's friendship. He couldn't imagine how devastated Chandler would be...he was hardly managing now.

No, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't say anything to Chandler just yet.

* * *

"Ok," Monica sighed into the phone, "No I understand, Pete, it's ok."

Phoebe sat quietly with her magazine, pretending not to be listening.

"Yeah, it's fine," she said, "I know that it's important and you're already taking time off for the wedding and honeymoon."

Phoebe exchanged a glance with Rachel who sat on the other end of the couch also pretending not to listen.

"Ok, yeah, love you too," she clicked off the phone and stared at it for a while.

"Every ok?" Rachel asked her, breaking her from her thoughts.

"Oh, yeah, it was just Pete."

"And…" Phoebe prompted, "what did he say?"

"Oh, he's just closing off an important business deal so I won't get to see him this afternoon."

"Oh," Rachel ventured, studying her roommate, trying to figure her out. "And?"

"And we were meant to spend some time together before the rehearsal dinner...which he might be late for."

"And?" Phoebe prompted. "He's a busy man, he's had to cancel lots of dates in the past."

"I know," Monica said quietly, biting a thumb nail.

"Mon?" Rachel asked.

Monica let out a heavy sigh before joining them on the large couch, "I was kinda thinking about what you guys were saying earlier,"she admitted to her hands. "And I thought if we spent some time together before the wedding it would reassure me. Remind me why I'm marrying him, but now he's cancelled…"

"So are you saying you're not sure?" Rachel asked carefully.

"I don't know!" she sighed, "I thought I was, really was, but now I don't know. I mean doesn't everyone get cold feet before their wedding?"

"Yes," Rachel said slowly "but there's cold feet and that serious feeling. They're different."

Monica nodded.

"Look," Phoebe suggested, "Pete didn't know how important this was to you. Why don't you go over to his and try and talk to him in between his meetings? Even 10 minutes might help you decide."

"Yeah," she sighed heavily; this was meant to be the happiest time in her life...what was going on? "Maybe I will."

She stood from the couch and grabbed her handbag and jacket.

"Are you going to be alright?" Rachel asked concerned. "Do you want us to come with you?"

"No," Monica said, "I'll be fine. Thanks."

She left, closing the door behind her but she didn't start her journey down the hall. Instead she stared at the green door opposite her. Maybe she should be talking with Pete but first she wanted someone else's opinion.

Chandler was her best friend. He knew her better than the others. Sometimes he even seemed to know her better than herself. He'd know what she should do.

Decision made, she pushed open the door without knocking, frowning when she saw only Joey there.

"Hey," he greeted, muting the tv and spinning the chair around to face her.

"Hi," she said and Joey could detect instantly that something was bothering her. Had Rachel been right? "Is Chandler here?"

"No," Joey told her carefully, still studying her, "he went into work."

"Oh," she said somewhat surprised, "but I thought he had the week off?"

He did, but he'd been going insane trapped in the apartment and had announced to Joey that he was gonna lock himself away in his office and try to distract himself with numerous files.

"They, uh, had to call him in," he lied. "Some emergency...with the WEENUS."

"Oh," she sighed, finding it ironic that both men that she wanted to, no _needed_ to talk to were busy with work. "Nevermind then," she said sadly.

"Monica!" Joey stopped her, "You can talk to me if you want to? I've got like seven sisters."

She offered him a small smile of thanks, "that's ok."

Joey watched her turn towards the door, desperate for her to talk to him. If he knew something for sure then he could tell Chandler.

"Is it about the wedding?" He braved, wincing as she glared at him.

"Who have you been talking to?"

"No one," he said quickly, putting his hands up in defense. "I just noticed you seemed a little down for someone getting married tomorrow. Everything ok?"

"Yes," she lied, not wanting everyone talking about this. What if she went through with the wedding and then Pete heard? No, it wasn't worth the risk. Besides, she _was_ going to go through with this wedding. "Everything's fine. If you see Chandler can you let him know I'm looking for him?"

"Sure," Joey sighed grimacing, "but I'm not sure how early he's gonna be back before the dinner."

"Oh," disappointed flooded through her. "Ok."

With that she left leaving a frustrated Joey. They were running out of time. It still wasn't enough to go on. He needed to be sure, he couldn't mess with his best friend's heart like that.

* * *

Chandler frowned at the paperwork in front of him as the numbers started to blur. He didn't want to be here. It wasn't helping take his mind off things. In fact it was worse because not being there meant he was imagining everything instead. Imagining her and Pete spending the afternoon together all smiley and cuddly as they joked about tomorrow.

He shuddered.

Groaning, he leaned back in his chair and let his head hit the back of it. He needed something to get out of this funk he was in. Something to stop his overactive imagination.

Alcohol didn't work, not being around her didn't work, nothing worked. He didn't want to go to this stupid rehearsal thing tonight. He'd have to sit there and listen to everybody around him talk about Monica and Pete again. He'd have to practice watching them get married and not to mention he'd have to endure that gut wrenching feeling twice in two days. No, he didn't need to sit through this nightmare twice.

Damn it, he hoped this would be the worst he could feel but he sincerely doubted it. He put his head down on the desk, unable to get the torturous thoughts out of his mind.

He stayed that way until somebody that had walked into his office called his name, "Hey man, I didn't know you were coming in today."

Chandler shook his head, "I wasn't. And I'm not being very productive anyway, so it's like I'm not here."

Nick stuck his hands in his pockets, his eyebrows furrowed together with concern, "You alright?"

He sighed, shaking his head again, "No, not really."

"Yeah, you don't look so good," the blonde haired man replied, "do you need to talk about anything?"

Chandler shook his head, "no thanks, I'll be fine," came Chandler's standard reply.

Nick took his hands out of his pockets, turning to leave his office, "alright, I'll let you get back to it then."

"You do that," he muttered as the door closed. Work people. As if they could help. As if anyone could help while he slowly lost his mind.

With a sigh he threw his head back in frustration and squeezed his eyes shut. Images of Monica flooding his head and he groaned trying to pull himself together. Just for one more day. If he could survive until this time tomorrow, then she'd be a married women. She'd be Mrs Becker, and as painful as that was, Chandler was praying it was the closure his heart needed.

Just one more day.

He pulled open his desk drawer and eyed the emergency cigarettes he kept there. He'd been able to resist until now but it was tempting. He stared at the box, it's shiny wrapper glinting in the bright office lights...just like Monica's ring did.

Chandler slammed the drawer shut and stared at it a moment longer, his jaw tensed as he tried to muster up all the willpower he had. If he used cigarettes as a crutch now he knew he wouldn't be able to quit again any time soon. The rehearsal dinner, the wedding morning, afternoon ceremony and evening reception; the honeymoon, Monica moving out….the future. It was all so freaking bleak; he'd stand no chance at quitting, so better not to start.

He glanced at his watch. He still had a few hours to kill but there was no point spending it here. It wasn't helping and the cigarettes being so close was a disaster waiting to happen. He needed air. Freedom. Anything.

Locking away the files that he had barely touched, he grabbed his coat and made a quick getaway.

* * *

"You're cutting it close," Ross commented as Chandler entered his apartment, "Monica's gonna have your head if you aren't ready in like," he glanced at his watch, "8 minutes."

"I'll be ready," he grouched, not pausing as he walked into his bedroom and started undressing.

"I'll meet you there," Ross shouted as he left the boys apartment to risk the hive of activity at the girls' place.

Chandler threw on the suit jacket, shoving his tie into his pocket, he could put it on in the cab. He fastened his belt and stuffed his feet into the overly shiny shoes. Leaving the laces undone, he rushed into the bathroom. Running a comb through his hair and wincing at his face in the mirror.

The last few months, weeks, days had been hard and were really starting to take their toll. As the wedding drew closer he wasn't sleeping too well, he was taunted by twisted dreams. Sometimes they were nightmares, and other times the dreams were sweeter than the bitter reality he woke up to.

He looked...haggard, worn down...defeated. His dull eyes looked back at him, less blue and less alive than he thought they had been before he fell in love with the woman he couldn't have.

With heavy sigh he left the bathroom to find Joey propped up against the kitchen counter. He was all dressed up but with a worried frown on his face which he guessed was because of him, "you ok, man?"

"Just peachy," he groused, bending to tie his laces. "I'm about to sit through a rehearsal dinner for a wedding that is killing me, so yeah, I'm fine, perfect."

"Chandler," Joey tried but his roommate shook his head.

"I appreciate it, Joe, I do, but nothing you can say right now is going to help make me feel any better, so don't bother, ok? I just need to get through this damn dinner."

With that he went to push past him but Joey reached out and grabbed his arm.

"You sure there isn't anything I can do?" he asked meeting his troubled eyes.

Chandler just shook his head grimly, "not unless you can turn back the clock and make me realize how much she meant to me before she got with Pete."

Joey offered him an apologetic smile, both knowing it wasn't possible.

"Just help me get through tonight," he asked quietly. "Just...just make sure I don't do anything stupid. That I manage to keep my dignity in front of everyone."

"Sure," Joey swallowed, hating seeing his friend in so much pain. He wished he knew what was going on with Monica. Was she doubting the wedding? Was she getting cold feet? He wanted to tell Chandler, and for a moment he toyed with the idea until he met the sad fragile eyes of his roommate. No, he couldn't risk Chandler's heart on maybes, it was delicate enough at the moment. False hope might crush him completely.

"I can do this, Joey," he promised gravely but determinedly. "It's gonna be one of the hardest nights of my life but I'll survive it."

"You will buddy," Joey agreed, patting his friend's shoulder.

Chandler rolled his shoulders back and let out a slow breath. He just had to man up and do this. With a nod he grabbed his wallet and keys and forced himself to leave the apartment.

He could do this.

* * *

A/N- thank you so much for all the reviews. We'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter..


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey everyone! Thanks so much for the awesome reviews!**

* * *

The yellow cab pulled up to the building, and a rushed Joey and Chandler jumped out of it, hurrying inside. Monica spotted them immediately, walking up to them. "You two are late!" she said to them, hitting each of them on the arm, "where have you been?"

The question was to neither one of them in particular, but everybody involved knew she was talking to Chandler. He swallowed, "I, uh," he tried to ignore how incredible she looked in the formal dress she had on, but he was finding that task impossible, "I went into work and then I…" he sighed, unable to lie to her, "I...took a walk,"he finally admitted, avoiding her eyes.

Monica critically looked at him, a concern in her eyes. She knew when Chandler did his whole 'take a walk' thing that he usually had something major on his mind. She wished she'd managed to speak with him earlier...maybe it would have helped them both if they had talked."You took a walk? That's where you were all afternoon?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He hated that she knew him so well sometimes, "Yeah."

Joey noticed the tension in the air and stepped forward, "but we're here now! And you look fantastic."

Monica finally stopped looking at Chandler to turn to Joey, smiling at him a little, "thanks Joey. You look great too." She turned back to Chandler, plucking his shirt between her fingers, "Where is your tie?" She suddenly frowned, realizing how underdressed he looked.

Chandler looked down at his own wardrobe, remembering that he didn't add the neckwear to his shirt earlier. Oops."Oh." He dug in his pocket, pulling out the red silk, it matched her dress perfectly,"I just didn't have time to put it on."

"Put it on, please," she couldn't cope with much more going wrong today, "Dinner will be right after the rehearsal and we don't have time to-"

"Alright," he cut her off sensing a tirade about to begin, "I just need a mirror." He started to walk in the direction he guessed the bathroom was in when he felt her hand on his arm. It burned and he swallowed, raising an eyebrow. She pulled him to a chair in the room.

"Sit," she instructed, pushing him just a little.

Chandler tried not to let his mind go to a sexy place with a tie and a chair, but it was too late, "w-what are you doing?" Her delicious perfume filled his nostrils with the scent of her.

She was pulling on his collar to make it stand up, "tie, please."

He handed it to her, watching dumbstruck as she put it around his neck, "I didn't know you could tie a tie."

Monica smiled down at him, "yeah, I wanted to know how to do it when I was little so I could make Ross dress appropriately for my tea parties, so I had Dad teach me."

He laughed at that, the first time he'd really laughed in a while, "that sounds like you," he teased.

Monica shrugged one of her bare shoulders, "he kept wanting to wear his stupid dinosaur mask. It was not in the dress code." He chuckled again and watched her as she flipped the fabric back and forth, trying to ignore the urge to pull her down in his lap.

She pulled the short end to tighten the tie, "is that too tight?"

Chandler was staring into her blue eyes, shaking his head, "no, it's perfect."

Monica stared back at him, a small smile on her face, "good."

He wanted her this close to him all the time. In the morning before he got out of bed and at night before he went to sleep. Why couldn't he have it? His life was so freaking unfair.

His eyes flicked down to her lips, and he swore her eyes did the same. It was as if they were the only two people in the room, in the world. His heart rate sped up. His head was spinning, did she just move closer to him?

No, she wouldn't move closer to him. Because if she did, that would mean she wanted him to do what he wanted and kiss her. But that wasn't true. It couldn't be true; she was getting married. Tomorrow.

Their stare session ended when Rachel laughed loudly on the other side of the room. Chandler cleared his throat and she took a step back from him. He slowly stood from the chair and leaned down, kissing her softly on the cheek.

He hated that it was the only kiss he could give her, "thanks again, for the tie." His voice cracked a little.

"You're welcome." She said simply, smiling up at him.

He smiled back at her, "Joey was right, you know."

Monica turned her head at the new conversation, "right about what?"

Chandler ran his hand through his hair, "you do look fantastic tonight...beautiful."

She swallowed, "thanks," she said to him quietly before sharing one last look before walking back to the group.

Monica shook off the weird feeling and tried to listen to the idle conversation that was going on around her, but it was difficult. She was all over the place right now. She hadn't been able to talk to Pete at all, he'd been too busy, even for a 10 minute break. As a result she'd spent the afternoon worrying and panicking and those damn doubts were still there, niggling at her.

Were they rushing this? Were they as in love as she thought they were? Could she imagine living with him? Forever? Being Mrs Monica Becker?

"Are you ok, Mon?" Rachel asked quietly.

She looked at her roommate and nodded, "sure."

"If this isn't what you want, it's better to realize it now then tomorrow...or worse, the day after that."

"I know," she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself. She did know that. She just wished she knew what she wanted.

"Don't be pressured by anyone, ok?" Rachel commented as her eyes fell on Mrs Geller as the older woman faked a hysterical laugh at something someone said.

"I won't," she promised.

"Mon," Ross interrupted her as he and the boys approached. He pointed behind him to the front where the reverend and the rest of the wedding party stood and she tried to focus, "they're ready to get started when you are."

"Ok," She swallowed, glancing over to the double doors once more, "Pete should get here soon."

Chandler couldn't resist rolling his eyes at the mention of the groom. Joey caught it and turned to study Monica, watching her face for any more signs of doubt to cross it. There was something on her features but nothing concrete.

He cleared his throat, "Well, where is he?" Joey asked, poking the bear just a little.

"He's on his way." Monica replied, her tone slightly more stern.

Joey definitely found a little bit of doubt that time, "Oh, okay."

Monica's cell phone rang and she excused herself, stepping away from the three of them. Joey discreetly followed her, stepping close enough so that he could hear at least one side of the phone conversation.

"Hi! No, everything's ok," she lied. She really just wanted to see him, talk to him, have him reassure her that this was the right thing to be doing, "we're just waiting on you to get here." Joey crossed his arms and pretended to laugh about something Ross said with the rest of the group, "what? Why? What do you mean it's over ran? But you've been there all day! No, no, I'm not mad but I just…" She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, "okay. I'll let everyone know. Yeah. Okay. Bye."

Joey discreetly stepped back into the circle. She hadn't sounded particularly happy but it wasn't enough proof that she didn't want to marry the guy; she was just pissed at him. Monica stepped over to them, clearing her throat,"So, Pete's still at work. His meeting overran."

"Are we about ready, Ms. Geller? I have another appointment at seven." The reverend said to her.

Monica shook her head, "No, I'm sorry. My fiance isn't here and we need him to do the rehearsal."

"Why don't you have somebody to stand in for him? Then you can show him after dinner tonight. That way, everybody wins, right?" Ross said, sensing his sister's mood.

Monica sighed reluctantly, "okay, yeah, that would work, I guess." How was she meant to decide if marrying Pete was the right thing to do when he wasn't even here for the rehearsal? She felt like she was running out of time.

Joey rolled his eyes at Ross, "golden boy."

"And I was on time," Ross replied smugly.

"Okay, let's do this..." She knew she should be excited as she began collecting everybody, heading to the three bridesmaids and three groomsmen headed to the other end of the aisle. This her wedding rehearsal, her, Monica Geller. She'd dreamt about this her whole life, ever since she was a little girl. She should be so thrilled that this was actually happening.

But she wasn't. She still had doubts plaguing her, seeming to get stronger with every passing moment. She could feel both girls' eyes on her which only made her doubts more real. Why couldn't she just get over this? Make a decision?

"Who's filling in for the delayed groom?"

Oh right. She shook her head to try and clear it as she scanned her options.

"Chandler, come stand up here so we know about where Pete will be." Chandler's eyes grew big at Monica's request.

He panicked. He couldn't stand up there. What kind of torture was she trying to put him through? Wouldn't it be easier to just run him over with a monster truck?

He cleared his throat to try and get some words to come out, "I uh, I don't think…" Wow, he sounded really dumb, "I've got to know…"

Monica scrunched her eyebrows together at his uneasiness, she didn't have time for this,"You just take people to their seats, what's the big deal? Joey is pretending to be my Dad since he can't miss championship poker night, apparently. I tied your tie, so you owe me one." What was his problem? "Get up there."

Chandler tried, but failed, to come up with any excuse not to go up there. Everybody was watching him, waiting on him expectedly to join the happy wedding party. He sighed, defeated. "Fine."

"Thanks," Monica tried to smile. It was her wedding rehearsal and she'd be expected to smile. No one else knew her inner thoughts and unless she wanted them to know before Pete she'd have to pull herself together. "Okay then," she rolled her shoulders bracing herself, "let's get started."

"Okay, we've only got thirty minutes until dinner is served, so this needs to be quick. Chandler and Joey you'll be bringing people in."

"Might be wrong because I don't get to practice." Chandler mumbled.

"Not the time, Mr. Bing." Sarah, Monica's wedding planner said to him, "Okay, so cue the music, Kayla and Ross you come now," she waited a few seconds, trying to get the timing right. "Phoebe and Shane, now." The two walked all the way down the aisle as Chandler stood up front, trying to pretend that he was anywhere else.

"And last but not least, Rachel and Jake." Chandler watched as his friend and Pete's brother walked down, Jake standing right behind him. "Okay, cue bridal music."

Chandler gulped, trying to find something on the back wall to stare at so he could try and not look at her as she walked down towards him. Try and block all of this out. It didn't work, because as soon as she stepped into his vision, the music flooded his ears and he was doomed.

He watched as she slowly drifted towards him, her arm linked through Joey's.

God, she was breathtaking.

He tried to remember whether or not he was good at acting, to see if he could fake a vomit-induced runaway. He shut his eyes, biting his lip. That wasn't going to work.

They finally got to the end of the aisle and Joey leaned over, kissing Monica on the cheek just as her Dad was to do the next day. He shot Chandler a worried look before stepping back.

"Okay Chandler, you, as Pete, would step to her now and take her hand, walking with her back up here." Sarah cut in.

Chandler looked over at the red headed woman, nodding at her, but inside he was screaming.

He stepped down the three steps, shaking Joey's hand and linking Monica's arm with his. They stepped back up, standing face to face, their hands hanging in the middle.

The reverend began saying his lines, but Chandler didn't hear them. He was staring into her eyes again, hoping that the man would get to 'you may kiss the bride' soon.

She was smiling nervously and he smiled a little. He hoped she couldn't feel his palms getting sweaty or his heartbeat speed up, "Chandler?" His blurry world came back to the real one when he finally heard his name.

"Yeah?"

"Did you hear Reverend Jones?" Monica whispered.

Chandler cleared his throat, "Uh, no. I'm sorry."

"This is rehearsal," she said, smiling at him, "you're not really getting married." His smile faded, and he didn't even try to hide it. He didn't want her to think that he was afraid of marriage anymore.

Not if he married the woman in front of him, anyway.

Clearing his throat, he tried to get rid of every single thought in his head and focus, "I'm sorry, would you start again?" Chandler said to Tom.

"Pete, will you take Monica as your wife, will you pledge to share your life openly with her, to speak the truth to her, in love? Will you promise to honor and tenderly care for her, to encourage her fulfillment as an individual through all the changes in your lives?"

Chandler swallowed, and hated that he used Pete's name instead of his own. He cleared his throat, looking into her eyes, "I will."

Monica smiled gratefully at him as he turned to her, repeating the same phrase, millions of thoughts running through her head. "Monica will you take Pete as your husband, will you pledge to share your life openly with him, to speak the truth to him, in love? Will you promise to honor and tenderly care for him, to encourage him fulfillment as an individual through all the changes in your lives?"

Would she? The vows were so final. So real. Could she vow to all that? For life?

Her stomach flipped.

His stomach flipped

She eventually squeezed Chandler's hands, smiling at him again. It wasn't real, not today at least, "I will."

"Then we do the rings, yada yada." Monica turned to get a fake ring from Rachel and put a fake ring on his ring finger on his left hand. "I now pronounce you husband and wife, Pete, you may kiss your bride."

Monica smiled, pulling on Chandler's hands to get him closer. His heart rate sped up again, and he was pretty sure he was shaking. He leaned in closing his eyes, thrilled that karma was finally going to reward him for all these and let him kiss the woman of his dream just once, but she turned her head to the side at the last second, kissing him on the cheek.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present Mr. & Mrs. Pete Becker!"

Chandler tried to regulate his breathing from the almost kiss, disappointment flooding through him as Monica linked her arm through his, walking down the steps as new fake husband and wife, followed by the pairs of bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Sarah walked in after them, "That was great! Let's run it one more time, and then we'll go eat!"

Chandler let his head fall back, looking at the ceiling.

Monica squeezed her eyes shut in confusion.

Both were thinking the same thing...crap.


	9. Chapter 9

"Oh Monica," her mom smiled, she was looking so proud that it was killing her inside. "I can't believe that this time tomorrow you'll be someone's wife. You know your Dad and I are so proud of you. Jack can't wait to walk his little girl down the aisle."

Monica swallowed, hard, this really wasn't helping her.

"Now let me give you some advice…"

"Mom," she almost begged, she had enough to deal with right now, "that's really not necessary."

"Marriage is not all fun, it's hard work," she continued despite the look on her daughter's face, "you need to listen to each other. Seek first to understand before trying to be understood. When you are wrong, say you're sorry. When you are right, shut up."

Monica looked down at the floor, her hands twisting with nervousness. She suddenly found herself thinking of the arguments over things that probably didn't matter with her and Pete. Her stomach flipped as Judy placed a hand on her shoulder, "and now, I'll tell you what my Mom told me. Don't tie a half-hitch knot. Plan to stay married forever."

She looked up at her, the last word echoing over and over again in her head.

Forever.

That was a _long_ time.

Monica gritted her teeth, trying to force herself back to reality and focus on her mother, who was staring right back at her, "thanks mom," she grated, feeling that uneasy feeling in her stomach again.

Thankfully, she was saved by the phone and she excused herself, "Pete?" she asked, "where are you? The rehearsal is over and we'll be starting dinner soon and my mom is driving me crazy."

Phoebe listened, nudging Rachel to get her attention and gesturing towards the not so happy bride to be.

"You need to be here," she heard her voice crack slightly and swallowed. She needed to see him, needed that reassurance. "Can't you tell them it's your wedding tomorrow? That you have commitments?"

The girls shared a worried look.

"Ok, ok, yeah I know," she sighed heavily, "ok, yeah please hurry though." She disconnected the phone and stared at it a moment.

None of this was how she expected her rehearsal dinner to go.

"Are you alright?" she looked up to see Rachel and Phoebe and smiled gratefully, very glad to see them.

"I don't know," she admitted, "part of me says that I'm just being stupid and of course I want this and I should get over myself and just enjoy it and when Pete gets here I'll realize that."

"And the other part?" Phoebe prompted gently.

"Is questioning everything," she closed her eyes. "What do I do?"

Rachel rubbed her arms soothingly, "look the dinner is about to be served. Don't make any decisions now ok?" she suggested. "How about you sit down for a nice meal with your family and friends? Then when Pete gets here you can talk to him and work things out?"

Monica nodded thoughtfully, "ok, yeah...I can do that."

She thanked them as they guided her back into the small crowd. Behind her back the girls shared an uneasy look.

"How you holding up buddy?" Joey asked Chandler quietly, his eyes on the girls as they passed by.

He could see that something was still bothering Monica and was really hoping it was doubts over the wedding. He just needed to speak with Rachel or Phoebe and find out the latest developments. Until he knew for sure what was going on with her, it was his job to look after Chandler.

"I had to pretend to be the damn groom," Chandler grated out, his hand holding his forehead as he tried to rub away the tension. "How the hell do you think I'm doing?"

Joey winced and nodded, understanding his friend's mood. He just wished he could do more to help him. Joey had volunteered to be Jack thinking it would save Chandler from having to walk down the aisle with her. He hadn't realized Chandler would get dragged into playing an even worse part in the rehearsal.

"You did it though, man," he pointed out. "And you hid everything really well. I wouldn't have known."

Chandler nodded, accepting that was probably the most optimistic thing his friend could say given the situation. Reassure him that he was good at wearing his mask; good at hiding the pain that was slowly tearing him up inside. Great.

"Thanks," he finally offered, putting an appreciative hand on his arm for a moment before looking around and realizing that people were starting to move. "Let's just get this stupid dinner out of the way and then I can go home and…"

He didn't know what he'd do when he got home. Curl up in a ball? Drink himself stupid? Should he do something to mark the last night of being in love with _Miss_ Monica Geller? Because tomorrow night she'd be Mrs Becker and he couldn't be in love with a married woman. He just couldn't.

"Come on," Joey patted his back and they joined the crowd.

Everyone took their seats around the long table, the several different conversations happening made the room incredibly loud. Monica pulled her chair at the head of the table to sit down, the uneasy feeling returning since the one next to her was still empty.

She sighed and looked over at Chandler, who was already looking back at her. He furrowed his brow at the look on her face, stepping closer to her so that she could hear him, "are you alright?"

Her blue eyes met his, and she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. She studied his tired face, and remembered that she'd made a mental note to find out what was going on with him after the wedding. She wanted to pour all of her problems on him, tell him how she was feeling about this and maybe he'd help her through this thing she called pre-wedding jitters.

That's all it had to be, right?

But she couldn't pour any of this on him now. Not with the exhaustion on his face and the weird way he'd been acting lately. He truly was her crutch, the one that usually had the best way to fix something or a great shoulder to cry on.

Maybe it was time she stepped up and be the shoulder _he_ needed.

"Mon, are you alright? What's wrong?" He asked again.

She stopped her internal debate, shaking her head in case he couldn't hear her answer, "nothing, I'm fine."

"Monica," his tone was warning, as if he didn't believe her.

She sighed, looking at him and adding a fake smile to her face, "I'm good," she told him, patting the side of his face gently and then cupping it with her hand, "are you good?"

It was her attempt at getting him to talk to her, even though the loud room around them was hardly the place, "I'm good," he said to her.

She finally moved her hand from his face when one of the waitresses tapped her on the arm, "Ms. Geller, we're ready to serve if you're ready?"

She sighed, reaching for Chandler's left wrist to look at the time on his watch. She couldn't keep everyone waiting to eat forever. She had to feed Joey soon or she knew his head would explode.

Monica glanced at the people near her and the empty seat. Her mother, Pete's parents, Pete's brothers. She needed someone to anchor her and keep her sane.

"Sit with me?" she asked quickly, quietly.

"Still no Pete?" he guessed, his eyes falling on the groom's vacant chair.

"No," she shook her head, suddenly desperate for some time with him. "Please?"

He studied her a moment; she didn't look as excited as a forthcoming bride should be, but that was understandable. She was probably missing her soon to be husband. He'd rather had sat with the others, somewhere nondescript where he could have just faded into the background, ignored the other guests, ignored the fancy food, ignored the speeches and try to ignore the whole evening. But with that sad tint to her eyes she gave him no choice.

He'd sacrifice his happiness for hers. She was the important one.

"Want me to be substitute Groom again?" he asked softly.

The grateful look she shot him almost made it worth it; almost, "would you mind?"

"No problem," he lied, still caught up in her eyes, "but that's twice today, the third time's chargeable."

She laughed and it was a beautiful sound.

"Thank you," she smiled gratefully again, her hand on his arm as she tugged him to his newly allocated chair and they sat down.

Chandler glanced around not knowing or wanting to know Pete's parents beside him. If it wasn't for them, Pete wouldn't have been born and Chandler's little world might not be so crappy. Regardless though, he offered them a tight polite fake smile...he was faking everything tonight, what was another one?

Monica felt uneasy again, looking around the room full of people expecting her to get married tomorrow. Her stomach twisted, the knot deepening. Even if she changed her mind, wanted to pull out could she? Could she really do it with all these people's expectations? Let them all down? She suddenly had a new respect for Rachel.

She sought out Rachel's face in the mass of people but she was seated down the other end, talking animatedly to Joey and Phoebe. She wondered what they were talking about, hopefully not her.

"You ok?"

She looked over to Chandler and offered him a small smile, very glad he was here with her. Her anchor in this sea of confusion.

"Sure," she swallowed although she wished they could just skip this and sneak off somewhere to talk. She wanted his advice and wanted to help him with whatever was bumming him out and they couldn't do that here.

God, was she really wishing she could play hooky at her own rehearsal dinner?

"He'll be here soon," Chandler tried to comfort her, tried to cheer her up the best he could while ignoring his own pain and bitterness. Pete was what made her happy now, Pete was who she was missing, who she was craving. It killed him that he couldn't fill that gap. "And by this time tomorrow you'll be married," that killed him even more. The knife twisting sharply in his torn heart.

"Can we not talk about the wedding?" she asked softly as the servers started to dish out the food.

Chandler frowned, somewhat taken back, "sure," he agreed quickly, surprised but more than happy to comply. He'd expected to have to sit here listening to her go on and on about Pete and the perfect wedding tomorrow; he'd been dreading it but had been willing to listen, to do anything to help her put a smile back on her face, "what did you want to talk about?"

"Anything," she confessed quietly, praying he wouldn't question her. Would hear her silent plea and just talk about nothing and everything. Like they'd done so many times in the past.

"Ok, well, I actually learned something yesterday," he commented casually as he tried to work out which fork to use, "Donald Duck has a middle name."

"Yeah?" she asked intrigued and eternally grateful that he'd known what she needed. "What is it?" she ventured, as she took the fork he'd selected off him and guided him to the correct one.

"Guess," he suggested, with a small nod of thanks for the fork help.

"Um, Quackers?"

"Quackers?" he teased, "what are you five? That's not a name."

"Hey," she protested, "it's a duck's name! Besides his last name is 'Duck' what kinda surname is that. It would be like being called Monica Woman, or Chandler Human."

"Ok, ok," he grinned playfully, taking another mouthful of the ridiculously small portion of fancy food, "I see your point but it's still wrong."

"How many guesses do I get?"

"Two?" he shrugged.

"Two? That's a little harsh," she protested, "and what do I get if I win?"

"The satisfaction of knowing you were right?" he offered. "There's no prize, besides you won't guess it, so there's no point even having this part of the conversation."

"Wanna bet?"

"With you? No," he smiled, getting caught up in the light-hearted banter. This had been exactly what his soul had needed. Some good quality time with her, just the two of them...despite the roomful of people and the staff weaving in and out...at this moment it felt like just them.

"Fine, ok, let's see," she took a sip of her wine as she considered her options. "Well Disney does like it's alliteration so I'm guessing it's something that starts with D...Derek? Wait, no, I take that one back, that's not ducky."

He laughed, his heart fluttering as he took her in. She was so cute and competitive, god, he loved that about her. For one foolish moment he allowed that love to wash over him, to bask in how absolutely incredible she was and forget that she wasn't his and never would be.

"Daffy, no wait that's Warner brothers, isn't it? Ok, um…"

He never realized how much he could love someone and how much it was gonna hurt tomorrow. He wished he could have stopped himself but he knew he was too far beyond that. He just hoped he'd get over her one day and be able to find someone else and love them an ounce of what he was feeling right now towards her.

"Ok, right, Damien."

He blinked, smiling, she looked so hopeful.

"How is Damien any more 'ducky' than Derek?" he chuckled, reaching for his drink.

"Just tell me," she insisted, hitting his arm gently. "Am I right?"

"No, of course you aren't," he teased, "I told you you wouldn't guess it."

"I still have another go," she reminded him, "so don't get too cocky, Bing."

He held his hand up in defense, moving to the side slightly so the waitress could clear his plate.

"Um ok, Donald something Duck..." she pondered.

"No, it's not 'Something'," he informed her and she hit him again.

"That wasn't a guess," she told him pointedly.

He let her continue, just content to be with her, content with the knowledge that he was making her laugh and smile and forget about her absent fiancé.

"Ok, ok," she declared proudly, "I've got it David. Donald David Duck."

"Nuzzzzzzzzzzzz," he made the buzzer sound, "incorrect Geller."

She huffed good naturedly and shrugged a little, "fine, just tell me."

"It's Fauntleroy," he said smugly to which she frowned.

"That's not a name!" she protested.

"Yes it is," he informed her easily, "it's his middle name so it has to be a name."

"But it's not 'ducky' and it doesn't even start with a 'D'!"

"I didn't give him the name," he pointed out, "there's no point complaining to me. I have my own middle name to deal with."

"Which is?" she asked curiously, "you've never told me what the 'M' stands for."

"And I never will," he quipped with a smile as the next course was served.

Monica laughed, totally caught up in her stupid conversation with Chandler and not noticing that the time had flown by and the three courses had been eaten and cleared away.

"Miss Geller?" Sarah interrupted, "Um, are you ready for the speeches?"

Speeches. The warm, relaxed atmosphere she'd had with Chandler suddenly vanished as the harsh reality of her present situation came crashing down on her. Speeches. Guests. The wedding...

The wedding.

"Miss Geller?" her wedding planner prompted again. "If we are to keep to the schedule, should the best man go ahead with his speech now?"

"Ok, yeah," she nodded, confused about everything still. She shouldn't be spending her rehearsal dinner having a better time chatting away to Chandler about stupid things. If she truly wanted this shouldn't it be different? Shouldn't it feel different? Shouldn't she be walking round and chatting to everybody? Telling them how ecstatic she was to be getting married, talking about her future and be floating on cloud nine?

"Right," Sarah continued, "it's pretty important that somebody else also make a speech. Maybe your mother or your pretend father or stand in groom?" Monica shook her head.

She glanced at Chandler who looked sad again all of a sudden. When they'd been chatting away he'd looked carefree, like the weight of the world was off his shoulders. That glint had been back in his eyes, but now he looked crestfallen, his eyes dull again as he studied the table cloth.

"No, no one," she said quickly, "he, uh, charges for the third time."

She ignored the confused wedding planner and shot her best friend a look, he looked up and smiled back at her briefly. God, she always knew how to make him smile.

Monica's hands twisted with nervousness as she watched Sarah walk over to Jake, leaning down to speak to Pete's best man. She frowned as he began to laugh, shaking his head.

Damn him. She was not a fan of either of her soon-to-be brothers in law.

Sarah returned to Monica, her clipboard in her hand, "Okay, he doesn't have a speech."

She rolled her eyes at that, "Why doesn't that surprise me?" she leaned to the side, looking for Rachel, "Maybe Rachel has one?"

Sarah nodded and hurried over to the maid of honor, nodding and rushing back to Monica, "She said she doesn't really have one for tonight but if you really need her to she can use the one she did for tomorrow and…"

Monica sighed, waving a hand, "No, that's okay. I'll just...come up with something."

Chandler saw the look in her eyes, the pain she obviously felt about the love of her life not being by her side at this moment. It wasn't fair for her to stand in front of all these people, come up with something to say and make it sound like she was the happiest woman in the world.

He sighed, listening as Sarah went over the schedule problems, another thing she probably didn't want to hear at this moment. She turned to him, panic in her voice as Sarah walked away, "do you have a pen?"

He shook his head, "no."

"I've got to come up with something," she said to him, "where in the hell is Pete?" Chandler focused on her again as she picked up his wrist, looking at the late hour on his watch.

He sighed and made a decision. He squeezed her hand as he pulled himself up, "expect the bill in the mail." He winked at her again and she watched him as he stood from his seat, his glass of expensive wine in his right hand, his fork in his left. He tapped the silverware against the glass, the loud noise catching everyone's attention.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N - thanks so much for the reviews. You guys are awesome!

* * *

All the conversations around the room stopped abruptly and every pair of eyes turned expectantly to where Chandler stood in front of Pete's chair. All the attention was on him.

He swallowed, feeling himself start to sweat and suddenly started wondering whether this was such a good idea. He glanced at Monica and saw her grateful expression shining up at him and he nodded. Whether it was a stupid idea or not he'd dug his hole and wouldn't let her down.

"H-hi everyone," he started, taking a breath, "I don't really have anything prepared, but since we're short on speeches tonight, I thought I'd give it a try." He shrugged a little, suddenly very uncomfortable. He really should have thought this through or at least spent a minute planning what he was going to say. "I guess I should start by introducing myself. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Chandler Bing. I've been a good friend of Monica's for about eight years now," he paused, the word 'friend' didn't sound nearly enough to describe their relationship but that's all he was. Her friend. Ignoring his internal musings he tried to focus on the task at hand.

There was no avoiding it, he'd have to mention Pete; people would expect it. He was the groom.

The groom.

He swallowed, having to force the next words out of his mouth, trying to keep the fake smile on his face despite the bile in his mouth, "and I'm happy to say that after getting to know Pete this last year, I am sure..." shiesh this was hard to get out, painful, "that he and I will become as close as Monica and I have as well." They wouldn't. He didn't want that; it was another lie. He risked a glance down at her, and it pleased him that she was smiling up at him in shock. He loved her smile.

Down towards the other end of the table, Joey watched carefully as Monica's face said exactly what she was thinking, even though she tried desperately to hide it. She was smiling because of Chandler's speech, but there was something in her eyes that was nothing but doubt and uncertainty...hopefully about her impending marriage.

Chandler looked around the room at the sea of faces again, trying to come up with something to say. Anything. A joke? He cleared his throat to make his pause seem reasonable, "at first, it may not seem obvious how these two became a couple. After all, Monica is a chef, and Pete deals with computer stuff. And you can't really cook computer stuff, I don't think anyway."

The crowd chuckled politely and gave him enough time to take a much needed sip of water, "But as it so often happens, opposites attract, and I think these two quickly realized how well they," he stopped again, looking for the right word, dismissing all the negative ones that first came to mind, "...complete each other." God it hurt. "So here we are, a year later, sitting down to this lovely dinner provided by Pete and his parents, and tomorrow we'll all be at the wedding," he suddenly felt sick to his stomach, unable to finish the previous sentence. He wanted it to end, as he was done with falsely praising Pete and Monica's relationship.

He looked at her again, taking inspiration from her beautiful smile. "Monica is one of the most amazing women I know," he swallowed, smiling at her, "she's determined, strong-willed, passionate...but also has this incredibly caring side and would do anything to help anyone," he paused knowing he was entering dangerous ground, "And I think we can all agree she's looking beautiful tonight," people clapped in approval and he found the slight blush that came to her cheeks totally endearing.

He let his gaze stay on her for another moment before looking out at the crowd...at the wedding guests. The guests of Monica and Pete's wedding. Pete. He was the one that had her heart. He was the one that could call her beautiful...not him. He swallowed hard as the reality started to crash back down around him and his heart started to break. "And Pete," he desperately tried to continue, despite the pain in his chest, "is one lucky son of a...gun," he had to end this, had to end it now, "so, uh, let's raise our glasses and wish Pete and Monica every happiness and a...long life together, forever," his voice cracked and he took a large mouthful of his own drink.

His audience clapped, and he flopped down in the chair behind him. Deflated and defeated. Pete's mother leaned over, "Thank you for that lovely speech!" She said, patting his cheek.

Chandler gritted his teeth, he hated everything about it. Everything about this.

Talking about Pete and Monica together as a couple, wishing them happiness? He wanted to stand up and scream that he was lying about the whole thing. That none of it was true. Just like seeing Monica in the lingerie, giving that little speech was pure torture.

Monica put her hand on his arm, leaning over to thank Chandler when she noticed a familiar figure.

"Hey!" Pete said from behind Chandler, leaning pass him to kiss Monica. Chandler turned his face away unable to look at them so close. "I'm so sorry I'm late, babe."

"Oh it's…" Monica started.

Pete turned back to Chandler reaching for his hand, shaking it firmly and effectively cutting her off, "I heard your speech, thanks buddy." He said, clapping his shoulder before turning back to Monica, pulling her up from her seat and kissing her deeply.

Chandler slammed his eyes shut, unable to take anymore. He stood up quickly, head down, muttering something, he left them to it. He quickly walked passed everyone at the tables, ignoring Joey and Phoebe, who both called his name.

Monica pulled back from Pete, looking around him immediately for Chandler, "I'm so sorry I'm late," Pete said again, cupping her face with both of his hands, "I tried to get out, I really did, but we're trying to sell this software to Microsoft and they're being a pain in the butt about it."

She swallowed, looking up at him, waiting for that instant reassurance to come. It didn't. "It's okay," she lied, "I uh…"

"Mom and Dad, hey." Pete said, stepping away from her to speak to his parents. She crossed her arms, looking around for Chandler again, her stomach flipping when she didn't see him anywhere. He was her anchor and she needed him more than ever.

* * *

Joey left his chair at the table, walking around and looking for his apparently invisible friend. He opened the men's room door, looking around in there before calling his name, "Chandler?"

He stood in the hallway outside the rehearsal hall, his hands on his hips, looking back and forth. He walked the rest of the way down the hall, checking every door that would open easily, and he was still nowhere to be found.

His last resort was to try outside, and he breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw him across the street, sitting on a bench there. The night air was a little chillier than he'd expected, so he pulled his suit jacket a little tighter around him.

He looked both ways, crossing the street and sitting down next to his friend. Chandler had his hands tangled in his hair, his elbows propped on his knees, staring at the ground. "Joey, I don't want to talk about this."

He looked at the side of Chandler's face, his tie loosened around his neck. He was surprised to find him still staring at the ground and not looking at him, "how did you know it was me?"

He still didn't look, "please, please leave me alone. I'm fine."

"You're sitting out here by yourself in the cold. You're not fine."

Chandler finally snapped his head up to look at him, with every intention to let him have all the pent up aggression that had built inside of him, but he couldn't do it. He'd figured out what he needed to do to fix this problem of his, and yelling at Joey so loud that the birds would hear wasn't it.

He ran a hand through his hair, "Tomorrow after the wedding, I'm going to sit down with Monica."

Joey looked at him, his mouth hanging open slightly, "Chandler…"

"Wait," he stopped him, "let me get this out, please. It's hard enough." Joey nodded, not saying anything else, "I'm going to explain to her that I need to take a step back. I need to not be around her all the time like I am now. I need to be okay with just seeing her on special occasions or casually in Central Perk," he sighed, "I need to be okay with just being a neighbor…and when she moves to live with Pete…a friend of a neighbor."

"You can't do that," Joey replied, "Monica is your best friend. You can't just scratch her out of your life like that. That will kill you, both of you."

"No," he shook his head violently, "what kills me, Joey, is to see him hold her hand, have to watch him hug and kiss her. Thinking about the two of them is driving me insane. Seeing it is driving me nutso. I can't take it anymore. That hour that I just spent with her without him there is the best hour we've had together in months. I hate that." Joey swallowed, unsure of what to say, "I can't be Uncle Chandler to their kids like she wants me to be. I just can't do that."

"So you're just cutting her out? Just like that?"

"I have to," he said, "it's the only solution. I need to get my sanity back. I need the space away from her to get over her and get over what could have been."

"So you're telling me that in ten years time, when we're all gathering around for Thanksgiving, you might come or you might not? Because you're just that friend that Monica sends an invite to every year? That's what you're going to be?"

"Yes." Chandler stated, his voice serious, "I have to, Joey. This is too hard for me. Even talking about not being around her everyday is killing me inside. But in order for her to be happy, I need to step back. She loves Pete, great, and she wants to be with Pete, wonderful, but what about me?" He rubbed a hand over his face, "I can't do it. I thought I'd get over it but I'm kidding myself. I'm too sucked into this whole damn situation."

"Can I do anything to help?" Joey asked unsure, he hated how much his friend was hurting. He knew Chandler wouldn't be able to just shut Monica out like that, no matter how hard he tried, but if that's what his friend needed to believe to get him through tonight and tomorrow then he'd let him.

He just prayed it wouldn't come to that.

Chandler shook his head sadly, "nothing right now. Just go back inside."

"You're not coming?" he frowned.

He shook his head again, looking up to briefly meet his friend's worried eyes, "I just need a bit of time," he swallowed, "I'll be back in soon."

Joey studied him a moment longer before reluctantly agreeing. He patted his shoulder in silent support as he left, to head back in the direction of the hall.

Chandler watched him go before squeezing his eyes shut. A bit of time? Yeah right, he needed a lot more than that. He leant forwards, his elbows on his knees, resting his head in his hands. If he thought this was bad how the hell was he gonna survive tomorrow? Maybe he should cut her out of his life tonight by just leaving? Disappearing for the weekend, not having to face her or the wedding or anyone. Then, when he came out of hiding she'd be so mad she wouldn't want anything to do with him anyhow, so problem solved...yeah right.

His hands turned into shaking fists. He hated this. Hated this so damn much, almost as much as he hated himself.

Why had he had to fall in love with her?

It wasn't fair, none of this was fair.

He was supposed to be her best friend, be there for her through everything and yet he was seriously considering abandoning her on the biggest day of her life. Running away and leaving her. She didn't deserve this; it wasn't her fault he was so weak.

She didn't deserve to lose her best friend but if she knew his inner thoughts would she even want him to be her best friend anymore? He sincerely doubted it. Once the mask fell and his true feelings were revealed she'd want nothing to do with him.

He would hurt her. Even if he didn't mean to, he was going to hurt her and it was all his fault.

He felt like scum.

* * *

Monica sat anxiously in her seat as Pete was giving his speech around her. All her hopes had been pinned on seeing him again, that his presence would reassure her and calm her. But it didn't. That in itself made her even more panicked. Her stomach felt uneasy as her insides twisted with indecision.

Was she seriously considering not going through with this? She could feel her heartbeat speed up, like her heart was going to burst from her chest as her breath quickened.

She wasn't listening to Pete's speech anymore, she couldn't, her mind was so confused. However, words like 'forever' and 'life' penetrated through her fog and taunted her. Wide-eyed she looked at the people around the table, but couldn't focus on anyone. She felt trapped. She couldn't be here any longer.

Rachel was watching her closely, very concerned for her friend.

"I think she's in trouble," Rachel whispered desperately to Phoebe, who nodded worriedly debating what they could do.

Suddenly Monica sprang up hurriedly from her seat, muttering an apology as she felt everyone looking at her. Oh god, oh god. She practically ran from the room, into the empty corridor and froze. Tears in her eyes as she brought a hand to cover her face.

"Monica?" Thank god it was Rachel and Phoebe on the other side as they guided her. She didn't know where but she gratefully followed.

"Monica?" Pete. She couldn't deal with him right now. She couldn't see him like this.

Rachel was still walking her away and she heard Phoebe behind her.

"Let us talk to her," Phoebe said it quietly but Monica could still hear her, "go back and finish your speech and reassure everyone ok? We've got her."

Pete wasn't sure, he was worried and confused but reluctantly nodded and headed back leaving his fiancé with her friends.

"Come on," Rachel guided her into a small empty room as Phoebe closed the door.

"What do I do?" Monica asked fearfully, "What do I do? I thought I'd see him and everything would be ok but it isn't! If I marry him it's for life. I need to be sure, really sure and I don't have long to decide. What do I do?"

"It's gonna be ok," Phoebe promised, offering her a napkin to wipe her tears. "Listen to your heart."

* * *

Still concerned over his friend, Joey made it back onto his table, not even noticing the absence of any of the girls.

"Where have you been?" Ross asked annoyed.

"Just with Chandler," he shrugged, before looking around and noticing the empty spaces. "Where is everyone?"

"Looking after Monica," Ross confessed, uneasy. "I think something's going on. She ran out of here during Pete's speech and Rach and Phoebe ran after her...it's like they knew she was gonna run. And Pete's not exactly looking happy," his head nodded over to the thoughtful looking groom.

Joey frowned. Was this Monica pulling out? Getting doubts?

"I've gotta go," he insisted, jumping out of his seat and leaving a bemused Ross behind him.

He looked around for any signs of the girls but couldn't see them. He needed to know what was going on. Needed to know anything that might help heal his broken friend. He was about to give up and head back out to Chandler when Phoebe came bursting out of a side-door.

"Phoebe!" He called, "thank god, what's going on?"

"Monica's having second thoughts," she said quietly so the people the other side of the door couldn't hear her. "I'm on tissue duty," she gestured towards the bathroom. "I've gotta get back in there."

"She's definitely having doubts?" Joey asked, screwing up his face worriedly, "you're 100% sure." He was very conscious that the happiness of both his friends rested on his shoulders. He didn't want to let anyone down.

Phoebe nodded, studying him.

"I've gotta talk to Chandler," he said, turning to head towards the exit, but Phoebe's voice startled him.

"He's in love with her, isn't he?"

Joey swallowed hard, turning back to look at her over his shoulder. Their eyes met and he sadly nodded, "it's killing him," he whispered, turning back fully and stepping towards her. "I have to tell him, Phoebe, he needs to talk to her and she deserves to know...right?"

He looked so worried, so unsure that Phoebe nodded, pulling him in for a quick hug, "go talk to him," she assured him. "It might be what they both need."

Joey nodded extremely grateful for the reassurance, "thanks Pheebs."

Looking determined, he headed purposely back outside to find his friend.

He just prayed it was all going to turn out ok. It had to.

* * *

TBC...

Let us know what you thought :o)


	11. Chapter 11

Joey carefully sat down next to his roommate who hadn't moved since he left him there earlier.

"Back so soon?" Chandler asked him, his head still hanging low.

He sighed, contemplating his friend, not knowing one bit on how to start this conversation. "Yeah...you have me worried, sitting out here all by yourself," he started distractedly, his mind still on Monica, "I think you should come back in."

"No thanks."

Joey sighed again, Chandler wasn't making this easy, "Look, you should come back because she-"

"I'm a big boy, Joey." Chandler finally made eye contact with him, "I appreciate your concern, really, but I'm gonna be fine."

Joey shook his head, "I don't think you are but that's not-."

"Way to throw a rock at me while I'm down."

He resisted rolling his eyes at his roommate; Joey knew better than anyone how much he used humor as a defense mechanism. He took a couple of deep breaths trying to work out how to approach this.

"Chandler, she really needs you right now…"

"No she doesn't, Pete's here now," he swallowed his pain, "he's the one she needs. She doesn't need me anymore," he closed his eyes briefly, pictures of Pete greeting Monica, that kiss; he sighed, pinching his nose. God, he wished he had a cigarette. "I'm thinking of maybe disappearing for a bit, skipping the wedding and-"

"There may not be a wedding."

Chandler froze, his frown deepening as he slowly processed his roommate's words, "What?"

"Nothing is definite, yet," Joey told him quickly wincing, "which is why I didn't say anything earlier…but Monica's having doubts."

They sat in silence as Chandler digested his words and what they meant, "Everyone gets cold feet before their wedding day," he eventually shrugged, "it doesn't mean anything…doesn't change anything."

"It's more than cold feet and disappearing right now, cutting her out of your life is insane, whatever happens. Look she's got serious doubts and she deserves to know the truth. Tell her."

"Tell her what?" Chandler asked still wary. His heart was still too vulnerable to start filling it with hope. It was better to believe she was gonna marry Pete and leave it as that.

Joey looked into his friend's blue eyes so that he'd know he was serious, "Tell her how you feel about her."

Chandler sat back, "I can't do that," he replied, shaking his head, "there's a good chance she's getting married in less than 24 hours. I can't tell her anything. Like you told me, it's too late, I need to forget her."

Joey turned to him even more, grabbing both of his shoulders and gripping them tightly, "I know that I said you shouldn't, but I was wrong before. She needs to know. Now!"

"No!" Again, Chandler shook his head fiercely, pushing Joey's hands off him, "I can't do that to her. If she's got doubts then she's already confused and stressed with the biggest decision of her life to make hanging over her. She doesn't need me bounding in there and dumping my crap on her."

"But-"

"And even if I did," he jumped up, starting to pace in front of the bench, "even if I thought it was my last chance and I selfishly go for it, what if it blows up in my face? What then? If I pour my heart out to her and she doesn't feel the same? I'll have messed her up even more and I'd never forgive myself. She'd want nothing to do with me. I'd be crushed."

"At least you might be able to start getting over her. I think part of your problem is that you don't know how she feels about you," he resisted pointing out he already looked pretty crushed.

"No," Chandler shook his head firmly, a shaking hand scrubbing through his already abused hair. "I know how she feels about me; she sees me as a friend. If she decides not to marry Pete she going to need her friends around her, not lusting after her and making her uncomfortable. And if she wants to marry Pete then I've got no right to try and interfere with that. She won't appreciate it and my heart won't appreciate it either," he paused, deflating as turned his face to stare at the rehearsal hall. "I won't be that guy, Joe, the guy that tries to take advantage of his best friend when she's at her most vulnerable."

Joey's concerned gaze stayed settled on his friend. The pain in his voice was thick and he hated this whole situation. Hated that he couldn't force Chandler to show his hand. He had to accept that couldn't force him to do anything.

He just had to pray that Monica would make the right decision for all of them.

* * *

Rachel and Phoebe sat beside Monica, Rachel rubbing her back and Phoebe holding both of her hands, "Monica it's going to be okay. Whatever you decide."

Monica tried to take a deep breath, "I just don't-"

Phoebe looked at the side of her face, "do you love him?"

She picked her eyes up from the floor to look into Phoebe's eyes, not able to put her feelings about Pete right now into words, "I-" she stopped, "I need..."

She needed her best friend. She needed to talk to him, tell him how hard this was for her. He'd been the one to help her when she was debating breaking up with Pete all those months ago. He was the one that just seemed to know her, sometimes more than she knew herself. Especially now.

She squeezed Phoebe's hand, "I love you guys but I need-" she sighed, brushing a tear off of her face, "I just need a minute, please."

Rachel looked at Phoebe, both knowing well and good that Chandler was what she needed now.

"Okay," Rachel said quietly, stepping away from her. Phoebe dropped her hands and followed Rachel out of the room. She turned to Phoebe, "is this progress or a problem?" she whispered, "because I don't think she's going to go through with this."

Phoebe nodded, "well, if it's a problem then we've got two."

Rachel's eyes grew big as they walked down a hall, "oh god, what now?"

The pair stopped in the middle of the hall, "let's just say that Pete isn't the only one that is in love with Monica."

Rachel's eyes grew big again as understanding suddenly dawned on her, "Chandler?" she guessed.

Phoebe pressed her lips together, "I didn't say anything."

Rachel brought her hand up to her mouth, "and Monica doesn't know?"

She shook her head, "no."

"Oh my..." Phoebe nodded at her, "why hasn't he told her?"

"I don't know," Phoebe admitted, though she had her suspicions.

Rachel stepped forward again, "well she needs him now. Regardless of how he feels, she needs him to get a grip and be her friend."

"You go get Chandler, I'm going to go cover and tell Pete she needs a while longer to herself."

Rachel nodded, "okay good." She started to walk then paused, "where are they?"

"Outside somewhere," Phoebe gestured vaguely at the doors.

"Right," she walked towards the said double doors, opening them and stepping out into the crisp air, spotting them instantly, "hey," she called to them, causing both of them to look at her, "Chandler, will you go see if Monica is okay, please?"

Chandler's tone was alarmed as he frowned, "is she ok?"

Rachel put her hands up, "yeah, she just needs your ear...and your shoulder."

Chandler nodded, glancing over at Joey uncertainly. His roommate nodded in support, silently trying to communicate with him that he should just go for it. He swallowed, faltering, still unsure. He didn't feel strong enough to see her right now, but if she needed him he was going to be there for her; he had to be.

"Where is she?" he asked.

"I'll show you," Rachel said softly crossing the street and not looking back, she knew he'd be following.

They walked in silence. She was still processing tonight's events and revelations. He was trying to work out what to say to Monica.

When they reached the door Rachel came to a stop. She offered him a brief smile of support before turning and leaving. Chandler frowned after her for a moment...had that been pity in her eyes?

Now wasn't the time, he told himself. It didn't matter about the others and what they did or didn't know. Now was for Monica and he had to prove himself to be the bigger man. That he could put her happiness in front of her own.

He swallowed, his hand hovering over the door knob. He could do this. He _had_ to do this. Monica needed him and god only knew how much he needed Monica.

Taking a deep breath he pushed the door open and quietly stepped in. Monica looked up, surprised but grateful to see him. He closed the door and stood there awkwardly a moment, trying to find the words.

"Hey," she finally offered an opening, she knew she looked a complete mess. All that time spent on hair and makeup earlier wasted.

"Hey," he said back somewhat lamely, looking around the small room. "You ok?" He winced even more, berating himself and his attempts to comfort her. What a dumb opening line. Of course she wasn't ok. It was her rehearsal dinner, the night before her wedding and she was in here with him crying.

"I don't know," she admitted, scrunching up the tissue in her hand, "it's all so complicated."

Chandler swallowed, her comments confirming his earlier thoughts and he felt guilty that he'd even contemplated telling her. She looked like the world was already on her small shoulders and she certainly didn't need him to add to it. He couldn't believe he'd contemplated bailing on her, disappearing and leaving her; how could he have even considered that? With a sigh, he pushed down his feelings of guilt and took a few steps towards her. Perching on the edge of the neighboring chair.

"What's going on?" he finally asked softly. Desperate to get inside her mind.

"I don't know," she admitted, more tears coming to her eyes.

He grimaced, a hand coming to rest on her knee, trying to offer her some tactile comfort. He hated seeing her cry, it broke his heart that little bit more. He could cope with his own pain but couldn't bear to see her hurting as well.

"I…" she took a deep breath, before wiping furiously at her eyes. She hated showing weakness. Hated this whole situation, "I don't know what happened. A few days ago I couldn't wait to get married but then…"

"What?" he prompted gently.

"Some things got said and I started to think things over and...now I have doubts, big doubts."

"Oh." He knew he sounded stupid but he had nothing else to offer. He was floored by hearing her actually confirm Joey's statement. To say the words out loud.

"And the more I thought about it the more I got scared and unsure if I should be doing this. I tried to push it to the side, tried to tell myself it would be alright and I just had to see Pete again and everything would be alright."

"And it isn't?" he guessed.

She shook her head looking down trying to compose herself.

"What do I do Chandler?" she asked fearfully, "I've got a room full of people expecting me to get married. I've got a fiancé expecting me to get married. I've got a perfect future all lined up and I just don't know what to do," He swallowed as her blue eyes met his, glistening with tears. "Tell me what to do."

He studied her eyes, wishing desperately that he could take away her pain. Wishing desperately that he could tell her to forget all about Pete and to give him a chance. That he would do everything in his power to ensure she never looked so upset and distraught again. That he would love and cherish her like she deserved. That he was the man she should be with; the man that loved her with every fiber of his being. But he couldn't.

"I can't tell you that," he said quietly, pushing down his longing, "you've gotta do what feels right," he insisted. "You don't have to get married just because you don't want to let people down. Do…" he swallowed down the lump in his lump, "...do you...love him?"

He cringed awaiting her answer.

"I don't know," she confessed, needing another tissue.

Chandler sensed this and stood up, reaching for the small box. When he turned she was behind him and automatically he pulled her into a fierce hug. She came willingly, clinging to him as he comforted her.

"That's all you have to decide, Mon," he soothed quietly in her ear, "if you love him or not. If you do," his voice cracked with pain and he forced himself to muster up some inner strength from deep within him, "if you do then nothing else should matter...and if you don't," again he had to swallow, hating how much this was killing him, "if you don't then you've gotta tell him and finish this. You can't marry him if you don't love him...it wouldn't be fair...for either of you."

He felt her nod against his chest, her tears soaking through the front of his shirt as he continued to hold her, cherishing the feeling of her in his arms. His hands stroked her hair, her back, anywhere he could reach to try and comfort and soothe her pain.

Eventually she pulled away slightly, just enough to raise her head. She met his eyes, their faces so close together.

"When did you get so smart?" she asked quietly, her eyes still filled with tears.

"I've been taking some extra credits," he smiled softly but turned serious again quickly, "I mean it Mon, don't settle ok? Don't do this unless you really want to. You deserve the absolute best. You deserve to be loved and treasured and," his voice broke but he continued, knowing this might be the only chance he got to express this to her, "you deserve to be with a man that acts as if you're his whole world and that makes you the happiest you've ever been in your life."

He cupped her cheek, his thumbs brushing away her fresh tears. He hurt so badly for her, for both of them.

"You're worth so much, Monica," he whispered, "you've got to believe that."

He pressed his forehead to hers, his hands still on his cheeks as he closed his eyes trying to get a grip on his emotions. She was so close to him, still pressed against him, her breath against his face. Her head tilted up towards him, her shining eyes studying him. He felt himself getting drawn in by those eyes.

He knew he shouldn't. He knew it was wrong, so wrong but he was slowly getting pulled towards her, he couldn't fight it. He didn't want to fight it. His mind was screaming at him to back up, to break away because he couldn't do this, but he was unable to stop himself.

He was weak and he wanted this so damn much.

He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to hers.

* * *

TBC…

Ok, so we have a bit of an evil streak but please don't hate us too much. We promise we'll post the next part up very soon.

Thanks again for all the reviews. You guys rock :o)


	12. Chapter 12

Her lips were so soft, softer than he had imagined. After a beat, he pressed harder, the need to taste and experience her too great. He wanted to deepen the kiss so badly, and he wondered if she'd let him. She felt amazing and he closed his eyes, savoring it.

He knew this was wrong, so wrong. He was kissing Monica Geller, the woman who was supposed to be getting married tomorrow. His friend. He should stop, pull back. He should do that; he tried to make himself stop, really, he did but despite his best intentions his grip on her only tightened.

Did she just pull him closer? He wanted more, so much more. He opened his mouth, and every bit of him was relieved when she opened hers. He deepened the kiss, wanting to explore every inch of her.

God, this was everything he wanted. He wanted to stay here, kissing her like this until the end of time. He moved his hands to her back, ran them up her spine, pleased when he felt her skin there, felt goosebumps; she shivered against him.

His head was spinning, but he didn't care. All his senses were filled with her. He was drowning yet he didn't want to stop. Ever.

Then suddenly he felt her pull away, felt her hands on his chest and he opened his eyes. She opened her eyes and they were wide, confused and suddenly it dawned on him what he'd done. It crashed down on him and he staggered back slightly. Panicked.

Oh god what had he done?

She'd needed him, needed a friend and he'd taken advantage of her. Just like he'd vowed he wouldn't.

"I…" he stammered, backing away from her. He needed to get away from her, get away from here. He needed air.

"Chandler…"

He shook his head, he didn't want to hear her right now, wasn't ready. He practically ran to the door, his shaking hand fumbling for the door handle in his desperate attempt to escape. He got it open and turned, taking one last look at her.

She looked broken, confused, tears running down her face...he'd done that to her. He should have left her when he'd had the chance. At least then he wouldn't have abused her trust.

"I'm sorry," he choked, unable to meet her eyes, the guilt too much.

With that he bolted, his feet carrying him out of the building. He ignored his friends' worried shouts, shrugged off Joey when he tried to stop him. He just walked and walked.

He needed cigarettes.

* * *

Monica stood there, shocked, as the door closed behind him.

Chandler just kissed her.

And she _let_ him.

In fact, she may have kissed him back.

God, if that was what she was supposed to feel when she was kissed, she'd been missing out. She shook her head, stopping her thoughts. Now wasn't the time. She couldn't even contemplate this right now. She had a wedding to...what...cancel?

Pressing a finger to her lips, she tried to stop the tingling and focus on the biggest decision of her life. She shouldn't be thinking about the kiss...it was just a moment of weakness between the two of them. He'd been comforting her, emotions had been high and it had just happened. She needed him, and he was there, just like he always was. And that's all it was. Nothing else. It didn't mean anything.

Monica wiped her tears away again, standing to find a mirror in the room so she could clean up her face. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, sighing hard. She looked exhausted, but she needed to at least make another appearance, to find Pete and talk to him.

Chandler had been right; she couldn't marry him if she didn't love him enough. It was that simple. It just wouldn't fair to either of them.

Chandler.

He'd looked pretty freaked about the kiss but he was probably just as surprised as she was. Closing her eyes and taking some deep breaths, she pushed thoughts of her best friend to the back of her mind. First she had to deal with this whole mess of a rehearsal dinner. Let everybody down and face the unknown. After that was done she could check on him. He'd be embarrassed, probably crack a joke or two and then he'd give her a much needed hug and let her cry on his shoulder whilst she ate an entire tub of Ben and Jerrys.

Picturing this evening actually helped a little. She had some fantastic friends and they would help her get through this. Squaring her shoulders she left the small room and walked down the hall towards the dining area to find it almost empty, only Pete and a few guests remained. Her stomach flipped as she stood back and watched him.

He patted the man's back, shaking his hand, "alright, thanks for coming." Finally turning to her, he walked the few steps towards her, taking her disheveled appearance and grabbed one of her hands, "hey, you alright?"

She looked up into his eyes, nodding just a little, "yes. I am sorry about that I-"

"It's okay, I was just worried about you." Silence fell between them for a while and she felt him study her, "are you sure you're alright?"

She nodded again, although she could feel the tears building, "I'm fine."

He squeezed her hand, "I've hardly seen you today, and since we can't spend the night together..."

"Pete, I think we..." she sighed again closing her eyes for a second to finalize her silent decision, "I think we should talk."

He closed his mouth and nodded at her, "okay..."

Monica walked ahead of him back down the hall where she was a little earlier. She opened the door and held it open for him to follow her inside, closing it behind him.

He stuck his hands in his pockets, standing in the middle of the room, awkwardly waiting on her to join him.

She walked over to him, looking up at him, unsure of how to start this conversation; a conversation she never thought she'd have to have. Not the night before her wedding.

He cleared his throat to break the silence, "so," he said, "did something go wrong with the rehearsal?"

Monica swallowed the lump in her throat, "no, everything went okay."

He continued to stare at her, "so you and I should go and practice, right?" Her eyes finally looked from the wall she was staring at behind him to his eyes. He held her stare for a while, neither of them moving a muscle. He finally broke the stare, pressing his lips together before he spoke again as the realization dawned on him, "unless we don't need to practice." She looked at him, her blue eyes filling with water, "do we need to practice?"

A tear rolled down Monica's cheek, and she shook her head slowly, her voice barely above a whisper, "no...I don't think so."

He sighed, lifted a hand and wiped the tear away from her face with his finger. She wanted desperately to feel sparks from the touch in some last ditch attempt. But she didn't.

"You don't love me?" he asked swallowing hard.

More tears fell from her eyes, "yes," she said, her voice cracking on almost every word, "but I don't think I love you enough for...I'm so sorry," she said miserably, "I wished I'd figured it out before all this."

He looked down at the ground, and then back up at her, it was hard to read his expression, "is there someone else?"

She shut her eyes, shaking her head, "no." More tears fell from her eyes, and she was unable to stop them now. "I'd never do that to you," she promised and he nodded, believing her, "I'm sorry," she put her hands on his chest, "I didn't mean for this to happen."

"I know," he pulled her the rest of the way to him, hugging her tightly "it's okay."

She pulled back from him, "I don't want you to hate me."

"I don't." He honestly didn't. "It sucks, of course it does but it's better to find out tonight than tomorrow night." He watched as more tears fell from eyes, so he pulled her into another hug, searching for anything he could say to make both of them feel a little better. He could yell and scream and tell her that she shouldn't have said yes in the first place, but he wasn't that kind of guy. "Monica, it's okay," he said, "I was going to tell you that we needed to postpone our honeymoon anyway, because I needed to pour myself into work after the wedding- that deal has to go through." He sighed, "I don't think that would've gone to well with you."

She forced out a chuckle, "no, not really. Messes with the schedule."

He smiled, "can't do that." He grabbed her hands, "can we date again? To see if it gets better?"

Monica stepped back from him, taking a walk through the room. Silence fell between them again, but she finally spoke, "I think," she started, "that dating again would be too awkward for me." She sighed, walking a little closer to him, "can we be friends?"

Pete finished the distance between them, shaking his head a little sadly, "that would be awkward for me." He grabbed her hand, "besides, I think you have enough friends."

She nodded and pulled him into another hug, "I'm so, so sorry, Pete." When she felt him wrap his arms behind her back, she turned to whisper in his ear, "you're going to find someone, who loves you so much that it hurts. And you deserve that."

Pete held her, closing his eyes and listening to her words. "Right back 'atcha," his voice caught.

There was an awkward moment as the enormity of the situation sunk in for both of them.

"Right," he let out a heavy breath taking a couple of steps away from her, "I guess this is actually happening."

She nodded sadly, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to keep saying that," he promised. He knew he'd lost her. With a deep breath he walked backed up to her and kissed her cheek before loosening his tie, "guess I better go break the news to people…and my parents."

Monica put her hands over her face, "oh god, I didn't even think about that."

He chuckled, patting her shoulder, "you may have it a little worse."

She smiled at that, and she watched him as he walked across the room, turning to her at the door, "bye, Monica, take care of yourself."

"Goodbye Pete." When the door closed, she fell back into the chair in the room, a feeling of relief spread throughout her.

She'd done it and it felt right. She knew she'd made the right decision.

Now she only had to tell everyone, and her Mom. _. Oy._

* * *

"Chandler!" Joey called still following him, "would you stop?!"

They had been walking through the darkening streets at a fast brutal pace. It was starting to rain slightly, the droplets hitting their hair, their faces but neither man noticed.

Chandler continued as if he hadn't heard his roommate, too caught up in his feelings of guilt and remorse. A flashing neon sign came into view, calling to him like a beacon and he'd never been more relieved to see anything in his life.

Joey rolled his eyes as he watched his friend enter the off-license; there was no doubt in his mind what the other man was after. With a sigh and a shake of his head, he hurried in, hoping he'd be able to stop him in time. He wasn't. Chandler was already handing over his money.

"What are you doing?" Joey asked, causing the man behind the till to glance at him, his eyes assessing him and the likelihood of trouble.

"What does it look like?" Chandler bit out, frustrated as he accepted his changed and stuffed it into his pants' pockets.

"You don't need cigarettes, Chandler!" Joey protested.

"I disagree," he informed him grabbing his precious purchases.

"They aren't gonna help you."

"I disagree again," he stated, turning but pointedly not looking at him.

Joey blocked his path.

"Do you mind?" he grated, grinding his teeth, his jaw clenching.

"What happened?" Joey asked, not moving. He was aware of the shopkeeper still cautiously watching them, but he didn't care. He just wanted to know what had caused Chandler to act like this.

Chandler sighed and raised his face, his eyes finally meeting Joey's, not trying to hide anything; his annoyance, his anger, his frustration and guilt over this whole sucky situation.

A tense silence filled the air as the two men studied each other.

"I kissed her," with that he pushed past his stunned friend and walked into the crisp night air.

He waited for the Italian, no longer feeling the need to run. He ripped open the cigarettes with ease, placing one to his lips and sparking up.

"You kissed her?" Joey asked surprised. "Did you tell her your feelings? Did you talk? Does she like you?"

Chandler breathed in the smoke, letting it surround him but still shook his head, frustrated.

"No," he blew the smoke into the damp air, his hands gesturing wildly, "none of that! She was crying, I hugged her and then I kissed her because I'm an idiot, a complete moron. My best friend is hurting, confused and about to marry another man and I go and do this to her."

Joey frowned watching the agitated man as he paced, lifting the cigarette to inhale more of the poison.

"How did she react?" he asked.

Phoebe had filled him in about Monica's doubts but doubts over Pete didn't mean anything regarding how she felt about Chandler.

"How do you think?" he snapped. "She couldn't believe that I basically stuck my tongue down her throat."

His friend shook his head, "I'm sure she didn't think that."

"You didn't see the look on her face," he cringed just thinking about it, "she was counting on me and I..." he slammed his eyes shut, he didn't want to talk about this anymore.

Joey waited a while and ran a hand through his wet hair, the droplets of water flying everywhere, "where is she?"

Chandler was taking a long draw from his cigarette, "probably trying to forget how I just screwed everything up for her."

Joey shook his head, "I'm sure that if you tell her how you feel about her, she may be excited, may want start this new thing with you."

He scoffed in reply, "what? The thing where when she needs a friend I go in there and kiss her? She's going to tell Pete what I did and he's..."

"Hey!" Joey cut him off, causing Chandler to look up at him, "nothing is gonna happen to you, not while I'm around." He felt the need to look around and make sure Pete wasn't actually around to hear that. He looked at Chandler again, "I still think you should tell her how you feel."

Chandler pulled another white stick of tobacco out of the box from his pocket, lighting it up and taking another long draw. Joey rolled his eyes, "great. Chain smoking is something you need right now."

"I don't need a lecture." Chandler spat back to him. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

Joey wondered if his feet were starting to hurt for the walking back and forth, "so what are you going to do?"

Chandler shook his head, "I don't know. I feel like I need to go to Timbuktu and never see her again," he didn't even like saying that. Even after everything that happened just a little while ago, he couldn't imagine not ever seeing that beautiful face again. "I can't believe I hurt her."

Joey furrowed his eyebrows, "you didn't hurt her. You just kissed her. And what's a kiss between friends? I've kissed Phoebe."

"But you're not in love with Phoebe. You guys are just really close. The way Monica and I used to be, and now I've ruined that."

Joey gave him a skeptical look again, "dude, I don't think you've ruined the friendship over one kiss."

Chandler finally sat down on the curb, "If I tell her that I'm in love with her and she laughs in my face because it's the most ridiculous thing she's ever heard, she will always remember that I kissed her on the day before her wedding. And not only that, because I've just embarrassed the hell out of myself, she probably won't come to hang out with me or want any advice or anything to do with me, so now I've also lost my best friend." He put the cigarette between his lips, closing his eyes at the relief it seemed to get him.

Joey was silent. He didn't know what he could say. "I'm sorry, man."

Chandler blew out a puff of smoke, "I don't think I can go tomorrow."

Joey's eyes grew big, "no, you should go. Or at least wait and see how you feel in the morning." Joey insisted, still hopeful that there might not even be a wedding taking place.

His roommate just shook his head, "they are both gonna hate me. She's gonna tell the girls and they'll hate me. Rachel will tell Ross and he'll hate me for hitting on his baby sister."

He let out a painful, heavy sigh, taking another draw. He looked like he was deflating in front of Joey's eyes. He inhaled the cigarette as if his life depended on it. Letting the nicotine do it's job.

"Everything's such a mess," Chandler declared quietly, "I've ruined everything. Why couldn't I just hold it in for one more day? Why am I such an idiot?"

He met Joey's concerned gaze, his blue eyes filled with sadness and self-loathing.

"I need to go home," Chandler decided.

"What?" Joey asked surprised, "you can't just leave things up in the air like that. Besides, the rehearsal isn't supposed to be over yet. You can't just leave."

Chandler made a point of looking around. "You know it's funny, I think I already have!"

Joey rolled his eyes in annoyance, "you've got to come back with me."

"Why?" he asked, "seriously, what's the point? Monica won't want to see me, Pete and Ross will want to kill me."

"Chandler…"

"Look," he sighed, throwing the cigarette onto the ground and stamping it out with his foot, "I've already made this night hard for her, probably ruined a good friendship, the least I could do now is leave her alone. Give her some time with Pete, make it slightly easier on her. It won't make up for anything but at least it's a start."

"Shouldn't you let her make that choice?" Joey asked, "what if she wants to speak to you, what if she's worried about you and you just run away?"

Chandler swallowed, shaking his head, denying his friend's words, "she won't be worried about me, Joe," he sighed, closing his eyes, his hands massaging his head in a vain attempt to fight off the approaching headache. "She's got more important things on her mind."

"You kissed her," he pointed out unnecessarily, "don't you think that's on her mind?"

"No," he shook his head. It had been an amazing kiss, so passionate and everything he'd ever dreamed of with her, but he doubted she felt the same. She'd pushed him away even. "Her wedding is on her mind right now and that's the important thing. It's a big decision and no matter what she decides, she's not gonna forgive me for what I did."

"She will," Joey promised, "especially when you tell her your reasons; she'll understand."

He squeezed his eyes shut against the flutter of hope in his chest at Joey's words. He couldn't listen to them. Couldn't allow false hope into his already battered heart, because Joey didn't know. He hadn't been there, hadn't seen that look. He appreciated the sentiment and the attempt to comfort him, he really did, but it didn't change anything.

"Are you at least going to walk me back?" Joey asked looking around. "I was following you and don't have a clue where we are."

That actually brought a small smile to Chandler's otherwise regretful face, "I'll, uh, point you in the right direction," he promised, reaching into the pack for another smoke.

He lit it easily, it was like an instinct as he inhaled again before he started walking at a much slower pace back towards the hall where he'd ruined everything…

* * *

A/N: See we didn't make you guys wait too long. Thanks again for all the reviews. We're glad that despite what we are putting Mondler and you through you're sticking with it! Feedback always appreciated.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N - hey guys, thanks again for the amazing reviews! This is a short post as Chapter 13 is proving to be unlucky (total cliché, right) and we're reworking it. So, we decided to split it into two so you have the first part to read and we'll post the second bit as soon as it behaves itself ;)

* * *

"Monica," she cringed at the voice behind her and slowly turned to face her mother.

Phoebe and Rachel had agreed to tell the other guests so she could stay hiding in the backroom. She wasn't looking forward to facing her mom, but she had little choice. She just had to get through this conversation and then she could go home and recover with her friends.

"Hi," she said softly, glad that most of her tears had gone now, "I, uh, I guess you've heard?" she swallowed. Part of her still couldn't believe this was actually happening; that she was cancelling her dream wedding. Was she going to wake up and find this all just a nightmare?

"I did," she said, walking further into the room, looking around it critically, "Rachel told me, she also said you wanted to see me?"

Monica nodded, squeezing her eyes shut against fresh tears, wishing she had drunk more wine at dinner, "I'm sorry," she finally told her quietly, "I'm sorry that I've let you and dad down but-"

"Let us down?" her mom frowned, stepping closer and taking the seat next to her. She took one of her hands in hers, hating seeing her daughter in so much distress, "Why on earth would you think you're letting us down?"

"Because," she sniffed, confused, "I was meant to be getting married tomorrow, you were both so proud and now I've cancelled it and-"

"Monica," she soothed, bringing a hand to stroke comforting through her daughter's hair, before tucking it behind her ear, "your father and I will always be proud of you, sweetheart," she promised, as Monica looked surprised jerking up to meet her eyes.

"Really?"

"Yes really," Judy swallowed, hurt that she didn't already know that. "We love you and I'm proud that you were brave enough to cancel this tonight."

"Really?" she repeated, more tears rolling down her cheek, "you aren't mad? I haven't embarrassed you? You don't think I've thrown away my only chance at happiness?"

"Of course not, darling," she squeezed her hand. "If it didn't feel right then you've done the right thing. You can only get married if you truly love the person 100% and we'd never want to see you in an unhappy marriage. It was hard enough watching your brother go through it, we'd never wish it on you. I love your father with all my heart; we've had many marvelous years together and I want you to have a marriage like ours. One you will cherish and be grateful for…you won't get that with the wrong man."

Monica let out a breath that sounded like a strange laugh, "thank you," she smiled, "I didn't think you'd make it this easy for me."

"You're my only daughter," Judy pointed out, "I know I'm a little critical at times but it's only because I want the best for you, we both do. Your dad wouldn't want to give you away to the wrong man," Monica nodded gratefully, "besides," she continued with a smile, "it's cost us nothing."

Monica chuckled and allowed her mom to pull her into a hug. She felt the older woman press a kiss onto the top of her head and she closed her eyes. They may not have the best mother-daughter relationship, but when it worked, it was everything they needed it to be.

* * *

"Hey," a soggy Joey greeted as he walked into the rapidly emptying hall, spotting his three friends sat at the cleared table.

They didn't look the happiest bunch.

"Where the hell have you been?" Rachel asked him, screwing up her nose as she took in his appearance.

"Yeah, you like missed _everything_ ," Phoebe retorted, "they've called off the wedding."

"What?" Joey asked, obviously pleased as he pulled up a chair. "That's great news!"

"How is that great news?" Ross asked clearly annoyed.

"She, uh, was having doubts right?" he clarified realizing that Ross probably didn't know about the whole Chandler crush thing. "So it's good that she broke it off."

"How did _you_ know she was having doubts?" Ross frowned. "I'm her own brother, why was I the only one not to know?"

"How's Chandler?" Phoebe asked ignoring Ross.

"He's, uh, not feeling so good," he said, widening his eyes to try and communicate what he meant. "He's gone home."

"What's going on?" Ross asked, irritated at the secret looks crossing the table. "Come on, tell me."

Everyone stayed silent.

"Tell me!" he whined.

"Fine," Rachel sighed, it's not like anything ever stayed secret in this group anyway. "Chandler's in love with Monica."

"W-what?" Ross frowned, "since when?"

Rachel didn't know the answer so turned to Joey, who picked up the story telling, "for a while," he shrugged a little, "he didn't want to tell any of us, didn't want to complicate things." Even he could see the irony in this situation.

"So did she call off the wedding because she likes Chandler?" Ross asked as the others shook their heads.

"No," Phoebe said. "She decided she didn't love Pete enough to marry him. She doesn't even know about Chandler...does she?" she turned to Joey. "Chandler left in hurry, did he tell her?"

"God, I hope he didn't," Rachel sighed, "she's got enough on her plate…" she took in Joey's grimace. "What?"

"He kissed her," he confessed, wincing at the other's reactions, "he didn't mean to, it just happened and now he's doing a massive guilt trip over it. So Monica didn't say anything about it?"

"No," Rachel shook her head, "she's was too busy focussing on...well, this," she gestured around the room. "This is crazy."

"Not as crazy as Chandler being in love with my sister," Ross said, standing from the table.

"So, if didn't Monica tell us about the kiss, does that mean she doesn't feel the same way about Chandler?" Phoebe wondered.

Rachel shrugged a shoulder, "Chandler and Monica. Wow, that's weird."

"I'm not sure they're 'Chandler and Monica' yet, are they?" Ross asked.

"They have always been that." Phoebe pointed out, "just because one of them finally admitted it doesn't change anything." Her three friends around the table looked at her, "oh please, like you haven't noticed it. Maybe you pretended to be blind to it for the last year because she had Pete, but they have always been like this," she held up her hand with her index and middle finger wrapped together.

"So, where is Monica now?" Ross asked, breaking the silence that fell around them.

"I'm not sure. She was in that room, but she wasn't in there a little while ago," Rachel started, "did Pete leave?"

Ross nodded, loosening his tie, "yeah, I saw him go."

Joey sighed, "okay, I'm gonna go home and check on Chandler. Somebody should put eyes on Monica."

Rachel stood up and nodded, "I am going to the liquor store."

"You think Monica is at the liquor store?" Joey asked confused.

"No, she's probably at home, but when I get to her, I am going to need _lots_ of liquor to get us through tonight."

Phoebe stood as well, "oh! Yes! Alcohol! Rachel Karen Green, you are my hero! I'll come with you."

* * *

Monica stood at her apartment door, biting what was left of her thumb nail, wondering what she was going to say to her friends on the other side. She knew they knew about the wedding being called off, but she really didn't want to go in and have to explain her reasoning, explain what happened. She turned, heading back down the stairs.

Fresh air, that was what she craved. She tightened the coat that was around her as the cooler dusk air hit her arms. Thunder rumbled over her and she looked up at the sky, figuring she had enough time to get at least a quick walk in before the storm started.

Monica crossed the street, heading to the park. She groaned when it began sprinkling rain, but otherwise ignored it. She was pretty sure she couldn't look worse than she already did - at least the rain would help explain the smudged mascara. She took a left, walking deeper into the park. She crossed her arms as she walked when the rain began to fall quicker, soaking her clothes.

The park was deserted, quiet, just what she needed. She squinted her eyes, surprised to see it wasn't completely empty; there was a lone figure sitting on the bench ahead on her path. She briefly wondered who would be out here in the rain, in the dark, by himself, but then remembered that she was out here in the rain and the dark and by herself. Maybe they had cancelled their wedding too.

With a sigh she put her head down as she got closer to him, not wanting to bother him or make eye contact. She glanced up one more time when she got close enough to see the man, and stopped dead in her tracks when she looked at his face. He was sitting with his head down, staring at the ground, his hands tangled up in his hair.

"Chandler?"

* * *

TBC..

All feedback appreciated! Thanks.


	14. Chapter 14

"Chandler?" She repeated softly, causing his wide eyes to snap up to her, "what are you doing out here?" His mouth flopped open and closed a few times like a fish. He was unable to come up with something to say before she spoke again, "it's raining," she started, "you're going to get sick."

He felt the need to point out that she, too, was out in the rain and cold and she would also get sick, but he fought that urge, "I um, wanted to get some air." His gut clenched and he pressed his lips together as she sat down beside him. He willed himself to look over at her and he cringed when he saw water on her face, wondering if it was tears or if it was the rain. He swallowed, forcing himself to stay seated, deciding that standing and running away from her as fast as he possibly could wouldn't help things at all; he'd already done that once tonight. "I'm so, so sorry Monica."

She looked at him, remembering how fast he left after they kissed.

She attributed the goose bumps that formed all over her body to the sprinkling rain and not because she started thinking about the kiss with him.

"Chandler, you don't need to apologize."

He nodded quickly, "yes, I do. It wasn't appropriate, I had no right to-"

"It's okay." She reached over and grabbed one of his hands, and he felt a spark run through him again, one not dampened by the rain. "Really, it's okay."

He watched as her thumb caressed his hand. It was both comforting and thrilling; just like any touch from her always was.

"I don't want you to hate me," he said honestly, "I shouldn't have done that."

"I don't hate you," she replied, and he finally met her eyes. She chuckled dryly, "You're my best friend. I could never hate you."

"You needed me to be a friend," he explained, "not to take advantage of you," he scrubbed his free hand through his wet hair, making it stick up in all sorts of ways. "I'm the worst person in the world right now."

"Chandler…"

"Pete is going to kill me when he finds out."

"Chandler…" she tried again.

He dropped her hand and turned to her a little more, interrupting her again, shaking his head to show he wasn't finished, "Pete will hate me, Ross will hate me...so, for that reason," he stopped. It was so hard for him to say this, but he knew he had to do this. He had no choice even if it was going to kill him, "I think I should stay away from you, keep my distance for a while."

Her breathing sped up as she frowned, caught completely off guard, "what? No."

"Monica, I can't…" he stopped, letting out a breath he'd been holding in.

She furrowed her eyebrows together, "you can't what?"

See you kissing him. See him touching you. Listen to the secret laughter and giggles as they enjoyed being a happy newly wed couple. He pressed his lips together, stopping himself from saying the words that were just behind his lips, "I can't be the guy that kissed you the night before your wedding," he said softly, "I just need to stay away for a while so you and Pete can start your life together the right way."

"No!" She said again, her voice a little louder, "Chandler, it was just a kiss. This is crazy! It's not like you ripped my clothes off, threw me on a bed and had sex with me."

He tried to ignore the mental image in his head; more proof that he couldn't be around her and stay sane. "To Pete, I'm sure it'll be just like we had sex." He stood from the bench and ran his hands through his soaking wet hair, the droplets flying everywhere. The rain had now stopped, but thunder still rumbled above them. "If it was me that was marrying you tomorrow, and if it was me that found out your guy friend had kissed you the night before my wedding, I'd pound me into the ground."

He couldn't take the stress anymore, so he pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, sticking it between his lips. "Chandler," she stood as he searched for his lighter and pulled the tobacco back out of his mouth, throwing it somewhere in the wet grass behind them, "I hate it when you smoke, and it doesn't matter what Pete would have done... I didn't tell him."

He sighed, shaking his head, it made no difference, "but you are going to tell him. I know you, Mon, and I know you won't start a marriage by not telling him something like this."

She sat down on the bench again, groaning. This conversation was giving her a headache. She used the elastic hair tie around her wrist to pull her wet hair off of her neck. "It was just a kiss, Chandler. Will you please, please drop it? You're not going to stay away from me, that's crazy, besides we're not...I mean..."

She paused, taking a breath to try and find the words to tell him her decision regarding the wedding but he cut her off.

"You say that now," he swallowed, pacing, "But if you knew everything…" he trailed off, his hands were shaking and frustrated he turned them into fists stuffing them into his wet jacket pockets.

"What everything?" she asked confused, she could tell she was missing something but her brain was too exhausted to try and work it out. He just shook his head. "Chandler, tell me, what's going on?"

He was clearly having an argument with himself but eventually he shook his head, "no, forget about it. I can't tell you, you'd hate me. I -" shaking his head again he grabbed out the box of cigarettes.

She frowned at both his actions and his words. She remained silent though as he lit it and inhaled. If it was going to calm him down then she'd let him have this one. She waited as he took several slow puffs, closing his eyes as the nicotine obviously did it's job.

"I don't understand," she eventually said, almost calmly, "what freaked you out so much about a kiss? What don't I know?"

He looked pained again, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand.

"Chandler," she pleaded quietly, finally standing up. Her hand touched his arm briefly, ignoring the unpleasant feel of the soaked material under her fingers. "Please, talk to me. Earlier, when I was so confused and upset, you were there for me. You listened to me, held me, you-"

"Took advantage of you?"

Monica took an involuntary step back from him, "what?" Her blue eyes met his, "you didn't take advantage of me."

"You're getting married tomorrow," He stared at her, unsure of how else to explain his reasons. She slowly shook her head, their eyes never leaving each other's.

She finally looked at the ground, taking a deep breath, "I'm not getting married tomorrow," she eventually said to his shoes.

He blew out a long puff of smoke, "what?"

She looked at him again, pressing her lips together before speaking, "I called off the wedding," she said softly, as if there were people all around them.

He stared at her, shocked. He was sure what she just said was a part of his vivid imagination, and not what she actually said.

There was a long, awkward moment of silence between them. Chandler finally recovered enough to where he could form words, "you wh-" he swallowed, "you did what?"

Her eyes met his, and his heart pinged when he saw the tears forming there. She spoke softly, almost whispering, "you were right. I couldn't marry him if I didn't love him," she shrugged a shoulder, "I didn't...not enough to be his wife."

One of the tears finally left her eyes to roll down her cheek. He didn't know what to say, so he pulled the cigarette out from between his lips and let it fall to the ground, stepping on it, "come here," he said softly. He pulled her into a hug, the need to touch her too great. He brought his hand up to the back of her head as she wrapped her arms around him.

"You didn't take advantage of me," she said, "I don't want you to think that."

He shut his eyes as he held her, the want to tilt her head up and kiss her again so hard to resist, "are you alright?"

She nodded into his chest, "I will be," she sighed, "I just need my friends right now." He slammed his eyes shut again.

Friends.

He squeezed her tightly for another second before pulling back, but she kept her hands on his forearms, "Mon I think I-" he tried to moisten his dry mouth as he heart started to thunder in his chest, "I think I need to tell you something."

The rain had started again, the drops bigger and quicker falling from the sky but neither made any attempt to move or seek shelter.

"What is it?" She asked and when he took a step back from her, she chased him, grabbing his hands, "what's wrong? Tell me."

He looked into her beautiful eyes, sighing deeply. Joey's earlier advice still ringing in his ears. Tell her. Should he? If he ran now he knew he'd never have the courage to start this conversation again. He had to do this, he had no choice. He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to ignore the shaking of his hands, "I love you." He looked at the ground quickly, worried how she would react.

She furrowed her eyebrows together, "I know, I love you too."

Her response was so off of the mark that he let out a dry chuckle, but he refused to back out now, "no, ah, that's not what I mean," he sighed, changing his answer, this was hard, "I mean I do love you in a sense that you're my best friend and I love you for that. But that's not what I was trying to say."

Her forehead crinkled more, "what are you talking about?"

He took in a shaky breath, staring into her eyes, it felt like something from a movie, "I'm in love with you, Monica."

The rain was harder now, soaking them all over again. It was silent for a moment as they stared at each other. His heart rate increased as he waited in tense anticipation for her reaction. He didn't have to wait long as the pieces started to click in her overworked brain.

She let go of his hands, staring at him, "you're what?"

He sighed, missing the contact already as his heart sunk to his stomach. Oh God what had he done? He knew she heard him, and repeating it now seemed silly, so he just waited, ducking his head as he tried to prepare his heart for the imminent rejection; his stomach twisting in knots.

"Oh my god," she finally said, falling down on the bench again in shock, wiping the wetness from her face.

Cringing, he stuck his hands in his pockets and tried to regulate his breathing without success. He looked at the empty space next to her on the bench, wanting to sit and try and explain himself, to do anything to fix this disaster.

He finally made the decision and let out a ragged breath he'd been holding in, moving to sit down beside her, "Monica I-"

He couldn't even finish his sentence before she'd stood up, walking quickly down the sidewalk. Muttering under his breath he stood up to chase her, but she turned around to him quickly to make him stop, "don't."

She started to walk again, but he grabbed her hand gently, "wait," he pleaded, "please can we-"

"Chandler, let me go." She pulled her arm away from him, walking backwards, "I can't do this right now, I can't-." She shook her head panicked and turned back around. He followed her as she walked at a fast pace, almost jogging.

"Forget I said anything," Chandler pleaded to the back of her head, "It doesn't matter".

She turned towards him, a few strands had escaped her ponytail sticking to her, her mascara and eyeliner running down her face, "I can't deal with this!" She yelled at him. She couldn't. She'd had the most emotionally charged day of her life. She was all over the place and she couldn't add something as big as this to it; her brain couldn't even begin to contemplate it. It was too huge.

"You told me to tell you, so I told you," he yelled back over the pouring rain, and she took off again, walking down the sidewalk quickly, "Monica, please stop and listen to me for one second, please?" He was desperate to sort this out.

She paused and he caught caught her up easily. He resisted the urge to touch her, to pull her into a hug to try and take away all her pain. She finally looked up at him, her eyes a window into the turmoil she was experiencing. He swallowed, hoping he was masking his pain better than she was.

.

"Is that why you kissed me?" her voice was hard, but the confusion and hurt could still be clearly heard. "You kissed me the day before I was supposed to get married and tell me you're in love with me? Did you think I was going to swoon over you and say that I loved you too and just leave Pete and we'd go off into the sunset together and live happily ever after?"

He stayed silent for a moment too long and she shook her head, starting to take a step away.

"I wasn't going to tell you at all!" he finally admitted loudly, causing her to turn again and look at him, "I wasn't going to tell you at all." He repeated, "I was not going to ruin your marriage or our friendship." He swallowed, wiping the rain from his face, "And it's not going to ruin anything now. If you want, I'll never say anything about it again. Everything will be back to normal. Please Monica, can we -"

Monica sighed, right now she felt like her life was never going to be normal again. Her head and heart hurt more than she ever remembered and she was so overwhelmingly confused.

"Just leave me alone," she said quietly, she didn't want to hurt him but she just couldn't deal with this, it was too much for her. Swallowing she walked away from him, not looking back, leaving him standing there, his heart in a million pieces.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, knowing she was too far away to hear him. "I'm so sorry."

He swallowed hard, the pain crashing through him so violently he could barely stand it. What had he done? Idiot. As if he hadn't already dumped enough crap on her today. How had he expected her to react? Damn it, why had he told her? He wished he could go back in time and just reverse the last hour of his life.

Annoyed at his stupidity, he kicked out at a random stone, watching as it tumbled and came to a stop. It wasn't enough. Soaked to the core he continued his walk, his thoughts filled with self-loathing criticisms and in his heart a new pain. The pain that anyone that had ever suffered unrequited love would know. The pain of having dreamt of telling that person your feelings for so long, secretly holding onto that little bit of hope they might reciprocate. Then the moment you've been waiting for actually comes, you show your cards, lay your heart bare... and your worse fears become reality.

Before his ill-received confession he'd told her he needed to cut her out of his life. Ironically, it would probably be her cutting him out.

He let out a growl of frustration as he collapsed back onto the bench. The heavens had well and truly opened. Rain continued to pour down showing no mercy as thunder crackled in the sky around him.

What was he gonna do?

* * *

A/N- and the rollercoaster ride continues. Come on- you didn't think we'd make it that easy did you? Still many many chapters to come. Thanks again for all the reviews, each is very very much appreciated.


	15. Chapter 15

Monica stood outside her apartment for the second time that night and just stared at the green door, almost in a trance. She felt even more confused than she had an hour ago...was it really just an hour ago? Her head was pounding her mind hurting from all the confusion.

With a resigned sigh she finally turned the handle, pushing it open to see who waited for her the other side.

"Monica?" Rachel jumped up, running over to her, ""What happened to you? You're soaking! Where have you been?"

"Oh," she looked down at herself as if only just noticing. "I went for a walk. I got wet."

"Yeaaaah," we can see that Rachel frowned, taking her hand and guiding her into the apartment and onto a kitchen chair.

"Do you want something to drink?" Phoebe asked, "we bought all kinds of liquor."

"No thanks," she shook her head, knowing that getting drunk really wouldn't help anything. "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," Rachel frowned at her. "What happened? I mean, I know you've gone through a lot tonight but you seemed ok with it earlier."

"Things change," she murmured, focussing her gaze on her hands where they rested on the table.

Phoebe and Rachel shared a concerned look behind her back.

"Mon," Rachel tried, "talk to us, what happened?"

Her eyes turned to Rachel, and then to Phoebe and she shook her head as tears started to come to her eyes. God, she hated crying and couldn't remember the last time she'd cried so much, "everything," she finally admitted, "last week I was happy, I had a fiancé and a future and now it's all gone wrong. Everything's so messed up."

"You made the right choice," Rachel reassured her, "you couldn't marry him, it might hurt now but the fact you did the right thing will bring you some comfort, I promise and you have all your friends here to look after you." Monica shook her head as if not believing her and Rachel continued passionately, "we all love you Monica, so much and-"

"That's the problem," she protested, gratefully accepting a tissue from Phoebe.

Rachel waited, stroking her friend's arm, puzzled, but trying to remain patient.

"What's the problem?" Phoebe finally probed.

Monica studied the table in front of her, her fingers scrunching up the tissue. Should she tell them? They were her girlfriends, she told them everything but this wasn't her secret, was it? Although it did involve her now. He'd involved her, so surely that gave her the right to tell her friends? To seek their support. She needed them right now, desperately.

"Chandler's in love with me," she finally admitted quietly.

The girls exchanged a confused glance.

"How did you find out?" Phoebe asked, "I thought he just kissed you?"

"He told me," she said quietly, not surprised that the others already knew about their kiss. "And I didn't take it well, I said some things to him that I shouldn't but I just," fresh tears escaped, "why is he doing this now?" she asked them, a hint of desperation in her voice. "Why did he have to chose tonight to tell me? Doesn't he think I've got enough on my plate? I just literally broke up with my fiancé less than 3 hours ago, I can't just jump into a relationship with him. Why couldn't he just have waited?"

The girls exchanged another look.

"So...do you want a relationship with him?" Rachel frowned, remembering what Phoebe had said earlier.

"I don't know!" Monica confessed, her watery eyes meeting her roommates, "I've got so much flying around my brain that if I think about Chandler it's gonna burst!"

"Ok, ok," Phoebe soothed her, "look Monica, why don't you go and get out of those wet clothes, take a hot bath and try to relax a little. We'll make some hot chocolate and we can have a girly evening, talk or watch movies or do whatever you want, ok?"

She smiled a little, grateful they were there with her during this time of unsettled madness, "thank you," she nodded, "I'd like that."

They watched as she stood up and shuffled towards the bathroom. Silently, Phoebe started to mop up the water as Rachel went to fetch a variety of blankets and check their ice cream supplies. They were gonna get her through this. They just hoped Joey could do the same for Chandler.

* * *

The door to apartment 19 slammed closed and Joey spun around to face his roommate.

"There you are!" He said relieved, but still a little worked up, "Where have you been? You said you were going home ages ago! What happened?"

"What happened?" he snapped, his frustration and anger hadn't dampened despite the weather, "I took your damn advice that's what happened!"

"What are you talking about?" Joey's eyebrows knitted together as he watched Chandler shrug out of his soaking wet jacket.

"You told me to tell her," he poked a finger into his roommate's chest, none too gently.

"Who?"

"Monica!" he exploded, not believing that Joey could have already forgotten their conversation. "You told me to talk to her and guess what? Now she hates me! She wants nothing more to do with me. I ruined everything I ever had with her because of your stupid advice!"

Chandler practically stomped into his bedroom, slamming both halves of the door. He knew he was being unfair to Joey. It wasn't his fault, not at all. But he was angry and felt the need to lash out, hoping it would make him feel better. It didn't, it made him feel even worse.

"I was trying to help!" he heard the Italian yell through his door, and he leant his head against it a moment trying to calm himself.

Slowly he pushed open the top half of the door, able to see his roommate standing on the other side.

"I'm sorry," Chandler said softly, completely deflating as he ran a hand through his soaking hair. "It's not your fault, Joey, ok, it's mine; it's all on me."

"Chandler-"

He shook his head, too upset, too everything to talk about this, "look," he interrupted him, "I'm not great company tonight, so can you just leave me alone?"

Joey met his pained eyes and swallowed, nodding hesitantly, "ok," he finally agreed much to Chandler's relief, "but if you change your mind, I'm here, ok?"

"Sure," Chandler nodded, closing the top section and leaning his head back, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He stripped out of his wet clothes, leaving them in a pile on his floor as he slipped on his comfortable sweats and t-shirt. He opened the window, really not caring if he got hypothermia right now as he grabbed his cigarettes and lighter and collapsed back onto his bed. He stared at the nondescript ceiling, trying to clear his mind. Trying to push all the feelings back into that little box at the back of his brain; trying to contain them so he wouldn't have to deal with them.

By tomorrow he had to have a grip on them and be wearing a new mask. One that could get him through another conversation with Monica. One where he could deny what he'd said. Take back his declaration of love and play it down as a little crush that he was already getting over. Apologize profusely at the timing and for upsetting her. And pray that it would be enough that she'd want to be friends again.

It was all about damage control.

He wanted her in his life, however she'd have him. She was such an amazing person and he didn't know if he'd be able to survive without her friendship. It was meant too much to him.

He couldn't take back what had happened, but he just prayed he that he could do enough lying in order to fix it.

A long night of wallowing and preparation lay ahead of him.

* * *

Monica grabbed her blanket and shuffled out of her bedroom. It was still the middle of the night, but she couldn't sleep. So many thoughts were flying around her head. She was certain she'd made the right choice about Pete. It still felt strange, surreal almost, but she was comfortable with not getting married tomorrow or continuing her relationship with the millionaire. She was at peace at that decision.

The bigger questions bombarding her brain now were all focussed on the bombshell Chandler had dropped on her tonight. He was in love with her? Since when? Her confused mind had started working backwards, trying to find any evidence of what he said to be true. She remembered his demeanor changing as the wedding approached. That every smile and laugh seemed that little bit more forced. Was that because he was hurting over the wedding? Had he really been prepared to stand back and let her marry Pete, despite his own unhappiness?

If so he really didn't deserve her anger earlier. Her mind kept playing images of his crestfallen face.

It was no good. She needed answers. Now.

Phoebe was asleep on the couch and Monica crept passed her quietly and out of the apartment. She eyed up the boys' door and took a deep breath before trying the handle; grateful when it opened easily.

She slipped in, closing the door behind her. Their apartment was dark and still and she briefly wondered if she was doing the right thing. Could it wait until morning? She glanced at the boys' clock the large red digits informing her it was just past two am. She couldn't survive another 5 hours alone, playing their conversation around in her head; she'd go crazy. Besides, she suspected he wouldn't be asleep.

Decision made, she made her way through their living room and gingerly pushed open his door. The silhouette on the bed turned to her instantly, sleep obviously eluding him as well. Moments later a bedside lamp was switched on, flooding the room with artificial lighting, causing her to wince and shield her eyes.

"Monica?" he asked surprised, unsure if he was dreaming.

"Can we talk?" she asked and he instantly nodded, getting up from the bed.

Wordlessly, he followed her into the living room, the light from his bedroom casting an eerie glow into the room. He could see her face in the shadows but he couldn't determine her expression and that worried him. He hadn't had time to practice what he was going to say, he was still vulnerable and he didn't want to be having this conversation now; but if she wanted it now then he had no choice. He deserved to give her this much.

"Want me to make some tea?" he asked quietly and she nodded, settling herself on one of the barstools watching him.

He boiled the kettle, sorting out the cups and tea bags, praying that she'd throw him some sort of clue to what she was thinking. The kettle boiled and he decanted it, adding the milk and sugars exactly how he knew she liked it. He handed it silently to her, catching his breath as their fingers brushed.

She took the hot drink, wrapping her hands around the mug and blowing on it gently before raising it to her lips. He realized that she wasn't going to start, so he had to, unfortunately.

He cleared his throat, unable to come up with anything but the obvious, "I'm sorry," he finally said, his tone hushed given the lateness of the hour. "I really am. I didn't mean...well, for any of this."

"I'm sorry too," she raised her eyes, meeting his briefly before focussing on the counter again, needing to get to the point, "you're in love with me?"

He closed his eyes tightly, trying to find the power to lie to her, "I-"

"The truth, Chandler," she insisted softly, "please, I can't deal with anything other than the truth right now."

He sighed and nodded gravely. He just prayed beyond hope that their friendship could survive this.

"Yes," he confessed as a mere whisper, "yes, I am."

She let out a heavy pained sigh and he winced, it probably wasn't the answer she'd hoped for, but she'd wanted the truth and that's all he could give her now.

"Since when?"

"I, uh, I dunno," he muttered, not really comfortable talking about this with her. "A while, I guess."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" she asked one of the main questions that were plaguing her, "Why now?"

"I'm sorry," he said quietly into his tea.

She shook her head, "I'm not after an apology, I just want to be able to understand. Get my head around all this," a hand left her warm cup to gesture between them.

"By the time I figured out it was more than just a crush, you were pretty serious with Pete," he admitted, swallowing the lump in his throat as his fingers played with his cup, his eyes fixed on anything but her, "I realized it was too late and I didn't want to ruin what you guys had. Besides, you were happy and Pete was a nice guy," he shrugged awkwardly, "I had no right to tell you."

Monica slowly digested this new information. So he had been willing to sacrifice his happiness, "this wedding stuff must have really been hurting you," she mused softly.

He nodded gently, "it's hardly been a picnic," he sighed. "I didn't mean for you to get hurt because of it."

"I didn't mean to hurt you either," she admitted, "all the wedding talk and planning, it's all I've talked about for months. I never realized...it must have been killing you."

Her hand reached out and settled on his bare arm, both looked down at it, surprised.

"I'll get over it," he promised quietly, "I'm just so sorry I told you this today. You were coping with enough and-"

"What do you mean you'll get over it?" she interrupted him, her eyes met his again through the darkness.

He studied her worried face, "I mean I don't want our friendship to be messed up because of this." He sighed, "I'll get over it and I'll be normal again. I need you in my life whether it's a friendship or something else, more than you know. I don't want you to hate me or be weird around me, I couldn't live with that."

"I could never hate you," she said quietly, "you mean a lot to me too, you know."

The corner of his mouth pulled upwards at that, "I just hate that I poured this on you today-"

"It's ok," she said, her hand stroking his arm gently, "I, uh, I think I understand."

"You do?" he asked, surprised, and his blue eyes shot up to meet hers. Both filled with pain and guilt.

"Yeah," she nodded, "I get you weren't trying to screw with me, that it's something that just came out because you'd been trying to suppress it so long."

"Yes!" he said, excited and surprised that she really did understand. "I wasn't going to tell you! It just happened, and I'm so so sorry you got hurt by it."

"You're hurting too," she reminded him kindly.

Her mind had enough answers for now, had his motives and understood them. That was enough for tonight.

"I better go," she murmured, finishing her tea and standing up.

He nodded, still fearful he'd lost her. He tried to stop his mind from thinking about what he would do if she wasn't in his life anymore, but he couldn't. She could see that in his eyes and stepped up to him, into his personal space.

"We're ok, Chandler," she promised softly, staring into his eyes, "we're gonna be just fine, okay?"

The fear in his eyes diminished somewhat and he nodded gratefully, needing to cling onto the hope that their friendship still had its foundations intact. That they could get through this together.

"Ok," he whispered, desperate to believe her.

"Come here," she whispered, pulling on him for a hug.

He sighed gratefully, wrapping his arms around her, closing his eyes and borrowing his face in her neck, her hair. They clung to each other for a long while, basking in the comfort that only each other could provide.

Eventually, Monica pulled away, leaving her hands resting on his warm chest for a moment before she looked up at him again and caught her breath. Memories of their embrace earlier that suddenly on her mind. She swallowed remembering what had happened after that hug, that amazing kiss. How soft his lips had been and what a good kisser he was. Alarm bells were starting to go off in her head at the same time butterflies started in her stomach, but she didn't care. She felt it was the right thing to do. Listening to her instinct, she stood on her tiptoes, leaned forward, and pressed her lips to his.

It was a tender, reassuring kiss. Lips caressed lips gently at first, both scared as to what they were doing. Chandler tried to let her set the pace, telling himself she was confused and that he shouldn't take advantage. She paused, her lips open against his as she took in some deep breaths before pressing against him harder, as if drawn to him.

The kiss deepened and he felt her arms wrap around his neck, her fingers threading through his head and scraping his scalp lightly. He groaned, shivers running through him as his arms slipped around her petite waist, pulling her up against him as he stumbled backwards, his hip hitting the kitchen counter. She pressed her body closer to his as their tongues explored and they couldn't get enough of each other. Monica felt her knees weakening, glad that Chandler was holding her up. Her lungs were burning desperate for air and reluctantly she pulled away.

She was breathing heavily as Chandler continued to hold her tightly against him, eventually resting his forehead against hers as he too tried to calm his breathing.

"Chan-"

"Shhh," he silenced her, pulling away just enough to rest a finger against her lips as his eyes intently studied hers, "shh."

He wasn't interested in explanations or apologies tonight. He didn't want anything to spoil what they had just shared. After all the pain and heartache he'd suffered through, he just wanted to savor it, just for tonight. He wanted one night free from nightmares.

They could talk and hash it out tomorrow, just not tonight.

She understood, nodding and resting her head against him as they hugged briefly. Eventually they broke apart. She untangled from him, meeting his eyes for a moment before offering him a small smile.

"Goodnight Chandler," she said quietly, as she approached the door.

"Night, Mon," he swallowed as he watched her leave.

Letting out a breath he ran a hand across his face. What a night.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N- thanks so much for all the feedback and for sticking with this one :o)

* * *

The sun coming through Chandler's window woke him the next morning. He stretched in his bed and sat up, wondering if last night was a dream. As the cobwebs slowly cleared he was fairly confident that Monica had cancelled the wedding, come over to his place in the night and that they'd talked... but did she kiss him goodnight? Unconsciously he licked his lips, imagining he could still taste her there.

God, he hoped it wasn't a dream. It would kill him all over again if it was.

He stood up from the bed and opened his door, finding Joey already perched on a bar stool, eating a bowl of cereal. "Morning," his friend said, his voice muffled by the cereal as he gave him a critical once over.

"Morning," Chandler replied much more upbeat than Joey had expected.

"You okay?" he curiously asked, after he swallowed the cereal, concern still in his voice.

Chandler narrowed his eyes, nodding his head a little, "Yeah, I think so."

"You think so?" he repeated confused, last night's conversation coming to mind, "what does that mean?"

He swallowed, not wanting to share what happened between him and Monica, it was better to be kept between them; especially as he had no idea what was actually going on between them. If anything. Just because she kissed him didn't mean she wanted a relationship with him. "I honestly don't know, Joey," he offered lamely with a shrug.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I'm good," Chandler dismissed.

"Well, are you gonna try at least talking to Monica?" Joey asked, "Clear the air with her? It's not nice when you guys fight."

He poured himself a cup of coffee as he contemplated his answer. He was desperate to go across the hall and talk to her some more. To find out what that kiss meant, to see how she felt about everything but he didn't want to put anymore pressure on her and that including not telling Joey everything just yet. Not until he'd at least spoken to her. "We're gonna be fine but I'll talk to her," he shrugged, "but I don't know how ready she'll be to talk." He frowned realizing he wasn't making much sense but thankfully Joey nodded, seeming to accept his answer.

"I wonder what we'll do today since everybody's off for the wedding," Joey pondered. "Do you think we have to stay in and cheer up Monica?"

"I don't know," Chandler admitted honestly. He wanted to be the only one comforting her and cheering her up, but he knew that wasn't realistic. The girls and her brother would want in on the action. But maybe if he got in there first he could whisk her away for the day? He'd need a cover, "I may head into work." He lied, wanting to see if the lady with black hair across the hall was still free.

God, he hoped she was. They could talk or just hang out together, rebuild and strengthen the foundations of their friendship.

Joey made a face, "Work? On a Saturday?"

Crap, he hadn't thought of that, "yeah... I've already missed a week and my mind hasn't really been focused for the last month, so I have a lot of work to catch up on, lessen the Monday spike."

His roommate stood from the stool, placing his empty bowl and spoon in the sink, "forget about work," he insisted, "deal with it on Monday." Joey patted him on the shoulder as he passed him. "I'm gonna shower," he sniffed under his own underarm, his face pinched with disgust, "I don't remember taking one yesterday."

Chandler made a face at the back of his dirty friend's head, "That's...gross, man," he said, shaking his head.

As soon as the bathroom door closed, Chandler hurried out of his apartment, closing the door quietly behind him. He opened the door to apartment 20 slowly, looking around and finding it empty except for the one woman on the couch. He couldn't help but smile just seeing her. He didn't know what was going to happen with 'them', but she wasn't getting married today. She wasn't going to be Mrs. Becker. There was some hope.

He slipped in quietly, walking over to her. He stuck his hands in his pockets, nervousness suddenly taking him over again as she made eye contact with him. His heart suddenly began beating rapidly and butterflies exploded in his stomach, "h-hi," he stammered, wincing at his own awkwardness.

He took her in, and even though she looked tired from lack of sleep, she looked amazing. She had on a long sleeved shirt and sweatpants, her hair tied up on the back of her head.

"Hey," she said softly, pulling her sleeves down over her hands, her fingers picking restlessly, "what are you doing here so early?"

He swallowed, wetting his lips, "I, uh, wanted to check on you."

One corner of her mouth curled upwards, "you did?"

He nodded, "yeah, well, I know you've got a lot on your mind."

She broke eye contact with him and pressed her lips together to try and suppress her smile, "that's kind of you," she expected nothing less from him.

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

She nodded, "you're doing it." Him just being here was helping.

He smiled at that and made a point to look around the apartment, "where's Rachel?"

Monica rolled her eyes just a little, "she and Phoebe went out for 'non-wedding day fun supplies', whatever that means."

Chandler chuckled, moving around the couch to sit down next to her, "sounds like that could be…'fun'."

She shrugged an embarrassed shoulder, "they're worried about me."

He met her eyes again, nodding, "so am I." She looked down at her hands, "are you okay? Really?"

She nodded in response, "I guess so."

"You guess?"

She sighed, bringing her hands up to brush some loose strands of hair out of her face, "I'm glad I'm not getting married today," she admitted softly, "I am. It wasn't right and I know I didn't love Pete enough to be his wife." Her words still sounded too good to be true but he held off celebrating as he was sensing a 'but'. He watched as she had to swallow the lump in her throat before continuing, "but I can't get what I'm missing out on off of my mind."

He finally looked into her eyes again, his frowning slightly "what you're missing out on?"

"It's silly considering everything that's happened, but stuff like the dress, the vows, the rings, the first dance as husband and wife, the bridesmaids reaching for the bouquet, the groomsmen fighting for the garter, the cake…" she sighed, "I spent so much time planning and getting everything ready, dreaming about the little details. I was so excited for all of that, and now it's just...gone."

Chandler reached for one of her hands, hooking a couple of his fingers with hers, trying to ignore the instant spark he felt, "you will get that again one day. None of those things matter if it's spent with the wrong guy."

She nodded, looking into his blue eyes, "I know. I'm just...bummed, I guess. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but I..." She stopped and took another breath, "I've been thinking about this since I was about four years old, you know? It just stings a little, I'll get over it though." Chandler nodded, thinking about her words. He searched his brain for something to do or say to make her feel better.

Another moment passed and he stood, crossing the room to the stereo, switching it on. The soft music from the speakers filled the quiet room as he walked back over to her, "what are you doing?"

He stood in front of her for a second, "I can't do anything about the bouquet, the garter, the rings, dress, the vows, or the cake, but I can give you a dance." He held out his hand, and she only looked at it, "oh, come on," he offered her a boyish smile, "It might cheer you up a little..."

She let the corner of her mouth pull upwards as she placed her hand in his, unfolding her legs from under her as she stood, letting him lead her to the other side of the coffee table where there was some space. After only a second of hesitation, he pulled her close to his body, one hand at the small of her back while the other held hers. He began moving with her to the music, slowly swaying back and forth, "Chandler, this is so sweet," she said to him, her voice barely above a whisper, her eyes studying him,"when did you get so sweet?"

He smiled at her, fighting the blush, "I've always been sweet."

She raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Maybe I am trying to win you over," he confessed softly, he looked away a little embarrassed; was it too much? She was still mourning her cancelled wedding to another man. He didn't need to push too hard.

She looked up at him, "it might be working," she admitted just as softly.

His eyes widened in surprise as a cute smile touched his lips, "Yeah?" she nodded shyly, "I'm uh, glad to hear it."

She leaned her head up a little further to kiss his cheek. His eyes fluttered closed as her lips touched his skin. It was so innocent yet so sensual given their current status, somewhere between friends with the possibility of more just flittering in the distance. It was definitely within his reach, something that he never would've thought possible just a day ago. With a smile she turned her face and rested it against his shoulder. He tightened his hold on her slightly, still so thankful that she was here with him.

They stayed silent as one song ended and another began, neither of them moved away from each other. Both just enjoying being together, comforting and healing each other after the madness of the last 24 hours. Monica moved her hand so that she could lace her fingers with his, looking up at him when he spoke, "so I guess the girls will have you booked up the rest of the day?"

She nodded, "yeah, seems like it."

He sighed, "oh."

"Why?"

He shrugged one of his shoulders, "just wanted to see if we could sneak off somewhere and spend the day together. Just the two of us."

She furrowed her eyebrows together, swallowing, "are we ready for that?"

His forehead wrinkled with confusion, "why wouldn't we be? We've done it a thousand times before…"

"Because this is…" she gestured between them with a hand.

"It's what?" he asked, holding his breath, part of him desperate to know what she was thinking but another part just wanting to hold onto that kiss from last night and not question it.

God, that wonderful, wonderful kiss.

She sighed, "I don't know, Chandler, what is this?"

He squeezed her hand, shrugging slightly, "well, that's up to you. I've told you how I feel, and that's not gonna change any time soon," he promised softly, "I'm hoping that maybe, someday after all of this you may wanna explore what this could be between us. But I'm going to let you take control of this. I know you've got a ton of stuff on your mind, a ton of emotional crap to deal with, and I totally get that. I'll be here with you as a friend, but you know that if this..." he gestured between them like she did moments before, "...was up to me and things were different, then I would have already been with you for a while now."

She smiled at him, almost taken aback by his honesty. They had shared many moments throughout the years where he was able to resist the urge to joke or use sarcasm and be serious; it always touched her that he felt confident enough around her to show her these little glimpses of the real him that she doubted many other people ever saw.

"Thank you," she murmured, looking down at their feet as he moved his hand back to the small of her back. She thought about it for a few moments, trying to find her words, "I think it's a little soon for us to be dating," she said honestly and his head shot up. She wanted to date him? "Maybe we should...wait a little while."

He swallowed, nodding his head eagerly, understanding; he couldn't imagine how confusing this must be for her, but the fact that she actually wanted to date him eventually, that was more than enough, "okay...sure."

She let out a breath, relieved, "you're not mad? You really don't mind waiting a while?"

"No," he said instantly, he didn't, really didn't. After everything he'd suffered these last 6 months, the proposal, the endless planning and the almost wedding, it had almost killed him. Her wanting to wait, wasn't a problem. He'd wait as long as she needed. His heart was finally light and was repairing the past damage rapidly, "of course not. I know you're going through alot right now and I want you to set the pace on this, take as long as you need. I'm not going anywhere." He was pleased that her face seemed to relax a little, even a little smile appeared on her face, "really, I mean it, I'm not mad at all, in fact I'm the opposite. Most of me is buzzing right now, thrilled that you're even considering this...us." Her shining eyes met his teasing ones, "but part of me is maybe a little sad that I won't get to experience another kiss like last night's again for a while," the corner of his mouth curled up in a boyish smile to show he was joking, lightening the mood.

She ducked her head. Good grief, when did he get so freaking cute? She really didn't know and part of her was still amazed that she hadn't seen this before. Although she knew he was only teasing, the mention of last night's kiss sent shivers down her spine. The man was a fantastic kisser, possibly even the best she'd ever had, and she was suddenly desperate to feel his lips against hers again. To feel that passionate yet gentle caress.

It may not be the wisest decision, but she didn't care right now. She looked back up at him and smiled almost coyly, "I didn't say you couldn't kiss me."

He froze, swallowing hard as he looked into her eyes before his focus dropped onto her soft lips. "Those are dangerous, dangerous words, Geller," he croaked out.

She just smiled at him, her eyebrows raising a fraction in a challenge.

Unable to resist, he met her eyes one last time before leaning forwards. His eyes closed as he pressed his lips to hers for a soft, gentle kiss. Possibly one of the sweetest he'd ever experienced.

She moved her hand from his to wrap them both around his neck, her thumbs playing with the base of his hair, as they shared a contented smile. "So what should we tell the others? You know they'll have questions."

Chandler looked over her shoulder at the door. He'd forgotten about their friends, lost in the moment with the woman he held against his own body. He shut his eyes for a second, hoping Joey was in one of his long shower moods so that he wouldn't bust through that door in the next few minutes. He cleared his throat, getting back to her question, "maybe we tell them that we're taking it slow, working on our friendship first?" It was kind of the truth.

She nodded, "and that we'll see about 'us' down the road."

"Yes," he said and unable to stop himself he leaned down to kiss her again whilst they were still alone, "as long as we can share a few secret kisses occasionally? I mean I don't wanna pressure you but-"

She cut him off, pulling him down to her lips again, almost immediately deepening the kiss. He groaned, pulling her even tighter to his body.

God, this was something he could definitely get used to, she was amazing.

They stayed like that for a while, her hands on the back of his head, his arms around her waist. She moaned into his mouth as their tongues explored each other's mouths. He could do this forever and never tire of it, he was positive of that. Air was becoming an issue again and he pulled back, missing her lips instantly.

"Damn it, Bing," she breathed huskily, her forehead against his, "you are really good at that."

He nodded in agreement, groaning as he crashed his lips to hers again. He honest to god couldn't get enough of her. She was like his weakness, his drug and he was addicted. This time yesterday he thought he'd lost her and now he was kissing her. Not only that, she was kissing him. He couldn't make himself believe that he was standing in Monica's living room, his hands running over her back, his mouth taking over hers. He heard her moan again, and oh god yes, he wanted even more of her, but he knew they couldn't.

With a lot of effort he eventually pulled back, the commercials on the radio interrupting the music. They stared at each other as their breathing calmed.

"I um should probably get back over there," Chandler said with a regretful sigh, "Joey will come looking for me soon."

Monica nodded, looking up at him, but making no effort to move away, "okay."

He swallowed again, staring at her lips. He knew he shouldn't, because it would only leave him wanting more, but he leaned down and gave her another kiss. He put all of his might into this one, he hoped he could remember until he had the chance to kiss her again, and dear god, he hoped it was soon.

They parted and he moved back from her just a little, trying to catch his breath yet again. His body hadn't had a workout like this in a long time. He looked at her, pressing his lips together, trying to resist the urge to touch again. "I'll see you later?"

She nodded instantly, watching him as he moved around her, heading for the door. "Chandler?" she called, just before he stepped out.

"Hmm?"

She jogged over to him, grabbing his face and kissing him again, "thanks for being so understanding about this." She pressed another sweet kiss to his lips making his toes curl, "and thanks for the dance."

He smiled, leaning back in, "thanks for being you."

She blushed and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "you and Joey should come over for breakfast."

"Are you sure you're up to making everyone breakfast?" he asked.

She nodded, "I want to. I'll make blueberry pancakes," she smiled, knowing exactly what his weakness was.

"That's why you're my favorite," he smiled at her again with a wink and closed the door behind him.

Monica stared at the door for a moment; she'd forgotten how easy it was with him, how sweet and kind he was. How good a smile looked on his face and how bright that sparkle could be in his gorgeous eyes. This was how it should be. It felt so right.

She was very glad she wasn't getting married today.

* * *

Chandler opened his door and stopped in surprise when he saw Ross sitting at the bar, looking at one of Joey's rare 'non dirty' magazines, "hey man."

"Hey," Ross said, closing the book and crossing his arms, "where were you?" he tried to ask it casually but Chandler sensed a tone.

"I , uh, was just checking on Monica," he thought it best not to go into detail.

"Yeah, I guessed you probably were," Ross nodded, "how is she?"

"Ok," Chandler shrugged a little, grabbing some OJ from the fridge. "A little sad and down as expected, but she's doing alright. The girls are planning some sort of girlie day for her."

"That's nice of them," Ross nodded before wetting his lips nervously. Here goes, "I kinda wanted to talk to you about this crush-thing you have on my sister."

Chandler raised an eyebrow, surprised. It hadn't even occurred to him that Ross would try and do the whole big brother thing, the man was his oldest friend, "it's not really a crush," he admitted with an apologetic shrug.

Ross turned his head, "you're really in love with her? Monica?"

He nodded, not very comfortable discussing this with him, it was all too new and delicate and he wasn't ready for other people's opinions and doubts.

"Really?" he asked again as if he still couldn't believe it. "Monica? High-strung, OCD, uptight Monica?"

Chandler frowned slightly, "I thought as her big brother you're supposed to be telling me I'm not good enough for her."

Ross rolled his eyes, "I didn't mean it like that," he protested, "I love her to bits, I guess I'm still just trying to get my head around everything. A lot's happened in a short space of time."

"Yeah," Chandler nodded, thinking back briefly to where he'd been less than a day ago. It had been a dark place, "thank god it went down the way it did," he said quietly, causing Ross to study him.

"So, she knows about your feelings right?"

"Yeah," he nodded cautiously, not quite sure how much Ross knew and also not sure where this was going.

"Does, uh, does she like you too?" he winced slightly, obviously Ross was just as uncomfortable with this conversation as he was.

"I hope so," he said carefully.

"Just promise me one thing? You won't rush into anything with her?" Ross asked quietly, "she's just broken off her engagement, called off a wedding, changed her whole future...it's a lot for her to process. I don't wanna see either of you get hurt or ruin your friendship over this...and she needs her friends right now, so, please, please don't rush into anything."

Chandler swallowed, nodding. He understood where his friend was coming from and it made sense, it really did. But Chandler knew that if Monica was to walk through that door right now and say she was ready then he would gladly accept. He still craved her, needed her.

At that moment Joey walked out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist, saving Chandler from actually having to promise anything. "Hey Ross," he studied both of his friends' faces, "what's going on?"

"I was just talking to Chandler. About Monica."

Joey furrowed his eyebrows together, "yeah? Well good luck, because he won't talk to me."

"I talked to you!" Chandler protested. "Look, me and Mon are ok. We're just gonna work on being friends and helping her get through all this."

He waited, praying to see if they believed him.

"Ok, good," Ross nodded, seemingly satisfied. "I just needed to, you know…" Chandler nodded reassuringly, "I'm gonna uh go check on her myself."

"Ok," he replied, wishing he could go back there too.

Ross stood and walked around the counter, stopping before he got to the door, "you're really in love with her?"

Chandler took a sip of the orange juice he'd just poured, nodding and not understanding why his old college roommate didn't get it, "yeah, I really am."

"Alright," Ross replied, opening the door and crossing the hall.

"So you've already gone and checked on her, huh?" Joey asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, so?" Chandler looked at him, "she's making pancakes, by the way. She wants us over in a few minutes."

Joey nodded, but didn't move from his spot. "So you and her are…" he did a dance with his fingers.

"I don't know what that even means," Chandler frowned.

"Doing the horizontal tango?"

He shook his head quickly, "no, of course not, we just talked." It was true, well, half true anyway.

"Yeah right," Joey laughed, "you suck at this."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you can't lie to save your life," Joey laughed. "I can tell something has happened."

"No it hasn't," he lied.

"Whatever man," the Italian shrugged grinning smugly, "but I know something's happened."

"How?" Chandler asked incredulous.

"Well how about there were two used cups on the counter this morning," he suggested lightly, "and last night you were a complete wreck and yet this morning you're happier, even smiled," he pointed out before going a little more serious. "I'm really happy for you. You haven't been the same person for months now. You haven't told jokes, haven't laughed, haven't been...well, you! I've never seen you like that before. Not even with Janice. You were hurting so bad," Joey sighed, "but you were willing to keep feeling like that. Keep being miserable just so that she could be happy...that's really something. I'm really pleased for whatever is happening. I won't ask and I won't tell Ross, but whatever it is...just enjoy it. You deserve to be happy."

Chandler blinked, somewhat stunned by his roommate's words, "wow," he finally stuttered. "I mean...thanks, I…"

He shrugged his bare shoulders, "it's the truth. I honestly didn't think you were going to make it at times."

"Sorry," Chandler winced, "I've probably been acting like a pain in the ass around here these last few weeks.

Joey nodded, "it's okay. I understood it once I found out why, besides, it's all in the past now. Just promise me you won't screw things up with Monica as I don't want a repeat of that."

Chandler chuckled, flashing him a smile, "I'll try my best."

Joey nodded, accepting that was the best he was going to get, "good, well we better go eat pancakes!"

He clapped his hands together enthusiastically and started to walk to the green door when Chandler called his name, "Joe!"

"Yeah?"

"Clothes?"

"Oh right!" He did a u-turn and headed for his bedroom instead.

Chandler laughed, shaking his head fondly. At least, despite all the changes going on, Joey would always be Joey and he was grateful for that.

* * *

TBC...

All thoughts welcome! Thanks


	17. Chapter 17

Chandler sat in the brown barcalounger, turning in his chair when the door opened, "oh, hey." He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face, "what are you doing over here? I thought you and the girls…"

Monica stepped further into the apartment, "well the girls were driving me a little crazy, so I sent them away." He raised an eyebrow, "They already had dates planned," she explained, "because I'm not supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be on a private jet right now, heading toward a private island near Hawaii."

He looked down at the carpet, wincing, "I'm-"

"Don't finish that sentence," she warned, "so they were going to cancel, but I insisted they go. I mean no reason for them to sit at home on Saturday night with a single non-married person, right?"

"Actually, single means not married," he said to her, earning another glare from her that he couldn't help but find absolutely adorable.

"So, I found myself sitting over there with nobody to talk to and I wondered who else was single and unmarried and hopefully dateless on a Saturday night?" He couldn't help but laugh.

"That's true babe, I am single and unmarried," he chuckled again, "but so is Ross, Joey, Rachel and oh yeah, Phoebe too."

She stepped another step closer to him, crossing her arms and tried her hardest to frown despite the smile growing on her lips, "I should go find one of them, then?"

He'd missed this silly banter so much, "Definitely not," he said to her, "we can be single and not married together."

"Amen to that," she grinned, looking at his roommate's door, "Where's Joey?"

"Probably on a bed somewhere with a girl he doesn't really know," Chandler replied easily, "it is Saturday night, why do you ask?"

Monica stepped towards him again, "no reason." She looked past him at the TV behind his chair, "why are you watching a hand steamer infomercial?"

"It's the best thing on tv on a Saturday night?" He chuckled and she raised an eyebrow, "because I was watching Cops and it went off."

"Cops? That's what you were watching?"

He squinted his eyes at her, "you already have one of those steamers, don't you?" he guessed.

She was close enough to hit him on the arm, "why do people always assume that I-"

"Mon…"

She rolled her eyes, "it'll be here Tuesday." He went into a laughing fit and she leaned forward to hit his arm again, "oh, shut up." Even though he was laughing at her, she was glad to see him back to his normal self again. To see him laugh, smile and joke again. He must had been so miserable through all of that, she couldn't imagine how he must've felt. When he stopped his laughing, she smiled down at him, "it's good to see you smile," she said honestly.

His smile got bigger and he grabbed her hand, pulling her down into his lap, her legs dangling over the side of the chair, "it's because of you." He confessed softly, wrapping one arm around her legs and threading his fingers through hers with the other hand, "is that ok?"

In answer, she bent her neck and placed her lips on his, enjoying the feel of them. She vaguely wondered why she recently wanted to kiss him whenever they were alone. It was as if a floodgate had been opened by that first kiss yesterday. He untangled his hand from hers, cupping her face, pulling her deeper into the kiss. Obviously, he was enjoying their kisses as much as she was.

She broke it, smiling down at him, "if I knew you were such a good kisser, I would have started kissing you a long time ago."

He chuckled, surprised, "oh, really?"

She groaned, sitting up so that she could get more of him, attacking his lips again. It was the perfect kind again, sending tingling sensations though him, and he broke the kiss, "Mon-Monica…" He was breathing hard, "If you don't…" he closed his eyes, trying to will power his way back to reality, "If you don't stop that I'm gonna…"

She was breathing equally as hard, understanding his problem, "why not?"

He groaned, "if we're not ready to date, we're really not ready for sex."

She pressed her lips together, nodding her head. He was right.

"Ok, yeah," she agreed, trying to calm her breathing. It had been such a roller coaster these last few days, she definitely wasn't ready to throw sex into the mix, "ok." she repeated, her hands rubbing the front of his shirt in an attempt to slow down the situation, "we can still hang out though, right?"

"Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way," he swallowed, offering her his best boyish smile. As she settled more comfortably into his side, he pulled her tighter to him, stroking her arm and back gently. "So," he questioned the top of her head, "how are you really doing?"

"I'm ok," she sighed, not lifting her head, "I know I did the right thing, but it's still a lot to adjust to. Pete asked the wedding planner to cancel everything on our behalf so I haven't had to do any of that," she semi-shrugged, "my mom and dad have been surprisingly understanding about it all. They even want to come over tomorrow to spend some time with me."

"Thats...nice?" he ventured and she chuckled.

"Yeah," she smiled, "it actually is for once. And Rachel and Phoebe have been really supportive, and Ross and Joey have been really sweet. I'm really lucky."

"Yeah," he said softly, "yeah you are."

Cops started showing again and Monica groaned in response.

"Wanna watch a movie or something?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"That ok?" she requested, "I don't wanna interrupt if you're in the middle of some dramatic chase or something?"

He chuckled, kissing the top of her head, briefly revelling in the fact that she was here, in his arms. It still hadn't fully sunk in that the nightmare was actually over. That she was no longer engaged. No longer gonna be Mrs Becker. He figured it would take a while before he could confidently stride into their apartment and not expect to see her and Pete snuggling on the couch, or kissing on the balcony or worse...the bedroom door being closed.

He shuddered slightly, closing his eyes and pulling her a fraction closer just savouring being allowed to be this close to her. That there was no boundaries or life shattering secrets coming between them. That he could fully relax, be open and honest with her, not having to hide such a huge chunk of himself.

It was as terrifying as it was liberating.

* * *

He turned down the volume on the TV when he was certain she'd fallen asleep. He stared at the screen not paying attention to the couple acting their hearts out. He was content just to stay here, Monica asleep in his arms. This time last night he'd thought he'd ruined everything and now here they were; like this. To some it may have seemed a bit of an anticlimax but he was more than happy with the turn of events.

For once life things seemed to be going in his favor. He wasn't gonna question it. Just try to enjoy it. He closed his own eyes, still praying that he wouldn't wake up and find this all a dream.

The apartment door opened and Chandler came out of his doze.

"Hey man, why's the tv so….oh."

Joey smiled as he looked at them and Chandler couldn't help but return it.

"She ok?" his roommate asked quietly, careful not to wake her. It had been an intense few days for all of them.

"She's getting there," Chandler promised softly, a little in awe. He was pretty certain if it was him going through this he'd be completely flustered and flappy right now. "How was your night?"

"Good," the expected dirty smile crept onto Joey's face, "hooked up with this really pretty girl and she lived above the bar! How cool is that?"

"Very convenient," Chandler commented.

"Did you just chill here with Monica?"

"Yep," he smiled smugly, it was a pretty perfect night for him.

"Are you gonna stay chilling with her?" he asked and gave a half-shrug, careful not to jostle her, "do you need me to get you anything? Food, water...blanket?"

Joey had a heart of gold and Chandler couldn't help but appreciate it.

"Yeah, thanks….a blanket would be good."

Joey nodded easily, grabbing the throw off the yellow couch and draping it over them.

"Want me to tuck you in?" he teased and Chandler just shot him a glare. "Alright, alright, I'll leave you to it. See ya."

With that the Italian retreated to the bedroom leaving Monica and Chandler tucked up together. Using the remote to shut it off, he rested his head against hers and closed his eyes, confident that he was gonna have some sweet dreams.

* * *

A couple of hours passed and his eyes opened when he felt her shift beside him. He shut them again, pretending to be asleep when her head turned up toward his. "Chandler," she whispered, and he ignored her, afraid she was about to get up and leave him for the night. He didn't want that.

"Chandler," she whispered a little louder, shaking his arm, "Chandler, wake up." He reluctantly opened his eyes, blinking a couple of times.

"Hm?" he said, "what's wrong?" He pulled the blanket up over her shoulder with his free hand.

"My butt is numb," she said softly, "are you comfortable?"

His arm was numb, his left leg tingled, and he was pretty sure he couldn't ever move his neck properly again, but he never wanted to move from this current position with her, ever, "I'm alright."

She sighed, and his heart began to beat faster again, "do you mind if we move over to the couch? That way I can stretch out." She and Chandler had fallen asleep together several times, but now things were a little different. It may have been the opposite of taking things slowly, but the fact was that she really didn't want to be alone tonight, and here was a man that wanted to hold her next to him and that was just fine with her.

He looked at her through the darkness of the living room, smiling, "yeah, sure." She didn't want to go across the hall and go to her own bed, she wanted to go over to the yellow couch with him and allow him to sleep with his arms around her. It's what dreams were made of.

She stood up from the brown chair first, rubbing her back end with both hands, groaning a little, "you need me to massage that for you?" he teased lightly, holding the blanket and walking ahead of her to the sunshine couch. He laid down first, watching as she sat down beside him and snuggled next to him, wrapping the blanket around her arms. "I could get used to this," he admitted to her, kissing her temple.

She turned her head up to look at him, stretching her neck to kiss him, "goodnight Chandler."

"Night Monica," he whispered. He stared at the ceiling, listening to her breathing as she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Rachel walked into the boy's apartment the next morning, finding Joey sitting at the bar, eating a muffin.

"Joey have you-"

Joey immediately put his finger over his lips for her to quieten her voice, pointing with his thumb towards the yellow couch, "they're sleeping!"

Rachel furrowed her brows together, walking a few steps further into the apartment until the pair sound asleep came into her view. Her mouth fell open and she covered it, walking back over to Joey and pulling on his arm to follow her to the hallway, "what? What's going on? I didn't know they were dating! She's not ready to date!"

Joey shook his head, "they're not dating, exactly, I think, they're just...sleeping."

Rachel crossed her arms, "I've been worried sick about her, and she was just across the hall sleeping with Chandler?"

Joey sighed, "my guess is she probably didn't want to be alone."

"She told us to go!" Rachel said back to him, "I wouldn't have left her."

He shook his head, "she knows that, Rachel. And they've fallen asleep together thousands of times, what's so different about it now?"

"Well now, Chandler loves her, apparently."

Joey really missed his muffin, "he does, but he's not rushing her into anything. They're not dating, they just understand each other, now can I please go get my muffin?"

Rachel ignored his request, "I just hope she doesn't jump into this with Chandler and she's not ready..."

"Rach, you gotta calm down. It's not like she's in there with some guy she just met, she and Chandler have known each other forever, and they're just friends, just like they were before this whole Pete thing went down. Nothing has changed. Chandler knows what happened, he knows she's not ready for another relationship."

Rachel took a deep breath, "okay," she looked at Joey, "but you promise me that you'll keep an eye on them. I need to know that she's okay."

Joey nodded, "yes, I promise."

"Okay, okay." She took a breath, trying to calm herself down, "I just didn't expect that when I walked in there," she admitted.

He patted her shoulder, "everything's okay."

"Alright." She sighed, grabbing Joey's arm before he could get back inside, "wait! You've gotta hear about this date I had last night."

"But I-" Joey protested.

"It involves another female," she interrupted.

"Oh yeah, I need to hear about this!" He rubbed his hands together in anticipation, his muffin forgotten on the counter.

Back inside, Chandler let his eyes open slowly, smiling when he remembered who was asleep next to him. He pulled her even closer, inhaling her scent. She shuffled, and he watched as her eyes fluttered open. She looked at him, rubbing her hand on his chest, "good morning."

"Mm," he replied, "morning."

"Am I killing your arm? Do you want me to-"

"No way, never move," he said, tightening his grip on her.

She smiled, bringing her hand up to rub his cheek, "when did you get so adorable?"

He chuckled, "I've always been adorable, sweet and charming," he kissed her forehead, "maybe you've just never noticed."

"Maybe I didn't," she admitted, closing her eyes again, "can we just stay here for a while?"

"God, yes," he said to her, "you know, I would've given everything I owned to do this a week ago." He heard her sigh at that, "I'm sorry," he said, "I don't want to bum you out."

"Chandler you were okay, though, right? You didn't want to do anything stupid-" she stopped. She couldn't bring herself to say it.

He looked up at the ceiling, shaking his head, "No, but I thought about running away to another state and starting over several times," he admitted, and hearing that made her heart ping. She gripped him even tighter at the thought of losing him from her world, "hey, it's okay."

"Not if you were going to leave here," she said, her voice a little louder than the whispering they were doing before, "you would've come talk to me, though, right? Before you left?"

He furrowed his eyebrows together, "no."

"Chandler!" She leaned up on one elbow so she see could into his eyes directly, "what do you mean you wouldn't have come and talked to me?"

"I mean you were going to marry another man, Mon. I wouldn't come and talk to you about being crazy in love with you. That wouldn't make any sense."

"It wouldn't make any sense for you to leave and start a new life somewhere without talking to me first."

"But it wouldn't have changed anything. You were getting married. It wouldn't have changed that or the way I feel about you."

She sighed, "I could've convinced you to stay."

"By saying what?" he asked, he really wanted to know.

She laid down on his shoulder again, "I don't know," she admitted softly. He reached for her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said with a grin, "now you're pretty much stuck with me."

She pulled her leg up over his, gripping his t-shirt again to pull herself up, placing her lips on his again. He moved his hands down her back and pulled her all the way on top of him. Her hands held his face in place while his found her back jean pockets.

The lack of oxygen he had in his lungs was unimpressive as he broke her kiss and was just about to dive into another one when a new noise came from another person in the room.

Joey.

Busted.

"I see the whole 'friends' thing is going very well," he had a smile on his face like he'd just walked in on a sex scene.

Monica knocked the blanket off of her waist and climbed off of him, standing up from the couch, followed by Chandler, who stood and stretched his back, "morning Joe."

"Mornin."

Monica chuckled and walked passed him, patting him on his shoulder, "come over in a while for breakfast."

Joey nodded at Monica's back, waiting until she'd left the apartment before he turned back to his roommate, "friends, huh?"

Chandler walked passed him to the refrigerator, pulling out the orange juice carton and checking the expiration date before pulling down a glass, "we're just friends."

"I can't remember the last time I made out with Phoebe on the couch with my hands down her pants."

He looked at him over the glass, "have you ever made out with Phoebe on the couch?"

"That's not important. Why did you tell me that you and Monica are just friends?" Joey sat down at the counter and happily picked up the rest of his half eaten muffin. Reunited at last.

Chandler rolled his eyes and filled the glass again, "we _are_ just friends."

"Then why was she on top of you just a minute ago?"

He couldn't help the smile that came across his face. He already missed her body weight on his, and they were supposed to stay on the couch forever. If only was that simple. "Because we've been getting along really well."

Joey laughed at that, swallowing the bite he bit off of and finishing the rest, "whatever, man. I told you that I'm happy for you. And I am. But what I just saw? That wasn't friends."

"It was two friends who care a lot about each other," he said, running a hand through his hair, "don't read anymore into it."

"She's not ready to date, and I just told Rachel that I would make sure that you weren't rushing into anything."

He groaned, "I know she's not ready to date," he replied, "I'm not rushing her into anything. I told her to take her time, and that I would still be around when and if she wants to date me. What you saw was just an innocent kiss between friends because we understand each other. And just a warning, you might witness a few more between us. She's in a weird spot right now. Nobody is rushing anybody. Monica and I? We're good and we really don't need you guys being are chaperones when we're together."

Joey stood off the barstool, nodding a little, "Okay. Fine. I believe you."

"Alright then," he sighed, breathing deeper.

"I'm gonna go change."

Chandler nodded, "Okay."

He watched his roommate go into his bedroom and leaned back on the counter, running a hand over his face. Last night had been the best night's sleep he'd had in a long time and it wasn't even in a bed. He hoped Monica would want to do that again sometime soon but as he'd promised her...and apparantly Joey and Rachel, he wasn't going to rush things. Right now the frindship lines were a little fuzzy and blurred but they were still there and he had to be careful about crossing them too quickly.

At least Joey vaguely understood.

And when the other friends caught them making out, he hoped they'd take it just as well...

* * *

A/N- a much gentler chapter this time! We hope you still enjoyed it. Thanks so much for all the reviews.


	18. Chapter 18

**Guys, you know how to make us smile! Thanks so much for the reviews, we're really glad you're enjoying!**

* * *

As Monica closed the door of her apartment behind her she was instantly aware of her roommate's eyes on her. She raised her head, seeking her out; Rachel was standing by the couch arms folded, staring at her. It kinda felt like she had missed her curfew and had pissed parents waiting for an excuse.

"What?" she finally asked, walking further into her apartment.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked, her mouth twisted slightly.

"With what?" she had never liked twenty questions. "What's the matter?"

"I was worried about you," she admitted, "and then I walk in on you and Chandler-"

"We were just sleeping together on the couch," Monica shrugged, hoping Rachel hadn't been present during the kissing session.

"What's going on with the two of you?"

"Nothing!" she said adamantly.

Rachel narrowed her eyes, despite Monica's and Joey's reassurances she knew something was going on. She knew her roommate was an adult, an adult that was more than capable of looking after herself, but she still worried. Monica was in a confusing emotional place right now. Rachel knew that- she'd been there.

"Talk to me Mon," Rachel insisted. "The night before last you were in here crying because he'd confessed his love for you out of nowhere and you didn't know what to do and then last night you spent the night with him. What's happened? Have you talked? Are you dating?"

"We talked," she finally admitted, "we cleared the air and had a really, really good talk and we're ok."

"Ok?" she frowned, "that's it?"

"Yep," she shrugged, turning to head towards her room to change into some fresh clothes.

"It's too soon Monica," Rachel said softly, causing her to pause and turn back to face her roommate.

"What's too soon?"

"I get that you know you made the right decision," Rachel promised, her tone softening slightly as she recalled her own memories. "I get that a huge weight has been taken off your shoulders because you no longer have to make any kind of life-changing decisions." Monica nodded slightly, "I get that the guilt and worry fast turns into happiness and relief, I totally get that, but you can't start dating Chandler already. Today was supposed to be the first day of being married to Pete, it's too early…"

"We aren't dating, Rach," Monica promised softly, coming to stand in front of her roommate, taking her hands. "I know it's too early and so does Chandler. We know that it's way too early to start anything, but at the same time we know it's gonna happen. At some point. We aren't going to hurry anything but the dynamics of our relationship have started to shift and...I'm excited by that."

Rachel pulled her into a hug, her eyes starting to well.

"I'm happy for you," she whispered, "I want you to know that but just take your time. He's not going anywhere and you need to completely get over this whole wedding ordeal...and that's what we're all here for."

"Thanks," she smiled sincerely, "for looking after me, you and Phoebe have been really great through all this and I appreciate it so much. But I can totally handle this, ok?" They hugged again. "I better go change because Joey's going to be over for breakfast soon and then I have to get ready to see my folks."

"Is Ross going with you?" she asked.

"No...just me," she smiled a little. "It'll be weird...but nice. I haven't seen my Dad properly for a while, everything was so hectic and he didn't make the rehearsal...so it'll be nice to talk to him; to explain."

"Jack won't need any explanations," Rachel promised. "He'll just want his little Harmonica to be happy. That's reason enough for him."

"I hope so," Monica offered her one last watery smile and a hug before pulling away and pulling herself together, ready for the day ahead.

* * *

As Monica opened her apartment door that evening she wasn't surprised to see all the gang in the livingroom. She doubted it was a coincidence that everyone was here and she appreciated them looking out for her.

"Hey," she called, getting various greetings in return.

"How'd it go with mom and dad?" Ross asked from the couch.

"Good," she smiled, shrugging off her jacket and grabbing a soda from the fridge. "They were actually very understanding and I kinda enjoyed myself. Is that weird?"

"A little," he teased, but he looked extremely pleased for her.

She walked over to the living room area and smiled as she noticed Chandler was in the overstuffed, oversized chair. His eyes were on her and he smiled, one of his special smiles he reserved just for her. She returned it as she approached the chair, nestling in beside him.

He shuffled slightly to accommodate her, his arm automatically going across the back of the chair, so she snuggled slightly into his side. She could feel everyone's eyes on them so she remained discreet, remembering Rachel's words from earlier. They probably all had the same questions and worries so best not to bait them.

"What have you guys been up to? How was work?"

"I got to massage a complete hottie," Phoebe gossiped. "He must live in the gym, he had muscles everywhere, like _everywhere_. He was so dishy."

With everyone's attention diverted to their blonde friend, Chandler risked moving his arm from the back of the chair to settle subtly onto her shoulders. A thrill went through her as the hand briefly stroked her hair, just a couple of times before falling still.

She tried to hide her smile. She knew they weren't ready, she wasn't ready, but the excitement that went through her, the electricity that crackled between them at every look, touch, kiss...it was exciting.

"Well, I united a missing kid with her parents," Ross beamed. "She was crying and really shy but I cheered her up with some of my magic tricks."

Chandler cringed beside her, "what did you do?" he asked almost fearfully.

"A quarter behind the ear," he grinned proudly, "and the pencil in my ear, gets them everytime."

"That's not magic," Joey argued. "Unless you can make, like, a dinosaur disappear then no kid is gonna be impressed."

"Hey! She was impressed," Ross argued but Monica tuned them out, her body focussed on Chandler. The arm draped across her shoulder had tightened a little and his thumb was now gently stroking the top of her arm. Even through the material of her top it caused little goosebumps to prickle her skin and a delicious shiver to go through her. Not ready, she reminded herself, not ready.

God, she wished they were alone so that she could lean over and kiss him like she wanted to right now.

"You ok?"

She hadn't expected the hot breath against her ear and she closed her eyes shuddering at the sensations. What was the matter with her? Pete hadn't affected her like this. How could her body react to Chandler like this?

"Y-yeah," she swallowed, opening her eyes and turning a fraction to look up at him. His lips were so close, she could...no, no she couldn't, "I'm fine, really," she promised, aware that the others were focussing on them again. Damn. "Just enjoying everyone being here, relaxing, no wedding stress to worry about," she sighed, glancing up at Chandler again before looking at the other people in the room, "it's kind of nice."

"Have you heard from Pete?" Phoebe asked and Chandler instantly tensed beside her.

"No," she said honestly, "do you think I will?"

"I met up with Barry," Rachel mused, "to give him back the ring and stuff."

"You slept with him in his chair," Monica argued and Chandler tensed further. Out of habit her hand came to rest reassuringly on his knee, squeezing slightly.

"That was just a spur of the moment kinda thing," Rachel shrugged.

"Well I don't want any spur of the moment things with Pete," it was directed at the whole group but the meaning was solely for Chandler.

"What about the ring?" Joey asked, "you giving it back to him?"

"I guess," she frowned, out of habit her eyes fell onto her naked left hand. The ring may have only been there 6 months but she'd enjoyed the sparkle, and it had _really_ sparkled. "I should return it to him, I'm assuming it was pretty expensive and I've got a few other things of his I should really give back to him."

She winced, not really liking the idea of having to go around there again. Seeing him now seemed more of a chore than an excitement. Still hopefully it would bring closure and draw the line under the whole wedding thing.

"Want us to come with you?" Ross asked sincerely and she shook her head.

"No," she sighed, squeezing Chandler's knee again, though if she was trying to comfort him or herself she wasn't so sure. "It's something I should do by myself."

"I could borrow my grandma's cab?" Phoebe offered, "I could drive you?"

"Maybe, ok, yeah. Thanks Phoebe that would be great," she smiled, "what day would suit you? I mean I have the next two weeks off work...oh god, I'm gonna have to find a new job," she sighed realizing her situation. "I can't work for Pete."

"You'll find somewhere," Chandler promised, hugging her a little closer to him in comfort, "you're a great chef."

"What if I have to go back to the diner like before?" she asked miserably her head resting against his chest, "I don't wanna have to wear wig and fake boobs again."

"It'll be different now," Rachel promised, "you have 6 months head chef experience behind you. That will count for something."

"I hope so," she sighed as Chandler pulled her closer.

"You'll be fine," he whispered into her ear, "I promise and if you need to wear fake boobs again, I'll certainly live with it."

She smiled, closing her eyes for a moment and nodding. Chandler had always been a calming influence for her in the past and as exciting as this new flirting behavior was, it was a great reassurance to know he was also still her safe, secure Chandler, her rock.

* * *

The next morning Monica sighed as she started the washing up. Everyone had been over again for breakfast, which had been a nice quiet affair, but one she was very grateful for. All of them hanging out together was helping this whole situation feel a little bit more normal.

She wasn't looking forward to today, however. She was obviously off work while all the others weren't, because she was supposed to be on her exotic honeymoon. She'd have to entertain herself for the whole day, and while normally that wouldn't be a problem, she just didn't want to be alone right now; not for that long.

She could do something practical and start looking for jobs or find the courage to try to call Pete to organize returning the ring and things….although she didn't think she was up for that just yet. She sighed heavily, starting to scrub the first dish.

"Hey," she jumped in surprise as her apartment door opened and Chandler stuck his head in, "is the coast clear?"

"Everyone's left if that's what you mean," she said, intrigued, as he nodded and the rest of his body entered, closing the door behind him. "What's going on?" she smiled as possibilities ran through her head. Had he stayed behind just so he could kiss her goodbye? A little shiver ran through her at the idea.

She ditched the gloves quickly and couldn't help the smile on her face as he came closer to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He stared into her eyes for a moment, just taking her in.

"Can I get a good morning kiss?" he asked endearingly and she was taken aback at just how cute and sweet he was being.

"I think that can be arranged," she chuckled, wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her body up against him as she reached up and met him halfway.

It was weird how natural this all felt. Weird that it felt so good but so familiar. Lips caressed lips and he groaned softly, his arms tightening around her. Her hand cupped the back of his head, holding him in place as she deepened the kiss, thrills rushing through her.

Eventually they pulled apart, slightly breathless and he smiled down at her, "I like being 'good friends' with you," he smiled softly, "it comes with lots of perks compared to when I was just a friend."

"That makes no sense," she pointed out, placing a quick peck on his lips, "and as much as I appreciate all of this, aren't you going to be late? You don't wanna get in trouble at work, can't have both of us unemployed…"

"I'm only late if you've already planned something."

He enjoyed the cute frown, "have you been hit on the head?"

"I don't think so," he chuckled, looking a little smug, "I took the day off work."

He watched as the confusion turned to shock and then settled on a beaming smile.

"Really?" she asked, "why?"

"I thought you might like some company today," he shrugged a little and she couldn't believe how amazing this man was, how well he knew her. Her other friends were great, she loved each of them, but not one of them understood her like he did.

She pulled him into a hug before pressing her lips to his again, "thank you," she said, suddenly a little overwhelmed that he'd do this for her.

"You're more than welcome," he promised, his hands came to gently frame her face as he leant down to place a soft, slow kiss to her lips.

"So, uh, what do you want to do today?" she asked, swallowing.

He shrugged a shoulder, "I've got some ideas."

"Well, a day with you sounds great," she told him smiling. "I'm game for pretty much anything."

"Good to know," he wiggled his eyebrows, "alright then. Go get dressed."

She took a step back from him, looking down at her own wardrobe, "I am dressed," she deadpanned.

"And you look great," he said, sensing the tone in her voice, "but you may not wanna wear a skirt to…" he grinned, "you just need some pants on, trust me."

Her blue eyes met his teasing ones, "What are you up to? Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

"Chandler…"

"Just put on some jeans, please?"

She sighed, defeated. "Fine. I need to finish these first, though," she gestured to the remaining dirty dishes.

He rolled his eyes, looking down at his watch, "Mon, it's already past 9 and we have a cab arriving in 20 minutes...can't the dishes wait until we get back?" He could tell by the look on her face that it was not working, "It will give you something to look forward to," he tried.

She laughed, "Nice try but come on, have you met me before?" Picking up the yellow gloves, she turned back to the sink, "I'll hurry."

She paused when she felt his hands on her hips; her breath catching in her throat in anticipation. He pulled her body up against his, moving her long hair away from her neck so that he could kiss it softly. She moved her head to the side and put her ungloved hand on the back of his head. He kissed the soft skin of her neck, moving up and down on the exposed flesh, unable to resist wanting to kiss every inch of her that she'd allow.

She moaned just a little as she felt his lips on her; she had no idea that this man behind her could make her feel like this. "Ch-" she was unable to finish his name when he hit _that_ spot below her ear that she considered her weakness. "Chandler," she breathed, her eyes fluttering closed and her nails scraping his scalp as she enjoyed the sensations for just a moment, "this is delaying the dishes getting done, you know."

He chuckled, his oh so soft lips not moving from her skin, "you're right." He kissed the spot he now knew as her favorite, pleased when it made her moan again, "maybe we should just cancel that cab and stay in." Forget not dating or moving too fast. If she'd stay in with him, he would make it worth her while.

Monica was eventually able to pull herself away from him enough so that his lips didn't have contact with her neck anymore. She turned around, his arms still locked behind her, "that's probably not a good idea."

He nodded, a smile creeping on his face, "you're right again." He pulled the yellow glove off of her hand, putting it on the counter next to her, "I'll do the dishes, now will you please go put on those jeans that fit you just right?"

A cheeky smile formed on her face, "I'm not sure I know which jeans you're talking about."

He smiled back at her, "yes, you do."

God, she was loving flirting with him so much; it felt so right, everything did. She leaned in pretending she was going to kiss him again, but backed away just before his lips touched hers, "make sure that water is hot, and make sure each dish gets 3 minutes of scrubbing time, minimum," she walked away from him, and she liked the feeling of his eyes on her.

As she changed clothes, she tried to think back to the beginning of hers and Pete's relationship. She tried to remember if he made her feel this good and this happy, if she wanted to constantly be around him like she did with Chandler, if she couldn't wait until their next kiss, if his touch made her tingle like Chandler's suddenly did, and if Pete would take the day off just to spend with her and make sure she was okay.

She came up with nothing.

Pete was a great guy, that she was sure of, but she found herself questioning if he loved his work more than he loved her at times. Not that it mattered now. Pete was gone, apart from returning a few bits, and Chandler...he was just out there, waiting for her, with those gorgeous baby blues and amazing lips...

The thought made her shiver, and she pulled on a new shirt to go with the jeans.

Chandler stood at the sink, whistling a tune he'd heard yesterday on the TV, thinking it was about the time he needed for each dish. He put the clean plate on the other side and grabbed the next, restarting his tune.

It was hard for him to believe that he and Monica were okay after everything that'd happened in the last week. In fact, they were better than okay.

They were _fantastic._

He thought after the kiss, after the 'I love you' thing, after the wedding, that she'd never want to speak to him again. But she wanted to see him, she wanted him to hold her, kiss her on the lips, be with her. And he was definitely okay with that.

Two more dishes to go to sweet freedom.

He picked up the next one and started his tune again. He felt her eyes on him, and he whipped his head around to look at her. She giggled and walked over to him, "you are _so_ cute in those yellow gloves."

"And you look cute in those jeans," she'd worn the ones he'd hope she would, and he swallowed,"Now see? You messed up my three minute tune thing I had going on."

She smiled at him and began drying the dishes he'd already finished, "you've got a minute fifty left."

"You just have an instinct for these things or…"

"Yes," she put the plates in the cabinet and got the next one Chandler finished, "you don't like me as much now, do you?" She asked wincing, knowing that not everybody had these rules with their dishes.

He smirked again, "you might've lost a couple of cool points," he said to her, and she tried to fight the smile that came across her face, "but my feelings for you won't ever change, besides I knew about your freaky...I mean... _special_ quirks before I fell in love with you."

She grabbed his arm and laid her head against it, while he washed the last dish. His words echoed in her head. She knew Chandler loved her, but there was something about it when he said it to her. Her whole body tingled now, something she'd never expected from her 'friend' Chandler. It was way too soon to admit to him, or herself for that matter but she knew she loved him on some level. They had been friends for so long and she'd told him before that she loved him. The thought of telling him one day that she 'loved him' loved him made her tingle again, so she tightened her grip on him. She stood up straight again when he finished the last dish, removing the gloves. He rubbed his hands together with excitement, "dishes done, let's boogie."

The duo walked downstairs and into a waiting cab, Chandler determined to keep their destination a secret, whispering it to the man behind the wheel. He settled in the backseat next to her, laying his arm across her shoulders. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore that feeling she got again.

Why hadn't she felt this way before about him? She'd known the man for so long; had share numerous cab rides back together, often with them sat closer than friends technically should.

She grabbed his hand, intertwining her fingers with his to catch his attention, "so, can I ask you something?"

He smiled down at her, "of course you can, anything."

Monica looked down at their entwined hands, idly playing with his fingers as she tried to ask the question on her mind.

"Mon?"

"This isn't a date, right?"

He put on a closed smile, "Nope."

"Because...we're not dating?" she wet her lips, risking a look at his face.

"Right."

"So, is this something you would do with Phoebe, Rachel, Joey or Ross?"

He looked up at the ceiling of the cab, "eh, maybe, but they'd have to pay their own way."

She chuckled, "So this is a date?"

He shook his head again, "Nope, we're not dating, you're paying your own way too" when she looked up at him, he chuckled and kissed her cheek, "I'm just joking, it's my treat. We may not be dating, but we are friends. _Good_ friends."

"Is this something you would have done with me before?"

He nodded, "yes."

"Not a date then."

"Correct," he squeezed her shoulder and it was silent again. But only for a beat...

"Would you take me here on a date?" She fought the smile that crept on her face.

He thought about that for a second, "yes...if you let me"

"So, it's kind of a date."

"Mon…" he laughed again, "what's up?"

She smiled at him, "Nothing. I'm just...happy to be with you."

Chandler leaned down and kissed her, "right back atcha,"he promised as she rested her head against his shoulder. No matter where they went or what they did, he would always be happy if he was with her.

A comfortable silence fell between them as the cab continued its way to the secret destination of their not a date date.


	19. Chapter 19

Chandler grinned, his eyes lighting up excitedly, "we're here."

Monica looked out of the window and bit back a grin, "a theme park? Really?"

"Not just _any_ theme park," his smile widened, "They have New York's largest rollercoaster. It has loops and sudden drops and everything!"

"Don't we like need a kid with us or something?" she teased.

"Well, I'm a big kid, doesn't that count?" he laughed, jumping out of the cab and holding out an outstretched hand. With a giggle she took it and let him pull her out. She looked up at the large gates as Chandler quickly paid the driver. He then took a couple of steps so he was behind her before sliding his arm around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder, "so?" he asked, "what do you think?"

"I'm surprised," she confessed, her hands coming to rest on top of his where they were settled on her stomach, "I wasn't expecting this at all! But I think it'll be fun, lots of fun; I haven't been to one of these places in years."

He placed a kiss on the side of her head, delighted with her response, "I figured it would be fun to get away from reality for a while and just enjoy ourselves. I would have taken you to Disney so you could yell at Donald Duck about his middle name but we would have to have gone for at least a couple of days and well, I figured our friends might have noticed we were gone. So I thought this place would be a good alternative and I can sneak you back home before you turn into a pumpkin and anyone notices."

"A perfect plan," she chuckled, "who knew you could be so sneaky?"

"One of my many hidden talents Ms. Geller," he grinned in response.

She raised her eyebrows at that, since she'd recently found a secret talent of his that she truly enjoyed, and couldn't wait for him to display it again. She bit her bottom lip in anticipation for their next kiss.

They stared at each other for a moment, his eyes dropped to her lips as if he could sense her thoughts. Eventually, he cleared his throat and offered her a cute little smile. "Come on," he finally stepped away, his hand finding hers and tugging her along.

Monica happily followed as instructed, joining the queues at admission. She understood why he brought her here; he was right, she needed to escape. She needed something to do. Something to get her mind off of Pete and the wedding that didn't happen and all the people she let down. Something to make her move on from Pete and to stop pushing down her obvious feelings about the man in front of her...who was bouncing with excitement...maybe he'd brought them here partly for himself too she concluded with a smile.

The queue moved quick and before she knew it they were through the turnstile and into the park. It was loud and exciting with a buzz in the air that just crackled. A vast contrast to the silent apartment she thought she'd be spending the day in. She loved it!

"So where do you wanna go first?" Chandler asked, unfolding the park map."I don't mind," she chuckled, loving this light-hearted boyish side of him. It had always been there, but she hadn't seen it much in the last six months. Maybe today was about healing both of them.

"Well, it's split over 4 zones."

"Zones?"

"Uh huh," he said excitedly, his eyes still on the colorful bit of paper. "this place is bigger than I thought, oh there's a water zone."

His excited blue eyes lifted to hers and she couldn't help but let out a laugh at his total enthusiasm. She couldn't remember seeing them so alive recently.

"So, where to first?" Monica asked with a wide grin.

"This is meant to be your treat," he pointed out, "what do you wanna go on?"

"How about something gentle first, you know, like a warm up, before we hit any of the scary stuff?" she suggested.

"Ok, sure," he shrugged casually, "anything in mind?"

She studied the brightly colored map for a moment before a grin came to her face, "yep," she grabbed his hand and started walking.

"You're not gonna tell me?" he asked amused as she dragged him along the yellow tarmac path which weirdly reminded him of the wizard of oz.

"Nope," she chuckled, "where would the fun be in that?"

He couldn't help but laugh, he was loving seeing her like this. Just relaxed and enjoying herself. He was so pleased that his plan was working already. His joy faltered somewhat as they came to a stop in front of her chosen ride.

"No way!" He deadpanned.

"Come on, you wuss," she teased, her white teeth showing.

"Wuss?" he questioned, "I'm not protesting because I'm scared! I'm protesting because it's...well, it's the teacups! Do you know what will happen to my reputation? They might take away my penis badge."

"No-one will find out," she promised chuckling, "this is my day right? I used to love the teacups ride. Please?"

Chandler looked down at her, her eyes sparkling, her teeth chewing her lip as she awaited his decision. How could he say no to that?

"Fine," he finally stated with an exaggerated sigh, "but on two conditions," she nodded, "I get to pick the next ride, and no one ever hears about this," he gestured to the incredibly unmanly ride in front of them.

"Thank you!" she grinned, pulling him into a hug.

* * *

"Would you please stop looking at that?" Chandler mock-groused over his burger.

"But it's cute," she laughed, looking down at the keyring in her hand once again.

Who would have known that the teacups would have had an official photo opportunity point; one that had an automatic camera that took your photo which you could buy after the ride. And of course she had insisted they buy the keyring version.

"It's not cute," he protested, "why couldn't we have gotten one from the rollercoaster. That would have been so much better...more manly."

"Because," she smiled, holding out the keyring for him to inspect, "it makes you look cute too. The fact that you'd take me on the teacups and that you even posed for the photo making a little heart from your hands whilst kissing my cheek...it's really sweet."

"God," he groaned, "sweet is so much worse than cute. I only did that pose because I didn't think you were actually going to buy it."

"I couldn't resist," she insisted finishing off her french fries. "So where to after lunch?"

"We should probably let our food go down for a bit. We could have a walk through the garden bit or the monorail track would be gentle."

She nodded in agreement and they finished off their food before leisurely strolling hand in hand to the section of the park which had the monorail.

"Wait look," Chandler grinned, tugging her in the direction of the games stalls he spotted. "I've gotta win you something."

"You don't have to do that!" she smiled, letting herself get dragged along.

"It's tradition," he protested.

"Only if it's a date," she pointed out and he paused, turning to look at her.

"Sorry," he swallowed, "is it too much? Cause I don't-"

"Chandler," she placed a finger to his lips, "it's all fine, better than fine. I'm having the best day and the best time with you. I know we aren't ready to date, and that my mind's all over the place right now, but I do know I'm liking this thing between us."

"Me too," he admitted with a cute, relieved smile.

"Good," she pulled him closer and their lips met. It was starting to feel weird how natural this all felt. How right it felt to hold his hand and kiss him and imagine this was a date...the first of many.

Eventually, they pulled apart and smiled at each other, "so," he cleared his throat, "are you gonna let me win you something at least?"

"You can try Bing," she chuckled, "but I think I'd be more likely to win _you_ something."

"Challenge accepted, Geller," he grinned, a glint in his eyes; he should have figured her competitive nature would cause them to go down this route. "So choose the arena," he gestured around the various game stalls and machines.

"That one," she pointed towards to water guns, before practically running towards the stall, leaving Chandler smiling fondly and shaking his head. It was hard to believe that this time last week he thought he'd never have anything to laugh at again, yet here they were. He still didn't know what he'd done to deserve this twist of fate but he welcomed it, god, he cherished it.

"Move it, Bing!"

He chuckled, casually walking over to the stall and taking the empty seat next to her.

"So," he asked, scanning the game, "what do we have to do?" he had no doubt that she'd already read and memorized the rules.

"You have to aim the water gun at the targets," she gestured at brightly painted cut outs, "and you have to see how many you can knockdown in 60 seconds." She looked at him excitedly before raising her bright red gun ready.

He loved her enthusiasm over the most stupid little things. He dug in his pants pockets and located the required change handing it over to the disinterested teenager running the stall. The luminous numbers started to countdown from 3 then a buzzer sounded and they were away, jets of water spraying onto the intended targets.

It didn't take long for Chandler to realize that he sucked at this game. Glancing over at Monica's he could see she only had 1 target left versus his 6.

"Yes! Victory!" She gloated as her final target succumbed to the water stream, her eyes sparkling, "And with time to spare."

He looked at her and did what any man would...pointed his water gun directly at her and pulled the trigger, laughing at her indignant cry. A moment later the buzzer sounded and the water shut off.

"Chandler!" she protested as he tried to reign in his laughter but he failed miserably.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist," he chuckled, trying to pull her into a hug. She resisted. "Come on, let's just say we're even for the whole pictionary incident," he suggested with a shrug and she narrowed her eyes at him, although she allowed him to pull her into a hug. "It's only a little bit of water- it will dry out. It's not like you look like you're in a wet t shirt contest...which you'd totally win…" his mind drifted off thinking about it and she elbowed his ribs, hard.

"Hey!" she protested, "focus."

"Oh I was," he teased, laughing at the mock-glare she sent his way, "alright, alright I'm sorry."

She smiled, grabbing his hand, about to suggest they go find the monorail when they were stopped by the kid at the stall.

"Want your prize lady?"

Her eyes lit up and Chandler resisted rolling his and good naturedly went and stood behind her and she perused the stalls' offerings.

"Any preference?" she teased, "I did win it for you, after all."

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"Want a cuddly bear?" she continued to poke fun at him, "or that fluffy unicorn is cute."

"Bite me," he grumbled and she laughed, knowing he was only playing around.

"I'll take that one," she pointed to the toy car, "there," she handed it to Chandler, "you'll look all manly carrying it around and you even have something to entertain Joey with later."

He continued to mock glare at her and she shoved the toy car at his chest and took his hand, leading him to the next ride.

Several hours later...

Monica held Chandler's right hand with her left and held an ice cream cone in her right. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had this much fun. She hadn't had a single healthy item to eat since the spinach in her eggs this morning at breakfast, and she hadn't ever felt this exhilarated, this excited to be away from...well, everything. A day away and Chandler is what her soul needed.

"Thanks for my ice cream," she said, looking up at him.

He grinned at her, dropping her hand and wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her up next to him. "You don't have to thank me," he said softly, "I told you that this is your day. I just want you to be happy."

She felt like a little kid who had gotten exactly what she wanted on her birthday. She held up the sweet treat in front of him, "try it. It's homemade and delicious." He leaned his head forward and when he did, she shoved it into his nose. She went into a fit of giggles as he began wiping the sticky substance off of his face with his hand, "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist," she said, just as he did earlier for the water gun incident. She was bent over, laughing, trying to stop. She finally did as they stepped out of the path next to the fence of the park, "aw, here. I have a napkin."

"Very funny," he mumbled, taking the paper from her and wiping his face.

She stepped in front of him, smiling as she put her hands on top of his, stopping his movement. "Give it back, I'll get the rest," she said, reaching for the napkin again. She took it from him and got the remaining ice cream off of his face. She threw the napkin and the last bit of the cone in the trash, turning back to him, gripping his forearms, "I'm sorry," she said, noticing his frown, "don't be mad at me."

He tried to fight the smile that came over his lips, but they both knew he wouldn't, couldn't stay mad at her long, "fine," he finally said, "but you owe me one."

She narrowed her eyes just a little and smiled as she leaned forward, kissing his cheek, then his other cheek, then placed her lips on top of his, letting them linger there for a gentle, sweet kiss. He moved his hands from her waist to grip her hips, smiling at her, "yeah, you're forgiven." Chuckling again, she leaned into his arms, hugging him tightly. He held her for a while until she backed up from him, looking into his eyes. "Are you tired?"

She took in a deep breath, "not really." Truthfully, she was tired. But she didn't want the night to end.

"There's fireworks right before the park closes, if you feel like staying."

Monica smiled, "sounds great."

He kissed her forehead and stood up straight, grabbing her hand as they walked to the open space of the park reserved for concerts and fireworks. "There's no picnic tables left, do you want to stand?"

She squeezed his hand, "I'm fine with the grass."

He smiled and led her to an empty space, sitting down first. He sat so that she she could sit in between his legs. She leaned back into his torso and he wrapped his arms around her. She sighed as that ridiculously perfect feeling washed over her.

There were people all around them, but it seemed like they were the only two people in the whole world. They talked about everything while they waited on the fireworks to start: about their friends, about the lunch with her parents, his parents, his work, way back when he'd had Thanksgivings with her family, just...everything.

God, it was so easy with him.

They both turned their heads when they heard a voice that was closer to them, right next to them, "I don't mean to bother you," an older woman said, "but I just wanted to say that you two are a very beautiful couple."

Both of them smiled, and Chandler hoped that one day soon that statement would be true, but for now, they were just friends. But to the rest of the world, as he sat here with his arms around her, he realized they probably did look like a couple.

He loved it, he loved her. And sitting here like this, talking nonsense, holding her, wasn't helping him to remember that they needed to take things slow, and that she was the one setting the pace for them. He was falling deeper and deeper into her.

He was about to answer the lady, but Monica did first, "thank you," he found himself nodding along, part of him thrilled that she hadn't corrected her.

"We're here with our grandkids," the woman continued, "and I have been watching you since you sat down. That sounds a little creepy, but you two remind me so much of me and my Walter." She waved behind her at the older man and two young boys who waved back at her, "We've been married for 53 years," she said, "and while not every second has been perfect, I wouldn't change a thing. I wish I would've married him the first time he asked me." The three of them chuckled.

"That's great," Chandler said, squeezing Monica's arm, "I hope I can make her as happy as your husband makes you."

Monica looked up at him, smiling, as their new friend continued, "I hope so too. Oh, I'll leave you alone now, I just wanted to tell you that." She bent over and patted Chandler's shoulder, "take care."

"Thanks." Chandler called as she walked back over to her family. He looked down at Monica, who was already looking back up at him. He winced, realizing she probably felt a little weird about what he'd said, "sorry," he said softly, "did I push it too far?"

She shook her head and leaned up, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, "no," she smiled, "it was very sweet."

He grinned, "I meant it," he promised sincerely, tightening his hold on her.

The lights in the park went out as the crowd cheered, the fireworks were about to start. They watched the display quietly, enjoying the different colors and explosions going off in the sky above them.

She jumped at a particularly loud bang and Chandler couldn't help but shift his gaze onto the side of her face. She was smiling in awe as the flashes lit up her face. A look of innocent wonder. She was truly beautiful.

"Aren't they amazing?" she asked, turning her head slightly, angling to look at him.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, "yeah," he wet his lips, "yeah, really amazing."

She held his gaze for a moment longer, letting the mutual shift in their relationship settle between them. Then smiling brightly at him she turned back to the display. With a soft sigh and a tug of a smile on his lips he returned his attention to the fireworks.

About an hour later, they were sitting in a cab again, his arm around her shoulders, her hands held both of his. She dropped them and sat up straight, turning towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She pulled him down, kissing him passionately.

She only moved back when she ran out of air, leaning her forehead on his, "thank you for today," she whispered, cupping his face, "it was perfect." She remembered back to this morning, when she'd thought she had a day of loneliness stretched out in front of her. She'd been dreading it.

He smiled, "you're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed it." He kissed her again, and again, wanting to get extra in before they weren't alone anymore. To memorize the feel of her lips, her taste.

Without question, he'd quit his job and take her anywhere she wanted to go every single day, just so he could spend time with her.

He couldn't get enough.


	20. Chapter 20

Two weeks later, Chandler sat quietly in the over-stuffed chair, pretending to read the paper. He wasn't. He was watching Monica pace the apartment floor, flapping and fluttering over unimportant things. She was waiting for Phoebe to arrive to take her to Pete.

Pete.

It left a bitter taste in his mouth and he didn't like it. He didn't like the idea of her seeing her ex. And it's not like he was any old ex...this man was her ex fiance, someone she was going to marry a couple of weeks ago.

"Have you got everything?" Rachel asked sympathetically, knowing exactly how her friend felt.

"Yeah," Monica swallowed, gesturing towards the out-of-place-box that sat on the coffee table. "Everything's packed and ready."

Chandler's eyes dropped to the box. He should be happy that everything left of the man fitted in that one box and once that box was gone, all traces of Pete would be. That she'd have closure and he'd have closure. Closure. God he wanted that, but he really wished she could do it without having to see him. What if it rekindled? What it they wanted one last fling for old time sake like Rachel and Barry?

He shuddered at the thought. She wouldn't do that, would she?

It would shred him into a million pieces, killing him. These past two weeks things had changed between himself and Monica in the best way possible. They were on the verge of something so exciting, the place between friendship and more. But as amazing as the last two weeks had been, as amazing as the kisses were and that they'd spent so much time together, sneaking off places and snuggling...the bottom line was they weren't officially dating. She'd have every right to change her mind and get back together with her ex millionaire.

His gut twisted, hating the idea. Everyone had told them not to rush it, that she wasn't ready. He'd shrugged their good advice aside, thinking it was more a formality. Just waiting for her to clear her mind of the abandoned wedding. But maybe they were right. Maybe they shouldn't rush it, because he wasn't ready to get involved with someone so quickly after that. What if she wasn't 100% decided? What if in all this confusion she realized that it was Pete she wanted? His heart had been crushed before the wedding and in these two weeks it had healed so quickly, proving how resilient it could be, but could it survive being torn in two again so quickly?

God, he had that feeling in the pit of his gut all over again.

"Do you have the ring?" Ross asked.

"Yeah, in my pocket," she nodded.

She looked worried, tense, and Chandler tried to tell himself she was just dreading the awkwardness. That was it.

"Can I look at the diamond one last time?" Rachel asked, "you know, say goodbye to it?"

"No!" Monica protested.

The buzzer sounded and pure dread filled Monica's face; that had to mean something. Joey was closest and hit the button and Phoebe's voice filtered through the intercom, "I'm here, I've got the engine running."

"She'll be down in a second," Joey called, opening the apartment door in preparation.

Monica took a couple of deep breaths.

"You can do this," Rachel promised. "Just have one last conversation and then bam!" she waved her hands dramatically, "it's all over."

"I can do that," she nodded, but still looked anything but sure.

"Are you sure you don't want us to come with you?" Ross asked and she quickly shook her head.

"I have to do this alone."

Chandler cringed at the words. He hated the idea of her having 'alone' time with Pete. He watched as she rolled back her shoulders and took a deep breath before a determined look set across her features. she walked over to the box and Chandler jumped up, throwing down the newspaper he hadn't read a single word of.

"Let me carry that to the cab for you," he said quickly, striding fast out of the apartment so she wouldn't have time to argue.

He waited for her in the hallway as she closed the door on their curious friends. He looked her over, her determined mask already slipping.

"Are you ok?" he asked with a wince. He wasn't terribly comfortable and he didn't know if this conversation was meant to be reassuring her or himself.

"Sure," she shrugged, "I'm fine. It will be fine, I mean it's only Pete, right?"Right," he agreed. Only Pete, he liked that, "Come on."

Slowly they descended the stairs, their arms brushing occasionally.

"What are you gonna say to him?" he asked, desperate to know. Part of him wished he could be a fly on the wall but another part of him didn't know if he'd be strong enough to watch what happened.

"I'm not sure," she admitted, "apologize, I guess, for leaving him the night before the wedding. Explain some things, hand him back his stuff, hand in my notice for work," she smiled.

And he smiled back a little, appreciating her small attempt at humor. Inside he was still worried about what could happen. Did he have any right to tell her that? Wetting his lips he glanced at her only to find her eyes already on him, "what?" he questioned.

"You know I don't feel that way about him anymore, right?" she asked, she placed a hand on his arm, causing him to falter mid-step.

He swallowed, looking over to the box to see her hand, "you say that now, but things might happen," he admitted quietly, "your feelings may return. You may realize that you made a mistake. You might-"

"That's not going to happen, Chandler."

"You can't promise that," he said quietly, avoiding her eyes.

She frowned, taking the box from him and placing it on the step behind them, turning to look at him, waiting until he reluctantly looked up.

"I can promise that," she said quietly, both hands now on his empty arms, one on each. They moved up and down reassuringly. "I've been thinking a lot these last couple of weeks and I realize now just how wrong Pete and I were. He is a great guy, but not a great guy for me."

"What makes you so sure?" his eyes begged her to squash his fears.

"Because, you've opened my eyes, showing me what it should be like," she smiled up at him. "Every kiss and touch and look...there's a spark there that I never had with him. When I think about a future with you I get goosebumps and a stupid goofy grin."

That caused Chandler's own stupid goofy grin to appear.

"We aren't even dating and yet I've had the best time with you," Monica continued. "These last two weeks have been the best I've had all year. You treat me better than I deserve, you've made me laugh when I needed to or let me cry when I needed that. You haven't pressured me or made me feel stupid for almost marrying the wrong man. You've just been incredible, Chandler." His stupid goofy grin got wider.

"Yeah?" he asked almost shyly.

"Yes," her hands came up to stroke his cheek, "You've got nothing to worry about me seeing Pete again," she promised, her eyes wide and pleading him to believe her, "I won't be having sex in his dentist chair."

"He has a dentist chair?" he frowned.

"Probably," Monica grinned, glad that the tension was easing, "but it wouldn't matter, I'm not gonna be sleeping with him on any piece of furniture, okay? I'm not interested in him."

He looked into her eyes and for a moment both were captured by the same spell. Leaning forwards they pressed their lips together. Her arms slipped around her neck, pressing her body flush against him. Their lips caressed each others' in comfort and reassurance.

Slowly they broke apart and shared a secret smile.

"Well," she sighed, her hands slipping back to his arms stroking gently, "I better go or he will wonder where I am."

She bent down, grabbing the box. Both knew it was light and she didn't need any help with it but he took it off her any way. Silently they descended the stairs, both feeling a little more comforted than previously.

They reached the door way too soon and Monica held it open for Chandler and the box. He walked through it slowly and spotted Phoebe's cab quickly. Damn.

"I guess I should give you this,"he said softly, not moving from the building step. He figured a goodbye here would be a little more private than at the cab...which contained a very curious friend.

"Thanks," she swallowed, taking the box from him, letting their fingers brush as she looked up to meet his eyes. "Trust me," she ordered softly.

"Always," he grinned, his eyes crinkling in the corners

A mutual understanding came over them and finally she nodded satisfied, breaking the eye contact. She turned and took a couple of steps away from him.

"Good luck, Mon," his voice caused her to turn and face him again, "go easy on him." At Monica's confused look, he smiled, "he's just lost the most incredible girl on the planet. I kind of feel sorry for him."

She offered him a shy smile, chuckling just a little, she walked back over to him and stood on tiptoe to place a kiss on his cheek. She cupped his face again, "You're pretty incredible too." Chandler smiled, nodding as her hand left his face, "I'll see you later."

"Count on it," he promised.

She offered him a dazzling smile, allowing herself a few more seconds to bask in this thing between them before turning and purposely heading towards the yellow taxi cab and closure.

He stayed where he was, watching as she greeted Phoebe and entered the car. They both waved goodbye to him and he watched as they drove off. Within moments he heard a horn blaring and a little grin came to his face.

That knot in his stomach was still there, but it had loosened somewhat.

Monica cringed as someone flipped them the finger and turned from the angry driver onto the much happier humming driver, "Thanks so much for driving me, Pheebs."

"Oh, no problem," she said quickly.

It was silent for a while as Phoebe drove down the street, crossing the bridge to leave the busy city.

Phoebe turned for a second and watched her friend, who stared out the window, her hands clutched tightly around the small box with Pete's belongings inside. "Are you alright?" she asked her, "you look a little pale."

Monica nodded, "I'm okay," she said, taking in a breath, "just a little nervous. I haven't seen him since the night I…" she shut her eyes, pressing her lips together.

"Broke off the wedding?" Phoebe finished for her. She only nodded in response, "you'll be fine, Mon."

Monica swallowed, "I hope so." She looked down at her lap, "I hate to let people down. I feel like I hurt him and I don't like that. He's a decent guy."

Phoebe looked over at her again as she turned down another street, "You weren't right for each other. Pete knows that. That's why he took it so well when you told him it wasn't gonna happen." Nodding her head again, she faced the front and let out a breath. Phoebe reached over and grabbed her friend's left hand, "hey, you made the right decision. I'm glad you didn't get married."

Monica sighed and seemed to relax a little, squeezing her hand, "thanks, Pheebs. I just want to get this over with so I can move on."

"With Chandler?" Phoebe asked her, looking over at her again, "oh, geez, look at you! You've got the biggest smile on your face."

Monica tried to stop, she really did, but even the mention of her future with Chandler gave her butterflies.

"Well I-"

"We all know you've been meeting up in secret," her tone was light but it caused Monica's head to snap up.

"What? We haven't-"

"Please, Monica, it's pretty obvious. Are you guys dating?"

"No!"

"Monica," she took her eyes off the road, narrowly avoiding a cyclist, who shoot her a disbelieving look.

"Really, we aren't dating," her fingers started to trace the edge of the box.

"Rachel found that photo from the teacup ride."

Monica couldn't keep from smiling at the memory, "that wasn't a date. We're just...enjoying hanging out with each other."

"And kissing….proper kissing, not just what I saw just then."

Monica frowned, how did the woman know so much all of a sudden? "How did you-?"

"I have my sources."

"Joey?" she grinned.

"Maybe," she winked, "so come on, talk to me, it's just the two of us, what's really going on?"

Monica smiled to herself, happiness bubbling up inside as she thought about Chandler and the stolen, not so secret, time they'd spent together.

"Well," she wet her lips, "we really aren't dating, we wanted to spend some time first, you know, getting over all this."

"Healing?"

"Yeah, something like that," she chuckled, "there may have been some kissing, but it's impossible not to kiss the man Pheebs. He's really, really good at it!"

Phoebe giggled, enjoying this side of her friend. She hadn't seen this light-hearted Monica for a long time. She was pretty certain that Chandler was to thank for that.

"And," Monica continued, "I'm just loving getting to see him like this. I've known the man for years, but never this way. It's like a whole new side to him and it's really really cute and," she blushed a little realizing she was gushing about Chandler but Phoebe had asked, "he's pretty perfect."

"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

Monica swallowed, ducking her head slightly, "yeah...I'm pretty sure I am." At Phoebe's look she sighed, "I've never felt like this," she started, "when you and Rachel were asking about if I was sure about Pete, and if I couldn't wait to see him when he got home, and I didn't with Pete. But with Chandler, it's like that. I literally miss him all the time. I miss him right now. I can't wait for the next touch, the next kiss," she let out a satisfied sigh.

"Wow," Phoebe said, "I've never seen you like this. Not with Richard, not with Pete, not with anybody."

Monica leaned over and grabbed her shoulder squeezing it, "I hope you, Rachel, Ross, and Joey find someone that gives you this amazing feeling."

Phoebe nodded, "Me too, Mon."

She smiled back at her friend and tried to focus on anything but the task she had to do in a few minutes.

"I just want to get through this thing with Pete." She looked down at the box, suddenly getting nervous all over again.

"He doesn't know about you and Chandler, does he?"

"Uh, no. He doesn't. And he's not going to." Phoebe nodded, "he actually asked me one time if I had feelings for Chandler. We almost had a argument about it."

"You never said!" Phoebe raised her eyebrows, "what did he say?"

"He told me that Chandler and I were 'a little too close' and that I should 'back off from him some'. I told him he was crazy, and I wasn't going to push any of my friends away." She shrugged a shoulder.

"I'm glad you didn't let that happen," Phoebe replied.

Monica shook her head, "I wouldn't, but that's all in the past now." She took in a shaky breath as Phoebe's cab turned again, their destination getting closer and closer, "and once I get finished with this, get over this weirdness, Pete will be in the past." Phoebe rolled up to a stop sign, looking over at her, "gotta get through this."

"You will," Phoebe assured her, "and then, when you're done, you can get serious with Chandler. Really serious." She waggled her eyebrows.

Monica's eyes grew bigger, "Oh, I um-"

"What are you waiting for?" Phoebe asked, interrupting the denial that was sure to come out of her friend's mouth next, "there's nothing that will be in your way in a little while. You are clearly ready."

Monica looked out the window for a second and then back over at her friend, "yeah, Pheebs, you might be right. I think-" a smile spread from one side of her face to the other, "I think I am."

"Then just get through this. Go in there, all Monica Geller-like and do it!" Phoebe sounded like a cheerleader, and Monica smiled at her effort. She took in a deep breath as the tall gates slid open and Phoebe drove into the large driveway. She drove around the water feature and parked the cab up into a space. It looked so out of place here that Monica would have giggled if it hadn't been for the circumstances. The engine shut off and she stared out of the window at the mansion that was supposed to be hers. It felt strange to be here.

"Are you going to be ok?" Phoebe asked from the driver's seat.

"Sure," she muttered, her hands still clutching the box on her lap.

"Do you want me to wait?" her friend asked, "I'm more than happy to, honestly, I don't have any other plans for today."

"No, that's, uh, that's ok, I can do this."

"You'll be fine," her blonde friend promised. "Just go in there and talk to him and get it over with and then you can move on." Monica nodded, she understood. She shivered at the fact that moving on from Pete meant that she could be with Chandler. "Plus," Phoebe continued, "that security camera has been on us since we drove in. He knows you're here sitting in the driveway."

"Good point," she smiled, "it's only Pete right? I can do this."

"You can do this," Phoebe nodded. "Now go!"

Nodding more determinedly, Monica removed the much-needed seat belt and left the cab, "thanks again," she told her friend as she closed the door.

"No problem," Phoebe called through the partly opened window, "good luck, Monica."

As she approached the steps leading to the front door she heard the cab pulling away and she couldn't help feel a little trapped. Telling herself she was over-reacting and being ridiculous, she reached for the intercom and with shaking fingers pressed the buzzer.

This was it.


	21. Chapter 21

Chandler spun around in his chair when he heard his apartment door open. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw that it was Monica and not his roommate or one of their other friends; as much as he loved them it was _her_ he wanted to, no needed, to see. "Hey," he said, his voice breaking a little. He tried to read her expression, desperate to get some hint of how it went with Pete, but failed.

"Chandler," she started, as if she needed to single him out in a crowded room. She stuck her hands in the back pockets of her jeans, taking a couple of steps towards him, "what have you been up to?"

He furrowed his eyebrows together at her strange tone. It was very different from earlier in the hallway. He nodded towards the TV with his head, "oh, you know, just watched a little television."

"What did you watch?"

He swallowed, "uh, I started on Three's Company and then I…" He stopped. This wasn't important at all. He reached for her hips so that he could pull her closer for a kiss, but she stepped back and his hands fell to his sides instead, unsure, "Are you alright?"

Monica's blue eyes met his, nodding a little, "I'm fine."

He narrowed his eyes at her, "You seem...different."

"No, no. Everything's fine."

"Then, can I get a kiss?" He tried to smile, but he couldn't, worry taking over his face. He took a couple of more steps towards her and caught her hips, pulling her body up next to his. She backed away from him again.

"Monica..." He started to protest, but pressed his lips together and then let out a sigh. He had to swallow again and force the words out of his mouth, "how did it go with Pete?" He'd made up his mind earlier that he didn't want to talk about the meeting with Pete. She'd promised him that nothing would happen, and he trusted her, so there was no need to talk about it and bring up that horrible knot in his stomach.

But the way she was looking at him now, the way her eyes looked tearful, he needed to know what happened back there.

Her hands left her pockets to wring together in front of her. She cleared her throat, "there's something we should talk about."

Chandler reached for her hands, holding them down in the middle of them, but she pulled away from him. He cleared his throat, and ran a hand through his hair before sticking them in his pockets. "What is it?"

She rolled her shoulders back, taking a breath. "When I got to Pete's house, he started to help me pack up my stuff that was there. We laughed a little, and then he…" she had to stop to rub her palms against her shirt, "we started talking about things, and I realized how much fun he used to be and how much…"

"No!" He almost yelled, shaking his head.

"Chandler…"

"No, just stop," he said, pressing his eyes shut, this couldn't be happening, "I don't think I want to hear the rest of this." He finally opened his eyes to look at her, the hurt clearly evident in his eyes, "you said that you wouldn't do this." He hated that his voice was broken, but she was literally killing him from the inside out, "how could you do this to me?"

She crossed her arms in front of her, "how can you expect me to leave him and jump in another relationship with you and not give him another chance? I was engaged to the man. He loves me!"

" _I_ love you!" He shouted, before lowering his voice, "you don't love him...you can't."

She scoffed slightly, shaking her head in denial, " you are not in love with me, Chandler. You just think you are. And I didn't give Pete a fair chance, broke things off too soon."

"Monica…" He started, but she had already turned her back on him, heading towards the door, "no, wait. Please?"

She let out a long breath, "what is it?"

"Tell me this isn't real." He pressed his lips together for a second, "please tell me it's not true...it can't be."

Please God, no...it couldn't be true.

Couldn't be…

Chandler sat up quickly, breathing hard, panic coursing through his veins. His eyes shot around the room as he tried to make the distinction between what was real and what wasn't. He looked down at his watch and learned that he'd fallen asleep about a half an hour ago. With a relieved sigh, he tried to regulate his breathing as he wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead.

"Holy shit," he whispered to himself, flopping his head back against the chair. It wasn't true. It hadn't happen.

What a nightmare.

* * *

"It's open, Monica," came Pete's crackly voice instantly through the intercom. She winced slightly, avoiding looking at the camera as she pushed against the door and entered the large OTT hallway.

As she stood there looking around she realized something - that she wasn't upset that she wouldn't be living here in this mansion. There was no pang of regret for the future she had rejected. It was a little unsettling...she'd expected to feel something.

"Hi."

She looked up and met the eyes of the man she had rejected and swallowed, looking down. This was gonna be hard, but worth it. She just had to get through this conversation and then she'd have the closure on this chapter in her life that she craved.

"Hey Pete," she grimaced awkwardly, suddenly nervous, "uh, how have you been?"

"Well, I don't know if you heard, but I got dumped the night before my wedding." His words made her look down at the floor, "at least it wasn't at the altar, right?"

She looked up surprised but saw his attempt at a smile; he was trying to lighten the situation with humor and she offered him a small grin in appreciation of his efforts.

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't be," he reassured her, taking the box from her easily and briefly glancing at its contents. He hadn't stayed around her place very often, preferred the comforts of his plush home, so there wasn't much in there. "We made the right decision, Monica, I can see that now," he shrugged. "I'm just glad you realized before and not further down the line." Monica nodded in agreement, "I hate the idea of divorce, especially as we didn't go for prenups...imagine how much you could have cost me." He was joking again but she still winced slightly.

"How did your family take it?" she asked, following him into the main living room.

"Ok," he shrugged slightly, "my parents don't fully understand, but they're a little old fashioned," he dismissed. "My brothers and I have been going drinking a lot, so fairly mixed. Yours?"

"Yeah, surprisingly ok," she informed him, "everyone's been really supportive."

"I'm glad," he said softly, his eyes running over her, "you look terrific by the way, breaking up with me really suits you."

"Thanks, I think," she grinned sadly, "I am sorry though, Pete. I really wish I had figured it out long before everything. I honestly never meant to hurt you and-"

"I know," he swallowed, cutting her apology short before trying to smile himself, "I get it, I do."

She met his eyes and nodded as an understanding passed between them.

"Thank you for not making this any harder," she said, appreciating again just what a decent man he really was. "Here," she reached into her pocket and pulled out the sparkling ring. She glanced at it one last time before slowly holding it out for him. Pete's eyes fell on it and he swallowed before accepting it. "You're a great guy Pete," she told him, "you're sweet, smart, nice and someday you're going to make some woman really happy."

He nodded, looking down at the jewelry he held, the ring he'd given to her when he wanted to be in her life forever, "just not you."

"No," she shook her head, folding her arms to reassure herself, "not me."

He took one last look at the ring and then slid it into his pants' pockets, "I guess this is goodbye," he said softly.

"Yeah, I guess so," she said quietly, "but if you ever need anything or need to talk-"

"Sure," he swallowed, both knowing he'd never take her up on her offer.

"Oh," Monica suddenly remembered, "about work-"

"You don't have to quit," he told her and she shook her head.

"Yes, I do, it wouldn't be fair to you."

"My restaurant needs a chef and you're a damn good one," he admitted, "so it would be _very_ fair to me as it will make me lots of money."

She smiled a little, tucking her hair behind her ear as she contemplated it for a moment, "no, I'm sorry," she finally decided, it would be weird and she couldn't imagine it going down well with Chandler. "I think it's best for both of us if we have a clean break."

"Ok," he reluctantly agreed, looking around the room as if trying to find the right words. "Take care of yourself, Monica. I mean that."

She looked at him one last time, "you too, Pete," she said sincerely, before she turned and silently left.

It felt strange, surreal almost. There was a slight sadness but more for Pete himself than anything else. She felt bad that her decisions had changed _his_ future as well as hers. Yet, other than the guilt, she was surprised that she'd felt nothing else towards him. She'd expected that seeing him again would cause...some sort of feelings. She was supposed to marry him just two weeks ago, had thought he was the love of her life but there was nothing there. She could say with 100% certainty that she didn't want that life with Pete. That she made the right choice.

She was grateful the 'last goodbye' hadn't been too bad or emotional. She had expected it to be a lot worse and almost couldn't believe she'd put it off for two weeks, but at least it was done now.

Pete was officially out of her life.

Monica started to walk up the driveway, her shoes crunching on the gravel. She knew she should have called a cab, a real one, or Phoebe, but she remembered there was a bus stop a mile or so up the street. It was a nice day out and she could do with a walk. Her mind had been so busy worrying about seeing Pete, it was almost overwhelmed that it was over. That she now had that precious closure, she was free to start thinking about her future and moving on. Moving on with one man in particular.

Chandler.

A smile started to spread across her face as her thoughts involuntarily turned to him. The man was pretty damn incredible. He'd been beside her these last few weeks, supporting her throughout. Whether it was holding her when she cried, or making her laugh when she was down. Or little things like entertaining her to keep her mind from going places or just sitting next to her, his hand or foot or shoulder touching hers in a silent comfort.

She thought back to Phoebe's words from earlier. She had seen such a different side to him since the wedding. She'd always loved him as a friend, there had been a bond between them that she didn't have with the others. But now, to have him look at her like he did, to have him look out for her and treat her like she was his world.

Phoebe was right, what _was_ she waiting for?

* * *

Chandler paced his apartment floor with a nervous energy, restlessly spinning one of the line of foosball men. He hated waiting. He wanted to be there with her, to see what was going on and to make sure she was handling it okay.

She hadn't been gone long, only a couple of hours, but his palms were sweating with nervousness and anticipation. Damn that nightmare. He shouldn't be so insecure, he knew he shouldn't. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, because he did, but it was the fact there was a serious history between the two of them.

Frustrated at where his thoughts were going, he ran a hand over his face, trying to think of something else.

 _Anything_ else.

The duck crossed his path offering a quack and he nodded, deciding that if he could think about the duck, then he could take his mind off of Monica and Pete. He frowned at that, but gave it a try.

It didn't work. He was still thinking of Monica and Pete. Pete and Monica.

God, he didn't even like the two names together.

It was three weeks ago all over again. He was here alone, and Monica was with _him_. He groaned, "okay, something else. Think about something else," he said to nobody, since Ross, Rachel, Joey, Phoebe went to a movie in the cab. He expected they just wanted to get away from him and his agitated state.

Maybe he should've gone with them, so it would take his mind off of the waiting... but he needed to see her after the Pete thing. As soon as she returned he needed the verdict. He couldn't stand it.

He looked at the TV in the room, staring at it's blank screen for a second before stepping over to it, clicking the power button on the remote. Three's company came on and a shiver ran through him, quickly shutting it off. As soon the colors on the screen disappeared, his apartment door opened and he whipped around, staring at her beautiful face.

"Hey," she said to him, smiling a little.

He threw the remote onto the chair and stepped over to her, "hey," he swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to speak even toned so she wouldn't think he was being a jealous almost-but-not-really-boyfriend. "H-how did it go?"

She looked at him, a smile still on her face from seeing him, "it went okay. He was very nice and understanding. There was no yelling. Nobody was angry. All things considered it went very smoothly."

Chandler let out a breath and nodded, "good." He took a few steps forward, reaching for her hand in her folded arms, "I'm glad you had a great time," at her puzzled look, he let out a nervous chuckle to let her know he was joking, "but please don't ever go again. Not that I was worried..."

She took his free hand, shaking her head and looking into his gorgeous eyes, "there's no reason to be."

A smile spread across his face before he pulled her into a hug, "I know."

Monica shut her eyes, holding him tightly. How could a hug, something they'd done a million times before, make her feel so good? She could stay like this forever and know she'd be happy. He'd take care of her and make sure of that.

He moved back from her just a little, "So, there's something I need to say and it's...kind of difficult," she announced.

His grip on her tightened a bit, thoughts of that horrible, horrible nightmare returning to him. He looked down at her, staying quiet, trying to wait on her to speak, and trying to ignore his rapid heart rate. She was quiet too long, and he was too nervous to wait on her anymore, "Um, what did you need to tell me?" He asked, and when her eyes broke contact with his, he suddenly got sick to his stomach with worry, "oh, god, if you're about to tell me that you and Pete...I can't hear it. I can't take..."

She chuckled at his ridiculousness, placing a finger on his lips, effectively shutting him up. "not even close."

He cleared his throat and pressed his lips together, "okay."

She smiled at the adorable nervous look on his face, "it's not bad."

He raised his eyebrows and relaxed a little, "well, that's good."

"It is," she said softly, and narrowed her eyes at him as a thought crossed her mind, "but maybe I should wait until tomorrow to tell you." She smiled at him to let him know she was kidding.

"That would be just plain _mean_ ," he let a smile cross his face, she was being playful and so could he. He leaned down and gave her a soft, sweet kiss, "and if you don't tell me now," he leaned down even further, kissing that spot on her neck again, "I'll…"

"You'll what, Bing?" she said to him, pushing on his chest playfully.

"I was going to say _not_ kiss you anymore," he replied, "but I don't think I could do that."

She laughed again, grabbing his shirt and kissing him deeply this time. His threat would be a good one, she thought, because she didn't think she could not kiss him either. When they broke apart, she leaned her forehead on his. He kissed the tip of her nose, staying quiet to allow her to say what was on her mind.

She took in a deep, shaky breath and moved her head so that she could look into his eyes. "Last night during the movie, I looked at you, and I could feel it."

He furrowed his eyebrows, "feel what?"

She smiled at him and gripped his forearms, "Shh, honey, let me get this out." He pressed his lips together and nodded, and she looked down at his shoes, "when I'm with you, I act different. In a good way. I smile more and laugh more, I don't have to pretend everything's okay when it's really not." She lifted her head to look into his blue eyes, "when I'm with you, I can drop the fake smile and put on a real one." She smiled at him as a tear rolled down her cheek and he raised his hand to her face, using his thumb to wipe it away, "I don't feel hurt and alone when I'm with you, instead, I feel safe and loved. You're so easy to talk to and you listen to me," she took a second to take him in. He was staring at her, a slight smile on his lips, listening intently, "when I'm with you, I'm happy. You're my very best friend, and," she took a deep breath, " I think I might love you, too. I am ready to give this a try." She gestured between them like she did a few weeks earlier when he'd came to dance with her.

God, he didn't know what to say. He never, in a million years, thought he'd be standing in his kitchen with her, pressed up against her, while she said she might love him too. He never wanted to let this moment go. He never wanted to let _her_ go.

He realized that she was probably waiting on him to say something, to acknowledge that she said that perfect speech a few seconds ago. "Thank god," he said softly, and lifted his hands to cradle her face as she smiled, "Monica," he breathed, smiling back at her, "you have no idea…" He pulled her head up to his lips. He gave her a slow, deep kiss. When they broke again, he ran his hands down her arms, "I think I need you to pinch me."

She moved her head back from his, confusion on her face, "what?"

"Well, see, I've had this dream a hundred times before and…"

She chuckled softly, raising her hand to rest on his chest, "you're not dreaming."

Chandler's smile grew even bigger, and he leaned down to kiss her again, "then it's a dream come true."

* * *

 **Hehe we totally had you going in the beginning, didn't we? :) We've got one more chapter to go, and it's the epilogue! So sad this is almost over! We hope that you've enjoyed reading it as much as we've enjoyed writing it! As always, we'd appreciate any feedback! Thanks so much to everyone for the great reviews!**


	22. Chapter 22

1 Year, 6 Months Later…

With a heavy sigh, Chandler squeezed his fist tighter together as he knocked on the door, his heart was surely about to beat out of his chest and land on the concrete ground below him.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking around the outside of the house as he waited for the door to open. He hadn't been here in a long time, since his senior year in college, he guessed. He smiled as he remembered those days.

God, he was such an idiot back then.

The door finally opened and he smiled at the person on the other side, "hi, Mrs. Geller-um, Judy, how are you?" he asked somewhat awkwardly.

"Chandler!" She opened the door wider, "come in, come in." Chandler nodded and walked passed her and she held the door open, looking outside, "Is Monica not with you?"

"Uh, no, she's at home." Chandler winced, "I actually wanted to talk to you and Mr. Geller, if I could."

Judy smiled, closing the door and then hitting him lightly on the arm, "Chandler, how many times have we told you to call us Jack and Judy? You've known us for years, please."

He chuckled softly and ran a hand through his hair, "sorry, I uh, forget sometimes."

She laughed and walked ahead of him into the living room, "have a seat," she told him and then went back over to the staircase, looking up and yelling loudly, "Jack, come down. The boy who hates Thanksgiving is here."

Chandler laughed as she walked back into the living room, "I was just thinking about that. It feels like that was a million years ago." He looked around the living room, not much had changed around here at all from his college days.

Judy chuckled, "can I get you anything to drink?"

Chandler shook his head, "no, no thanks. I'm okay."

Jack came around the corner shortly after, "Chandler my boy!"

"Hey Jack," Chandler said, standing to shake his hand and then sitting back down. Jack sat down next to Judy, across from him. It felt a bit like a judging panel.

"So, where's Monica? Is she working?" The older man asked, looking around for his daughter for a second before he returned his focus to Chandler.

He shook his head, he knew it was probably weird for them that he was here without their daughter, "no, um, she's at home. She doesn't know I'm here, actually."

"What's going on, Chandler? Are you and Monica having problems? Did you have a fight?" Jack asked, concern now all over his face.

Chandler chuckled nervously, "no, nothing like that. Everything is great, better than great..." He rubbed his hands together, "I um, the reason I came over was to…" he sighed. This was harder than he thought it was going to be. If he couldn't ask them, how the hell would he be able to ask Monica?

"You're making me nervous, dear. Is Monica okay?" Judy asked.

"Monica is fantastic," he replied, smiling just thinking about her. He took in a shaky breath, deciding to just spit it out, "this may be a little old fashioned of me, and I don't even know if people still do this, but I came over to ask your permission to um," he ran a hand through his hair again, this was hard, "to marry your daughter." His eyes looked up from his shoes, now flicking back and forth between the two people sitting across from them. Their expressions were impossible to read. His heart was about to beat out of his chest again, he wasn't positive that the pair of them couldn't hear it beating even from across the room.

"Well, I-" Jack started, looking over at Judy, and then back over at Chandler again, "I wasn't expecting that," he said.

Chandler didn't know what to say. He hadn't really planned to do this either, until during casual conversation Ross had mentioned that Jack said Pete never came and asked for his permission to marry his daughter, and that was the reason it didn't work out between them. And while he didn't really believe that the reason Monica didn't go through the marriage with Pete had anything to do with him not asking Jack's permission, he wanted to do the right thing. It was gentlemanly of him, and his own mother said she thought it was a great idea. Now he wasn't so sure.

Judy was quiet for too long, and that wasn't helping Chandler's nervous state, "don't you think it's a little soon?" She finally asked.

He actually laughed at that, "uh, well, no, not really. We've known each other for over ten years. We've been friends for years, and we've been dating for a year and a half."

She gave him a skeptical look as a reply, "maybe so, but you didn't even like her for a long time. You called her fat."

Chandler slammed his eyes shut as the expected ripple of pain shot through him. He hated that he did that. He wished he could go back in time and take it back, but he couldn't, and he hated that it kept getting brought up with the Gellers. "I know," he finally replied, "but that was so long ago, and I was truly an idiot then. I didn't realize what a wonderful person she was. I know that now."

Jack nodded, "she is wonderful. But she was engaged to another man not too long ago. You can't forget that."

Chandler shook his head, "She uh," he had to clear his throat, "she knows that was a mistake," he said softly. He had known this would come up and was prepared. "I love her so much. So much that it actually hurts and I know she loves me too, and I think that if I ask her to marry me…" he trailed off.

"You think she'll say yes?" Judy asked, her tone and facial expression still impossible.

Chandler bit his bottom lip for a second, "yeah, I really do." He made himself look up at the two of them and frowned when he saw them looking at each other, "you don't?"

"Monica is pretty hard to predict," Jack said slowly, "she's just like her mother in that way." Judy hit him on the arm as he continued, "are you sure you're ready to get married, Chandler? Because if I remember correctly you told us one time that you didn't ever want to get married, that committing your life to one person was crazy and that you'd always be single."

He rubbed his forehead with his thumb and forefinger, frustrated that they were stuck in the past, "that was years ago, I also used to think WHAM would last forever. The point is I'm so different now and I'm positive that I want this. I want to marry Monica, I want to wake up next to her every day, I want to fall asleep next to her every night, I want to be in her life for the rest of my days. The thought of not committing to her, of not marrying her...that's the scary thought now. I can't picture not spending my life with her...I don't want to picture that."

Judy sighed, "Chandler," she started, "I'm only wary of this because if she doesn't accept it will put such a strain on your relationship, possibly even end it. Monica is my only daughter, and I know I'm tough on her sometimes, but I love her to pieces, and I don't want to see her hurt again. She went through a lot with that whole Pete ordeal."

Chandler nodded, "I know that she did," he said softly, he had been there every step of the way, "but I'm not going to hurt her or pressure her into anything."

Judy threw a look over to her husband who nodded subtly and took over the questioning,"you were going to let her marry Pete, am I right?" he asked softly.

He blinked, not expecting to be asked that. He looked down at his shoes again, as he remembered that horrible time, before he collected himself and nodded to them, "yes." That's all he could say.

"You were going to let her marry Pete despite how you felt about her?" Jack continued.

Chandler sighed, "yes." He made himself look up, both pairs of eyes intently on him, questioning his answers, "I thought she loved Pete," he started to explain, "I thought she was happy, and she never gave me any indication that she wasn't, not until the rehearsal dinner. I wasn't going to tell her that I was head over heels in love with her when she was happy as she seemed to be."

Judy nodded only a little, "so, you were going to watch the woman you love marry another man? I'm confused. Why wouldn't you tell her how you felt when she got engaged? Or before she even got with Pete?"

Chandler groaned, this was harder than he thought it was going to be. "By the time I realized that what I felt for her was more than a crush, she was already pretty serious with Pete." He nervously played with his hands, "it wasn't about me," he finally continued, "if she was happy, and if it was him that she wanted, how I felt didn't matter. Her happiness was all I wanted. It still is. It will always be my top priority."

Jack let a smile spread across his face, "I have to admit," he started, "I've never seen my daughter happier since she's been in a relationship with you. Not with Pete, not even with Richard."

Chandler bit back a grin, "I've never been happier either. She's the best thing to ever happen to me."

Jack and Judy looked at each other, obviously having a silent conversation that Chandler didn't understand. He bit his bottom lip, waiting on one of them to say something.

"Alright." Judy finally said.

Chandler's eyes grew, and he watched as they both nodded slightly, "you can ask her to marry you," Jack added.

He let out a long sigh of relief, he felt as if he just sat through an interrogation, "thank you," he finally managed to say, resisting the urge to get up and jump up and down with happiness.

Jack and Judy stood from the couch, Judy reaching up to hug him and Jack shaking his hand, "just take care of her," Jack said softly, "she's our little Harmonica."

Chandler nodded and followed them as they walked him to the front door, "I will," he promised, "thank you so much. I'll call you guys in a couple of weeks."

"Good luck, Chandler!"

"Thank you," he offered them a final smile before turning to walk down the path.

They both smiled at him, nodding as he walked down the sidewalk.

"He really loves her," Judy said to her husband, looking up at him as he stood behind her.

"Yeah he does." Jack said smiling, "It's hard to believe that she's getting married," he said, chuckling a little, "for real this time."

"To the right man," Judy grinned.

* * *

Two weeks later, Chandler groaned, turning over and pressing the snooze button on the blaring alarm clock. He threw his arm over the woman next to him, but she was already awake, moving closer into his chest. He leaned down and kissed her forehead contentedly, closing his eyes and ignoring the fact that he needed to get up for work.

He wondered if she had fallen back asleep, her dark hair all over the pillow, her face nuzzled into his chest, her breathing calm and relaxed. He couldn't think of a more perfect sight and a soft smile touched his lips.

He moved his hand up to rub the bare skin on Monica's back. He hated to wake her, but if they didn't get up soon they'd be late, "Mon?" He called to her softly, but she only snuggled into him further. He grinned to himself, leaning down and pressing his lips to her shoulder, letting them linger there for a long moment, "Monica, honey," he said, kissing her skin again, "come on, wake up." She groaned in protest but moved her head so it was pointing up at him, still not opening her eyes. She made another cute noise and he brushed a few pieces of hair out of her face, "good morning."

She made her sleepy eyes open to look into his, "hey."

He smiled at her usual grumpy demeanor in the morning. Pre-coffee Monica was always a fun sight, "you can't go back to sleep," he reminded her gently as he saw her closing her eyes, "you're gonna have an apartment full of hungry people wanting breakfast soon."

"Just five more minutes," she mumbled, snuggling closer into him, trying to prevent his escape too.

He chuckled, tightening his hold on her. They could waste a few more minutes together. He grinned recalling the reason she was so tired...it had been a damn good night.

Time passed too quickly and before he knew it the snooze alarm started and they both groaned in protest.

"Come on," he sighed, starting to free himself from her tight grasp. "We've gotta get up, otherwise I'll have to impose a 'no sex on a school night' rule."

She chuckled deeply, rolling onto her side to watch him as he stood up. She got a great view of his perfect buttocks as he stretched and hunted for his boxers, causing her to sigh contently. Sadly, he pulled up his boxers and threw on a t shirt. "I don't think either of us would survive that," she pointed out as he shrugged on his robe.

"True," he chuckled, turning to see she had made no effort to move. "Come on, don't make me take drastic measures."

She smirked, yawning again, "just try, Bing."

"I might," he said confidently, smiling as he thought that hopefully someday soon, she might also be a 'Bing', "but I'm pretty sure I just heard Joey come in. Now he's hungry and there's no food cooking so he'll probably try and fend for himself...and yesterday he mentioned something about wanting pancakes. Just think of a hungry Joey loose in your kitchen with eggs and flour and syrup and…

"You don't play fair," she grumbled as she sat up quickly and climbed out of her bed

"I know," he grinned, holding out her dressing gown for her, helping her on with it and placing a kiss to the side of her neck.

"Thank you," she murmured, leaning back in his embrace for a moment before stepping away and starting to make the smiled, it was a sight he'd seen hundreds of times by now, but it was one of her quirks that he just loved. Hell, he loved most of her little eccentric habits, but watching her make the bed, he learned a while ago to never try and help, just seemed so intimate and domestic.

"I'll go start the coffee," he said, walking over to share one last kiss before he left the room.

As expected there was no Joey or anyone for that matter and he grinned as he started the machine. He glanced at his watch, wishing he had time to eat breakfast in his sleepwear, make it feel like a weekend, but he didn't, so he headed across the hall.

Showered, shaved, and dressed in suitable work attire, Chandler left his bedroom, nodding to Joey who sat waiting for him on a barstool, "hey man," he greeted.

"Hey," Joey smiled excitedly rubbing his hands together, "so you all ready for your big dinner?"

"Well, I was planning on having breakfast and lunch first," he quipped and Joey rolled his eyes. "Yes, I'm ready. Are you? You remember what you have to do, where to be?"

"Chandler, I'm an actor, my job is remembering where to stand and what to say."

"Right," Chandler nodded, unconvinced, "so what else have you got planned for today?"

"Nothing much," Joey shrugged.

Chandler waited, raising an eyebrow...then waited some more.

"What?" Joey finally picked up on the not so subtle look.

"You have an audition today…" Joey frowned, he clearly had nothing. "You remember, you were all excited last week. It's for some commercial about biscuits."

"Oooh right!" Joey clicked his fingers, "thanks for reminding me, man. Phew, can't believe I almost forgot."

He just shook his head in disbelief, following his friend into the girls' apartment.

Monica grinned as her boyfriend and his roommate entered the apartment, "good morning."

Joey grinned back at her, all of his teeth showing in his mega-watt smile, "it's a very good morning, isn't it, Mo-ni-ca?"

Monica furrowed her eyebrows together, flipping the last pancake and reaching up to get plates out of the cabinet, "what?"

Chandler rolled his eyes at the back of Joey's head, "ignore him. He's still a little drunk from last night, aren't you, Joe?" He said his name through clenched teeth, his tone threatening.

Joey chuckled and moved over to the table, sitting down in one of the chairs.

Monica sat the stack of pancakes down in the middle of the table, then handed them empty plates and forks, "eat up. I'm going to go get changed."

Chandler smiled at her and squeezed her arm for a thank you as she passed him and went into her bedroom. As soon as the door closed, Chandler leaned over and whacked the Italian on the arm, "dude!"

"Ow!" Joey said, dropping his fork and grabbing his arm, "what was that for?"

"That was not playing it cool."

Joey rubbed his hurt arm as they turned when Rachel emerged from her bedroom, grinning as she spotted the two men at the kitchen table. She looked around the living room for any sign of Monica, then hurried over to the table, "Oh my god, I'm like, so excited!"

"Shhh." Chandler said, "Look, guys, I told you because I wanted you all to be there, but I don't want this ruined so you've all gotta chill out, okay? It's got to be a normal day."

Joey and Rachel both nodded, understanding, and then the door swung open to reveal Ross and Phoebe. They both walked over to Chandler, grabbing his arm, his shoulder.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. They were killing him.

"Are you ready? Did you like practice in front of your mirror?" Phoebe asked excitedly.

"Practice what?" Monica asked, walking across the living room towards the group at the table. Each of them turned towards her, panicked. Monica was confused again, "what's going on?"

Chandler stood and walked away from his four doofus friends, grabbing Monica's hands, "well, I didn't want to tell you until I was sure, but, I um, I'm up for a big promotion at work. I've got to interview for it. It's a pretty big deal."

Monica's face split into a grin, "oh, honey, that's great!" She pulled him into a hug, squeezing him tightly for a second, pulling back from him only a little, still holding his hands with hers, "but why didn't you tell me? I could've helped you practice."

He chuckled nervously, "well, I um, I wanted to surprise you."

"Oh," she said, a little disappointment in her voice.

"I'm sorry babe, you know how I get nervous about these kind of things and I didn't mean to tell them, but they overheard me on the phone...while you were at work."

She nodded slowly, understanding, "oh, okay, when is your interview?"

He squeezed her hands, "uh, it's um, today."

She grinned, her thumbs stroking, "you're going to do great!"

He smiled back at her, "you think?"

"No, I know! If you put your mind towards something, I know you can get what you want."

He chuckled lowly, "I sure hope so."

Monica grinned again and nodded at him, leaning up to give him a quick kiss before heading around him to the table. Chandler followed, sending a death glare towards each of them.

Chandler finished his pancakes quickly, wiping his mouth and placing his plate in the sink, "I've gotta get to work," he told them, "thanks for breakfast babe." He leaned down and gave her a kiss, letting his lips linger there for a second. He backed up from her, cupping her face, "I'll see you tonight?"

She smiled at him, nodding, "yeah, dinner at 7, right?"

"Yes." Chandler said to her, kissing her again, "I love you."

Monica smiled bigger. She adored this man, and she loved how they now said that to each other with such ease, in front of everyone, anytime one of them left the other. It was a habit she'd never get tired of, "I love you, too." She said, watching him as he walked around her and headed towards the door, briefcase in hand.

"Bye guys," Chandler said to the rest of his friends, the door shutting behind him moments later.

Rachel sighed happily, "you guys are so cute that it makes me sick."

"Yeah, you're like some old married couple." Ross added, laughing to himself at his own joke.

Monica threw him a look and smiled a little as she took some bacon and sausages off the grill, piling them onto a plate in front of Joey, "things are so great between us. I love him and he loves me, but I'm pretty sure marriage is a long way off!" She chuckled a little.

The gang shared an amused look between them.

"Why, uh, do you say that, Mon?" Rachel tried to bite back her smile, if only she knew!

Monica frowned a little picking up on their odd behavior.

"Because it's Chandler," she shrugged easily. "I love him to bits but he's never been the biggest fan of commitment." She frowned at their looks, "guys, c'mon, you know Chandler! Our relationship is stronger than ever, and I hope that as time goes by he'll get less scared by the whole idea. The important thing is that we're together- I'm not going to try and rush him into marriage."

"So if he asked you right now…?"

"I'd jump at the chance," she confirmed as if it was obvious, "of course I would, but come on, we aren't even living together. Pigs have a better chance of flying than Chandler dropping onto one knee any time soon."

"You're probably right," Phoebe said quickly, a little worried they were stepping onto dangerous ground. Chandler would actually kill them if they let his plans slip. She winced, kicking Joey under the table as he waved the bacon on the end of his fork through the air making an airplane sound.

* * *

"So, I told him….Chandler? Are you listening to me?"

His head shot up, meeting her amused eyes from across the restaurant table, "what?"

"What's with you tonight? she asked, her smile softening the words. "Are you alright? Are you worried about whether or not you got the promotion? Or are you still tired from last night?" Her eyes darkened slightly at the memory, "because we can always skip dessert and head back early? Maybe catch some tv or something?"

"No!" he protested a little too loudly, looking nervously at his watch, "no, it's too early to head back yet. I'm fine, really I am. And skip dessert? What madness is this?"

She smiled, reaching out to take his hands across the table, staring at him a moment, "you know I love you, right?"

He smiled back, his heart skipping a beat. He didn't think he'd ever get tired of hearing her say that.

"I love you too," he promised, his hands caressing hers. "You're incredible. Did I mention how beautiful you look tonight?"

She blushed slightly, "thank you."

"Though in fairness you look beautiful most nights...and most mornings, I love waking up beside you every morning," he confessed.

"Me too," she smiled, taking a deep breath, "which is why I was wondering...and you can totally say no if you don't want to..." Chandler frowned, at her nervous babble, "see I was thinking maybe it's time to, that our relationship is...but I don't want to rush you…"

Chandler's frown deepened. She wasn't, no she couldn't be...proposing? No, that was his job. Had her parents told her and she decided he was taking too long? "Monica?" he gently prompted her to get to the point.

"Right, ok, see I was wondering if you wanted to….move in with me. I know it's a really big step and if it's too fast or anything I totally understand and I don't want to rush you or pressure you or-"

"Mon," he interrupted her for a second time. He smiled at her nervous rambling. Add that to the long list of reasons he loved her, "I'd love to."

"See I just thought that we might be ready to...wait did you say 'yes'?"

"Yep," he grinned, trying not to laugh as he took in her shocked expression. Smiling, he reached over, gently placing a finger under her chin and pushed up to close her gaping mouth.

"Really?" the shock had worn off and a wide smile rapidly spread across her face. "Really?" she was getting louder, her eyes alive and sparkling. She was up out of her seat in seconds, coming around his side of the booth. Her hands cupped his amused face, "oh my god!" she looked like she was going to cry. "We're, we're gonna move in together? This is huge."

"Looks like it," his laugh was cut off by her lips pressing firmly to his.

When she pulled back Chandler couldn't help but smile, she was so happy, so excited over moving in together. How was she going to react to his proposal? Part of him wanted to forget the big plan and just propose to her right here, right now. Just desperate to see those blue eyes stay as lit up as they currently were.

"This is so exciting!" she beamed, her cheeks starting to hurt. "We're going to live with each other."

"Yeah, we are," he smiled back, thrilled that there was no doubt niggling in any corner of his occasionally insecure and scary mind. It was just more proof that he'd found the one. Proof that he was meant to spend his life with her and no one else. He suddenly felt a rush of love for this woman go through him and he needed to kiss her, sealing his lips to hers again.

As the kiss ended he smiled at her again. The waitress chose that moment to clear the table and ask if they wanted to see the dessert menu.

"Yes please," Chandler nodded to her.

"Can't we just head home?" Monica whispered as the woman disappeared to fetch the requested menus.

He tried to glance at his watch without her noticing. Still too early.

"I want to treat you to dessert. To celebrate!"

"We can celebrate at home," she whispered and he swallowed hard. He needed to stay strong.

"I-I want dessert."

"We have some whipped cream in the fridge," she purred and it almost undid him.

"Here are your menus," the waitress smiled as she handed them each a laminated sheet and walked away.

"Thank you," Chandler murmured, trying to ignore Monica's hand running up and down the front of his shirt. "Quit it," he ordered, not really mad. "I need to focus on the menu."

"You don't need a menu," she whispered, her lips pressing a few butterfly kisses along his jaw, to his cheek and moving to his sensitive ear, "whipped cream and me."

He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to move out of her tempting embrace.

"T-that sounds great, but maybe that can be for dessert number 2 because right now I really have a craving for apple pie."

She frowned at him, trying to work out if he was being serious, "you're choosing apple pie over sex?

"Noooo," he protested, "I want both."

She was still frowning at him, "you seriously want apple pie now?"

"Please? I've had a craving," he tried his puppy dog look and as predicted she caved.

"Fine, one slice and make it quick

With apple pie consumed and paid for, the couple made it out onto the sidewalk. His arm automatically going over her shoulders and pulling her to him.

"Fancy walking the long way back? It's nice out," Chandler suggested.

"But the sooner we get back the sooner we can get to putting that cream to good use."

"As tempting as that sounds, I think I need a bit of time for my meal to go down. Come on, a nice slow, gentle walk. More of 'us' time."

She relented, "okay. Sounds nice." They stayed in their embrace, taking a leisurely pace as they strolled towards Central park. She relaxed into his embrace, replaying the conversation from dinner. She couldn't believe he wanted to move in with her. That he had agreed so readily. She loved this man so much it was painful at times.

They walked slowly, taking in the view and updating each other on news of each of their friends. Monica was laughing at something Joey said yesterday when they came around the corner, facing the Loeb Boathouse. "The boathouse is so beautiful this time of year."

"Let's go in there," Chandler said, "I want to see the lake from the view inside."

Monica looked at him, confused, "we've eaten in there a thousand times. You've seen it."

He shrugged a shoulder, "not at night, come on, please?" He stuck his bottom lip out in a slight pout and she couldn't resist laughing at him and giving in.

"Fine," they headed towards the building. "Wow, look at all the lights," Monica said, pointing up to the trees surrounding the building, "must be a special occasion or something."

"Must be," he commented.

They walked towards the end of the restaurant, where an arch was set up with rose petals all over the floor, lights on all around, "Oh my," Monica said in awe, "There's gonna be a wedding tomorrow. This is beautiful."

Chandler smiled and stepped up to her slowly, "yes, you are."

She turned around, smiling at him, "that's so sweet," she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him.

He moved back from her a little and cleared his throat, breathing deep to try and slow down his rapid heart rate, "This isn't for a wedding," he said softly and she brought her eyes up to his again.

"What do you mean?"

He smiled down at her, squeezing her hands, "this is for you."

She looked around the room, "wh-what are you-" she had to take a breath, "what are you talking about?" Chandler dropped her hands and reached in his pants pocket, pulling out a small, black velvet box before getting down on one knee.

Her mouth fell open and she covered it with one of her hands, in shock, watching him carefully, "Mon I-" he tried to regulate his breathing again, "I was always afraid of this moment. I was afraid to fall in love, to commit my life to one woman." He grabbed her hand, with his free one, the need to touch her too great, "but then I met you. And everything changed. I'm not afraid anymore." He swallowed, "You're my very best friend, the greatest thing in my life, and I want to spend the rest of my days next to you," he let go of her hand so that he could open the box, he smiled at her, "Monica, will you marry me?"

She raised her hand to wipe the tears from her face, "yes, of course I will." He placed the diamond and sapphire ring onto her finger, standing and grabbing her, placing a slow, passionate kiss on her lips.

"I love you," he said to her, holding her to his body as tight as he could before diving into another kiss.

When they broke, he lifted his hands to wipe her tears of happiness again, "oh my god, Chandler," she said to him, her voice broken as she spoke, "it's beautiful."

He squeezed her arm, leaning down, kissing her forehead, "I'm so ecstatic you said yes," he locked his hands behind her, "I'm so happy right now."

Monica looked up from staring at her new ring, and smile "I love you."

Chandler smiled as the silence in the rest of the room was broken by the applause of Ross, Joey, Phoebe, Rachel, and Jack and Judy. Monica laughed in surprise finally letting go of Chandler, moving over to accept the hugs of her friends and parents.

"You did it, man!" Joey said, patting Chandler's back excitedly, "how do you feel?

Chandler smiled, "well, she said yes," he glanced over at her, but then looked back at Joey, "so I'm pretty damn relieved."

Ross gave him a hug, "you're going to be my brother, dude."

He chuckled, patting Ross on the back, "yeah."

The girls came over to him, hugging him tightly at once, "Chandler, that ring?" Rachel started, fanning herself a little, "it's perfect."

He ran a hand through his hair, "you think? Does she like it?"

Phoebe scoffed, "Does she? If she doesn't that baby is mine."

"Oh Chandler," Judy said, walking over from hugging Monica, "all of this was so romantic and sweet. I can't get over the fact that you planned all of this without Monica knowing." She gave him a hug, "congratulations."

"Thank you," Chandler said, and shook Jack's hand immediately after.

"Welcome to the family, son," Jack said, "you did a great job."

Chandler smiled, nodding his head, accepting the praise from his soon to be father-in-law, "thanks."

After everyone had their celebratory champagne and went their separate ways for the night, Chandler and Monica laid in bed, his arms around her tightly.

Monica held her left hand up, the small amount of moonlight in the room catching on the diamond, making it sparkle, "it's so beautiful." She said softly.

He leaned down and placed his lips on her shoulder and she could feel him smile, "I know it's not-"

She held up her right hand, "don't even finish that sentence." She didn't want any comparisons to her last engagement ring. This ring was just so much more her. "It's perfect, Chandler, it really is and I love the sapphires."

"I'm glad you like it," he grinned, his hand capturing hers, his thumb brushing her ring finger. He'd known it was the perfect ring when he'd seen, it but on her it looked so much more amazing than it had nestled amongst the velvet in the box. "It even has Rachel's approval," he joked, but with a hint of pride.

She chuckled, "and that's not easy. Especially not with jewelry."

He chuckled too, unable to resist pulling her closer to him and placing another kiss on her shoulder. Both had matching huge smiles which neither could quite shake off.

"Chandler?"

"Hmm?" he asked curious, picking up instantly her slightly uncertain tone.

"Do you, uh," she swallowed, her fingers tracing patterns on his chest, "do you know what sort of wedding you want? I mean I know us girls dream about it but have you already planned anything or have your heart set on something?"

"No," he frowned slightly, not sure yet where this was going, "I never really even thought of marriage until Mr Heckles died; even then it was just the need to find someone I could love enough to want to marry, never the actual wedding. When we got together I knew that I wanted to spend my life with you, and picking out the ring and planning the proposal was kinda neat, but beyond that?" he shrugged a little, praying he was giving her the right answer, "no, not really. Picturing you in a white dress as you walk down the aisle is as close as I've come...why?"

"It's just, I don't really want a huge wedding," she said quietly, "I know that's what everyone will expect but I kinda already had that, well nearly had that, but it wasn't what I thought it'd be, it wasn't personal it was just expensive and stressful. I want ours to be different to that, I want this to be us...unless you want a big wedding because I can-"

"Hey," he interrupted her, rolling onto his side and encouraging her to do the same so he could see her face. "The wedding bit isn't the important part for me, I just wanna be married to you, ok? We can go elope if that's what you want? Or Vegas? We could do Vegas?" She chuckled, shaking her head as she placed a finger to his smiling lips."No Vegas?" he guessed.

"No," she laughed, "I was more thinking something small but beautiful. Something elegant and intimate with our close family and friends. Would that be ok?"

"Are you kidding?" he grinned, his hand cupping a cheek, "I would love that. No weird distance relatives or people you pretend to like, or people you feel you have to invite."

Monica closed her eyes a moment, savouring the feel of his hand on her face. She felt him move slightly and a moment later his lips were on hers. She sighed happily into the kiss, this man was simply perfect. And he was all hers, forever.

"You know," he said as they pulled apart, his eyes on hers as his fingers lightly traced through her hair, "it's hard for me to believe this reality," he was speaking barely above a whisper, "a couple of years ago I thought I'd never get to even hug you again," he squeezed his eyes shut at the thought; remembering the pain and anguish he'd suffered then, "and now I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I just..."

She sighed, "nothing would've stopped me from hugging you," she said honestly, her eyes were shining with unshed tears, "I'm just so happy I get to spend the rest of my life with you, Chandler."

They mutually leaned in again, sharing a sweet kiss and he leaned his forehead against hers, "promise me something," he whispered.

"Hm?" She replied, her hand cupping his face.

"Promise me you'll never leave. That we can always work out whatever the problem is." She looked into his eyes through the darkness, and found them serious and full of concern.

"You don't have to worry about that," she said, rubbing his cheek with her thumb, the slight stubble causing her fingers to tingle.

He smiled at her, "good, thank you," he kissed her nose, "because I feel like I've finally got something right. And I don't want anything to mess that up."

"Nothing will," she promised, moving in to kiss him tenderly, "this is my happily ever after, Chandler, I never wanna lose this."

He stared into her eyes, unable to express with words everything he was feeling right now. So many emotions were coursing through him and overwhelming him; as cliched as it was, he couldn't remember ever feeling this happy and loved. Closing his eyes he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tightly to him; he just prayed she was feeling all this too.

He knew it would take a long time to sink in. That he'd probably have to remind himself every single day that he was actually engaged to Monica Geller, but he was more than okay with that.

Finally, despite everything, life was looking up for the both of them.

"Make love to me Chandler," she whispered softly.

He immediately complied, wanting to be as close and connected to her as possible. He started to kiss her, trying to put everything he was feeling for her into the kiss as his hands started to caress her perfect body.

His lips released hers to start trailing little butterfly kisses along her neck, searching for that certain spot, giving it plenty of attention when he found it.

"I love you so much," he heard her sigh.

He pulled away a moment to look into her eyes, "I love you too, Monica," he promised, "so damn much."

Their lips crashed together; he could feel her hands all over his body creating all kind of sensations. He returned the favor, loving her rich laugh as he touched a ticklish spot.

God, this was amazing, she was amazing. He vowed to spend every day reminding her of that. Vowed to cherish her and treat her how she truly deserved.

It had been a hell of a journey for the two of them, but it had turned out more than okay in the end. This really was what dreams were made of.

* * *

Okay guys, this is it! Thank you so much from the bottom of our hearts for all the fantastic reviews, follows and favorites! We've really enjoyed writing this together and are chatting up some new ideas! We'll see you next time. ;)


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